The Star Wars Mega Egg
I love Star Wars.
Let’s pause for a moment to let that sink in. I feel like after the prequel trilogy, a lot of the love for Star Wars has waned. Not without good reason, but still! Me, I still love Star Wars. I make sure to watch A New Hope at least once a year. Ideally I’d make time to watch the original trilogy once a month (and the prequels once a year), but I have tons of other stuff on my plate, be they things I am required to do or just other frivolous time-wasters. So I generally don’t watch the Star Wars movies more than once a year.
It should be noted that this fanboy love is directed almost entirely at the original trilogy and works that spin off from those three movies. I have played very few Star Wars games that don’t star Luke Skywalker and friends, and I’ve only read a handful of Star Wars novels, in most of which the main character is Han Solo. This one time I thought about playing Knights of the Old Republic, but I didn’t own an Xbox and my PC was not equipped to run it. I only own the prequel trilogy because they came packed-in with my blu-ray copies of the first three films.
All that said, I’ve never seen the Clone Wars movie, nor have I watched the equally fugly Star Wars: Clone Wars television series. I own the DVDs of the (comparatively beautiful) 2D animated Clone Wars series, but that’s about all I’ve ever had to do with whatever happened between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. So if I hadn’t been actively seeking a curiosity to write this article about, I wouldn’t have given this Star Wars Mega Egg a second glance. Heck, I might not have even noticed the durned thing at all.
The rest of the label is curiously devoid of any more mentions of a possible surprise, but it does go to great lengths to scientifically describe exactly what the candy gift will be. Of course, I’m no scienceist, so I have no idea what any of that jargon means aside from the fact that it’s all just chunks of sugar. That’s pretty much all I expect from candy gifts though, so I’m sure it’ll be great! Acceptable, at the very least.
I won’t lie, I’m pretty darned excited about the jelly candy that’s rumoured to be inside. You have no idea the jellified wonders I’ve got parading around in my mind.
Apparently the Mega Egg wants me to join the Official Star Wars Fan Club. I’m not certain, but I have a feeling that the Star Wars website that the provided web address is pointing me to is of a very different demographic than I would expect. My idea of a Star Wars fan club is a bunch of fanboys (and maybe a girl) poring over their favourite series of movies, trading various cards and/or comics, showing each other their fan art and home-made costumes, and other such nerdly activites. You know, somewhere I’d really feel at home. The Mega Egg is likely just to attract eight-year-olds who think the Clone Wars TV show is the bomb (or whatever the kids say these days) and have no idea that the original movies exist.
Upon actually typing that link into my browser, I have discovered that the Official Star Wars Fan Club no longer exists. Well, visiting the site just proved that the site was gone, the actual discovery came from a cunning Google search and the skimming of a brief FAQ.
Either way, the OSWFC is gone and I now understand why the Force has felt so sorrowful for some time now.
Back to the matter at hand, the Mega Egg has a trio of holes in the top. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t candy generally sealed in airtight packages? Do sugar chunks need to breathe? Is my candy gift more than I’d bargained for, or is that surprise going to be even more surprising than I’d expected? Man, I’m getting way to into this Mega Egg.
Guys, it’s opening. It’s opening!!
I suppose that this would be a good point at which to give you a little better feel for the Mega Egg you see before you. To keep you on the edge of your seat, you see.
The Mega Egg, as far as surprise-bearing eggs go, is pretty big. It’s roughly three to four times the size of a regular Kinder Surprise egg. I had originally intended to take a picture of the Mega Egg next to another object -ideally a Kinder Surprise egg- to better illustrate its Meganess, but alas, I didn’t feel like combing Zellers’ candy aisle for a Kinder Surprise egg, and I forgot to take a comparison shot whilst taking all these other pictures.
The large size of the egg is also why I feel so compelled to capitalize the words “Mega Egg” every time I type them. It would be wrong not to give the Mega Egg the distinction of being a proper noun. I feel almost like I should be capitalizing every letter, to further glorify the Mega Egg, but it seems like the kind of thing that’s only funny for a paragraph or two. Besides, if I’d done that, I’d be out this great filler paragraph.
I’m a little worried about this, guys. It… it kind of looks like the Star Wars Mega Egg is just full of a bunch of the same packets of candy. That can’t be right. Surprise bags aren’t full of a bunch of the same thing, they’re full of different things! A surprise egg should be held to the same standard!
Speaking of surprises… I don’t see one here. Just packets of samey-lookin’ candy. Guys, I’m scared. The surprise… It’s gotta be under the candy, right? That’s what’s going on here. Yeah, that’s it.
Well, colour me disappointed. I’m not sure what colour that would be, exactly. Possibly a shade of blue? Not out-and-out sad blue, but maybe a faded blue, to show that I’m sad and also my joy has faded and been replaced with cold, gray disappointment. Yep, a faded blue would definitely be the right colour for disappointed.
