Category: Foodstuffs

Wherein I showed some effort

Guess what! I went and slapped a few more of those old non-WordPress articles into WordPress! Now there are more things here to read! Hooray! Exclamation points!

GameCube Demo Disc – Honestly, I wish there were more of these. I’m very much at the point in my life where hidden gems of that era interest me greatly.

Birthday Article 2003 – The first of… several. Certainly could be classified as a relic of another era, as I will never again get enough things for my birthday to write an article about.

Mario Kart: Double Dash!! – Read this and get excited for Mario Kart 8 Deluxe on Switch! Or at least, wish that Nintendo would bring back the two-person karts. I liked that gimmick a lot.

Holiday Viva Puffs – I had actually moved this one over back in December, but forgot to make a big stick about it. Whoops!

With these up, all articles from 2003 and 2006 onward are available on the WordPress site. Of course, they all still exist in their gaudy web 1.0 glory on the archive site. So feel free to check that out if you’re tired of the unified white-and-blue theme. Some of them have ugly background jpgs!

Wherein there are tarts that pop

I haven’t really mentioned these on the ol’ blog lately… But I’ve been uploading the “leftover” Pop-Tarts Review videos recently. They’re going up alternating weeks with TE articles, so that every weekend (or Monday sometimes) I’m adding “content” to the internet. It won’t last long, but I suppose that a short run of consistent content is better than nothing.

So here, watch this review that I phoned in because Kellogg’s phoned in the tarts in question.

Oh, hey, the next one is gonna be #50! It’s too bad I didn’t think that far ahead and plan… anything for it. Whoops!

There’s another new-ish one from a couple weeks ago, too. Uh… Pink Lemonade. You’re a smart cookie. Go on and look it up for yourself if you’re interested. I refuse to embed two videos in one post.

Mistakes have been made

You remember when I bought those gross peanut butter Clif bars that didn’t taste at all like peanut butter, and then pledged to but Larabars instead? Well, I did that.

I foolishly tried the peanut butter Larabars, though. While they do taste of peanut butter, the only other ingredient is dates. And peanuts, I guess. The point though, is that peanut butter and dates are not a good combo. Yuck. Better than the Clif bar, but not by a lot.

The good news is that the apple-flavoured Larabars are really delicious! Good thing I bought both!

Swing and a miss

I bought these things because I thought they seemed like a terrible idea and I needed to confirm my suspicions. Yes, in fact, they are terrible. My $4 was well-spent. In a way.

I mean, I may be a little biased because I don’t really like white chocolate to begin with, but mixing it with peanut butter doesn’t do either flavour any favours.

Just stick with what you know, Reese. Make the same old chocolate peanut butter cups, but in different shapes and sizes. Don’t mess with the formula. It will always only end in tears.

Hey look a food post

I’ve been eating these Clif bars lately, in an attempt to improve my snacking habits by buying organic (or in this case, 70% organic) snacks. I don’t know if that actually means this junk is healthier, but at least I can tell myself I’m doing something good for my body. I also use the term “snack” very loosely, as a Clif bar is quite often my entire lunch on a work day.

Pictured beside this text is the Peanut Butter Crunch variety of Clif bar, and it is awful. It tastes nothing like peanut butter, and has more of a crisp to it than an actual crunch. Just a big disappointment on every front. In fact, it’s pretty much just gross. I hate it and am never buying these again.

The Chocolate Chip bar, though? Delectable. Those, I think, are going to be the gold standard for other Clif bars to measure up to. Though they’ll probably be the only ones I buy anyway, because they and the PB flavour are the only ones I see in boxes. I’ll be damned if I’m going to start buying these friggin’ things individually.

I think that next time I’m going to try Larabar, though. Those “food made from food” commercials have gotten to me and I’m willing to give ’em a go at least once.

I’m going to be talking about sandwiches again

Prepare your mind, for it is about to be blown. For after many years of intense training and studying, I have finally completed the Perfect Sandwich. Behold its majesty.

In an effort to benefit all of humanity, I will now share the secrets of this sandwich. Please craft it with love in your heart and a rumbly in your tumbly. This sandwich should never be used for the forces of evil, or for personal gain.

