It’s a gas

My latest contribution to the cesspool of hentai and retards that is the internet is up. It’s dated for tomorrow, but whatever. I didn’t spellcheck it either, so be prepared for barge-sized loads of typos. Overall it’s about as half-assed as the covered subject, really.

In better news, I finally got around to watching Man With The Screaming Brain this afternoon. I bought it like two months ago, and only now sat down to watch it. I find that happens quite often, actually. But anyway, it was a rather quirky movie. It’s about this American businessman who goes on a busniess trip to Bulgaria, and winds up with rather severe brain damage. To fix it, this crazy doctor replaces half of his brain with that of an ex-KGB agent. Hilarity and robots ensue. I pretty much just bought it because it’s written/directed/produced by Bruce Campbell, and he also happens to play the main character. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this like a jillion times, but Bruce Campbell’s my hero. Anyway, good movie, and I heartily recommend it. Even better than Bubba Ho-Tep.

And oh, hey, only one Wiik to go. God that was a terrible pun.

Where do we go now?

Psssh. That wasn’t so tough. Here I thought Guitar Hero 2 was going to rough me up a bit, but after a four-hour power session, I’ve gone and made “Freebird” my bitch. Okay, I’ll admit it took tons of both skill and luck, but still, I imagined it’d be a little harder.

Oh blah. I like to pretend EXPERT doesn’t exist. Hard is just where I like things. Besides, Eric’s playing Expert, and he says it’s kicking his ass all over the place, and he’s a good ten times better at this game than I am. And yes, I named my band “Six Machine”. It’s a freakin’ awesome band name.

I guess that about wraps it up. I guess as kind of a teaser of the inevitable, I’ve already got most of my “10 best games of 2006” picked out. Guess where GH2 stands.

They won’t leave me alone

The Band of the Month for November is none other than the legendary Cheap Trick.

Well, okay, maybe they’re not exactly legendary, but any band that’s featured on Guitar Hero (2) has to be at least somewhat famous, right? Well, that or a house band. But hey, that’s not the point. What is the point? Well, I guess it would be that I like Cheap Trick. My dad’s a huge fan, and like so many bands before them (KISS, The Eagles, Journey, etc), that’s exactly why I first started listening to them. I mean, his taste in current music is questionable at best (I’m sorry, but I hate jazz. It’s just so… condescending.), he’s got a rather excellent collection of 80’s-era music.

Lucky for you, I don’t feel like pretending I know anything about music today, so I’ll just refer to you their website, on which you can listen to a handful of their songs. Also, if you’ve never been, my Myspace page features a wicked live version of “Dream Police”. Kick ass.

Fact: “Dream Police” beat out Drist’s “Decontrol” for the spot on my MySpace page. And I really like “Decontrol”

Fact 2: Guitar Hero is now mentioned on half the posts on the main page*.

*This fact is subject to change

Hey rock ‘n’ rollers

With every day that passes, my lust for the Wii grows stronger. Unfortunately, my fears that I will not be able to secure one on launch day are also increasing. Like, I’m having nightmares about it. But I’ll spare you my whining about that for another day. Today: Guitar Heroism. Sort of.

Long story short, I found this totally sweet program called Frets On Fire. It’s essentially Guitar Hero for your PC, but with a few key differences. One, you play with the keyboard. That sounds like crap, but the game actually suggests you hold teh keyboard like a guitar, and it works out really well. Guitar Hero vets will be rocking faces off pretty quickly. Secondly, you can add your own songs to the game, essentially giving it limitless potential. It’s kind of a complicated process, so I haven’t tried it yet, but the pack I downloaded came pre-loaded with all the Guitar Hero tracks and then some (try isoHunt) so I’m good for now. I’m sure it won’t take long before I try to stuff some Garey Hoey or more Blue Oyster Cult in there though. The only downside to the game is that it seems to be pretty buggy. so far, three out of five play sessions ended without my consent. If you need more songs that GH offers (remember, GH2 comes out in like three days) or want to see what GH is like without dropping ~$90, it’s definitely a good program to have around.

Who cares about the bottom line?

I lawled. It’s pretty damn funny, I think. But you know what isn’t funny? Having to listen to Christmas songs all damn day long. I swear there are like six of them, and they just get “covered” by everyone out there. And usually pretty badly too. I mean, I love “Winter Wonderland” as much as the next guy, but damn it, when I hear 50 different interperetations of it a day, it starts to get on my nerves. I suppose them’s the horrors of working retail.

I’m sure I had something important to say to make my glorious return to the blogging world even more glorious, but damned if I can remember. Must be all these damn RPGs I’ve been playing. They’re rotting my brain with their complicated plots, memorable characters and unique battle systems. Stupid RPGs. I’d looove to ramble more about any of those games, but alas, comics don’t draw themselves.

You’re a bad-hearted boy-trap

It’s been a while since I said anything about Guitar Hero, so maybe right now is a good time. I’ve been working hard at 5-starring all the songs on Hard, and slowly making progress through Expert mode. I’m definitely getting better, even though I stumble through most solos by luck alone. I swear, my fingers are nowhere near coordinated enough to play through some of the rougher spots that I’ve managed to succeed at.

The main driving force behind my effort to master the game is that now the entire song list for Guitar Hero 2 has been released. And if you know any of the songs on there, you’ll agree when I say that GH2 is gong to be monumentally difficult compared to the first. “Freebird”‘s placement as the final song is entirely deserved, as it’s a nine-minute song with a four-and-a-half minute solo. “Bark At The Moon” will look like a cakewalk compared to that. Hell, even “The Breaking Wheel” will seem easy once I’ve had my ass handed to me by “Misirlou.”

On the upside of all this, I procured the demo disc from November’s OPM, which conveniently includes a demo of Guitar Hero 2. And as I sit here, hunt-and-pecking away at the keyboard, eating my ramen and peas dinner (Dinner at 11PM? You bet.), I can’t help but wonder why it is that I’m not working on getting a respectable score on “YYZ.” It is a great demo though. I can’t get enough of “Strutter” and “You Really Got Me” is incredibly fun to play. The only bummer is that you need an SG controller (or perhaps a third-party Flying V) to play, so the demo’s only good for existing GH fans who can’t wait half a month more for the sequel. It’d be nice if they had Dual Shock support so people new to the game could give it a whirl, but really, what is Guitar Hero without a guitar controller?

Spewing from the mouth of Hell

You know, I read this entire post, and all I could think is “when did Hilary Duff get hot?” Because I totally didn’t notice. Usually I’m pretty keen on that kind of stuff, but this one totally slipped by me. But honestly, the real mystery here is why is she dating a pantywaste like Joel Madden? Seriously. I’m a hunky shirtless cowboy, not a detective. So anyone, feel free to chime in here. It’s making my head spin.

Say, have I mentioned how awesome my job is yet? Well it is. Most days I have so little to do that I completely forget what I did all day by the end of my shift. Also, I put up walls. I dunno. I just thought maybe I’d bring it up. Seemed like something I should do. The one strange thing is that I’m getting satisfaction from helping other human beings. That’s never happened before, so I’m a little afraid.

And to complete today’s completely worthless blog post (Not at all like yesterday’s. That bacon man should define your outlook on life), a horrible, horrible website! It changes more often than Mike’s! (Though that’s not what makes it so horrible)