  • Toasted honey oat whole wheat bread
  • Precisely one and a half slices of cheese
  • Slightly more salami than necessary
  • A dickload of ham
  • Top it with a generous portion of pickle slices
  • An explosion of Curry Dijon mustard (top slice)
  • A fine layer of margarine (bottom slice)

Go now, prepare yourself this delicious sandwich, and revel in all of its tasty glory. If you would like to submit your own (wrong) suggestions of what the perfect sandwich is, please feel free to leave a comment. But we all know that nobody reads this anyway, so meeeeh.

2016 Xmas Gift Roundup!

Oh my, has yet another year passed already? Well, I guess three years if you’re just going by the last time I wrote one of these things. Remember how it used to be an annual tradition? Did I write this exact same intro paragraph last time? Ehh, I’ve already recycled the idea and the banner, might as well re-use some of the text as well.

I think that, for the most part, I stopped doing these because I began to feel embarrassed about all of the stuff I get for Xmas. I mean, it’s not like it’s all that excessive (especially with my lack of wife), but it’s easy to look at these articles and think to myself “gee, I sure am spoiled, aren’t I?” Maybe next year will be the year I finally act on my desire to volunteer somewhere and help those less fortunate.

But probably not. That would also require leaving the house, and my incredible selfishness is a defining character trait.

Continue reading 2016 Xmas Gift Roundup!

Resistant to assimilation

In the everlasting search for a healthy and also delicious fast-food joint, I tried out a new place last week. It’s the most pretentious gosh-darned mall food place I’ve ever seen -so pretentious that it’s physically painful to be inside the restaurant- but I decided to giv’er a go anyhow.

Turns out, they make a damn good burrito. I’m talking top-tier. I’ve already made two return trips because uuuunnnnhhhhh it’s so goooooood (also, only a five-minute walk from work). And normally I buy lunch like once a month.

What really bothers me is that I’ve already told almost literally everyone I know how much I’ve been enjoying this place. Like you do. But I just came to the realization that I’ve become a walking advertisement for this place with a corporate image that I just can’t stand. It’s just so pompous that I wish their food was terrible.

So I’m not going to tell you what the place is called. No more free advertisement from me! Just know, that somewhere out there, is a cloying hippie restaurant that sells amazing burritos. Also other stuff, but I’m more of a ‘go with what you know’ kind of dude.

Yep. That’s the post. Hope you hadn’t planned anything important for those three minutes.

Glub glub!

In the late days of September, I download a free app called Plant Nanny. While it was not a game, it was an attempt to gamify water. Specifically, drinking enough water throughout the day. I tried to keep with it for a while, but near the end of November I got to the point where I just didn’t care anymore. Which is sad, because in doing so I sentenced a bunch adorable virtual plants to their deaths.

screen568x568The idea of the app is that for every glass of water you drink a day, you give your plant a drink of water as well. It has a little experience bar, and when the bar fills, the plant grows a bit. After a few stages of growth, the plant will reach its final stage, you put it out in the garden and plant a new… plant. Fully grown plants will also drop a seed every 20 hours, which is not for planting, but rather is currency to buy exciting new species of plants. And so the cycle continues.

The first thing I learned from this app is that I don’t drink anywhere near enough water. I found myself struggling to try to fit in so many cups of water a day. Fortunately, Plant Nanny has a helpful reminder feature that sends a notification to your phone every two hours (between 8AM and 10PM, so as not to disturb your sleep). In reality, the annoyance of that constant reminder was part of Plant Nanny’s downfall.

The second thing that I learned is that when I do drink enough water, I have to pee all the damn time. Which, you know, makes perfect sense, but was still annoying. I won’t get into details about my bathroom habits, but let’s just say that a number of people have commented on how seldom I seem to use the toilet.

Anyway, despite the positive feedback loop of growing cute little plants and the fact that it was ostensibly having a positive impact on my health, I just couldn’t be bothered with it anymore. The reminders became grating, and I started to feel like I really just didn’t want to ingest that much water every day. I still think the thing’s calculations are off and it was telling me to drink way more than necessary. But I’m too lazy to actually do the math so we’ll never know for sure.

So now I’m back to drinking like half a cup of water a day. It’s probably not great for my body, but I don’t feel any different either way. You were cute, Plant Nanny, but in the end, I just didn’t care enough to keep it up. Like with pretty much everything else in my life.