This is not what I look for in any type of surprise package, be it a bag, cone, egg, or crate. Not since the Peter Puck surprise bag have I been so disappointed. What’s that? Why don’t I have a link to the Peter Puck surprise bag article? Because there isn’t one! The Peter Puck surprise bag was just several packets of puck-shaped candy and a plastic puck in which to place the candy. And every single one is the same! The Star Wars Mega Egg just barely avoids being so disappointing by containing three different kinds of candy, but I’m betting all the Star Wars Mega Eggs are the same. This is almost as big a let-down as The Phantom Menace.
Why? Because my twice-touted “surprise” is a stupid little sheet of stupid little Star Wars stickers. I suppose that when whatever candy company Lucasfilm contracted to make this thing was deciding on a demographic, they probably opted to shoot for a younger crowd. A crowd that would piss their pants in excitement when they saw that they got a buttload of candy AND more Star Wars stickers than they can count. I’m not part of that demographic.
My negative emotions are somewhat swayed by that cool C-3PO sticker though. His knee joints are monstrously oversized, but still, how could I be mad at Threepio?
Being an adult, I have absolutely no need for a copious amount of tiny Star Wars stickers, so I just mashed them all over the Mega Egg. It was looking a little naked and ashamed after being stripped of its flashy packaging.
I don’t really have a need for a huge plastic egg covered in tiny Star wars stickers either, but let’s not go splitting hairs here.
The Threepio sticker, being the biggest and bestestist sticker in the bunch, was given the honour of gracing the name tag on my lunch bag. I think it’s a pretty great spot to wear my love for Star Wars, and there really isn’t any other surface in the immediate vicinity of my computer desk where I felt like placing a sticker wouldn’t be a waste. I guess that since I’ll be moving out soon I could have pasted them all over my walls to cause my parents a minor annoyance, but I feel like they’d probably make me pull them all off. I’m not in the business of finding ways to annoy myself.
So that’s about it, I guess. No, wait. I didn’t try the candy. Let’s go have a taste, shall we? I mean, you won’t because you’re on the wrong side of the internet, but I’mma go enjoy some sugar lumps now.
I was let down immediately by the jelly candies. Mostly because they were the ones I was looking forward to the most and there ended up being only two packets of them. Also because they came exclusively in lemon flavour. They weren’t that bad, but I feel like the confectioners missed a huge opportunity by not making them all delicious red and green. Possibly blue.
The hard candy, shaped like stars, was pretty boring all around. They were all red and yellow, but both colours tasted pretty much the same. That taste, BTW, could be best described as “bland, with a hint of nothing.” Lastly, the minty-looking candies, which I assumed would taste minty as well, were not minty. I have no idea what the flavour is called, but they were pretty yummy! They weren’t overly tasty, but they certainly beat the stars. Another plus is that the stars and the mint-looking things were quite a bit softer than I’d imagined. They were still technically hard candies, but they put up just enough resistance so that chewing them didn’t hurt my feeble little girl teeth.
Overall, the Star Wars Mega Egg was a pretty big bust. That’s what I get for buying a surprise dealie from a big chain instead of a dollar store that never left 1983. I have a burning curiosity to see if there are any other possible “surprises” in the Star Wars Mega Eggs, but I don’t feel like risking another $3 for what will most likely be the exact same contents. I might luck into better-flavoured jellies, but at that point it might just be better to buy a $1 bag of jellies. They don’t come with the thrill of the surprise, but there’s also that lack of crushing disappointment, which some might consider a perk. I’ll have to think long and hard about this one…
As a little side-note, Kinder Surprises generally aren’t especially surprising, but there was a pretty neat little line of hippos dressed as Star Wars characters in them at one point. As far as I can tell, the line never reached Canada, but by that point in time I was already too old to care about Kinder Surprise toys, even if they were hippos cosplaying Star Wars characters. My point here is that this is how you whore out your brand, not with boring junk like the Mega Egg.
Here I go a-counting
Oh my goodness you guys, accounting.
So I do that now. Professionally. Semi-professionally. Training to be able to work in the field with an air of professionalism. It is my position title. It’s repetitive, and tedious, and really, really not at all exciting. I love it. I’m the kind of person who can while away hours days grinding experience in old-school RPGs, so this really is a good fit for me.
I only recently realized a possible subconscious reason I’ve been so gung-ho to get into accounting. And I am taking that knowledge to the grave. Let’s say it’s an “unfinished business” kind of thing.
And that’s awesome and all but there’s nothing really interesting to say about my days at work: I plug in some numbers and then plug in some more numbers. Rinse and repeat. Once in a while I stop to pay some bills, which results in more number-pluggage. Anything I do think would be type-worthy information is Top Secret. I suppose it’s notable that riding the bus to and fro again has been considerably more pleasant than I’d expected, aside from occasional bouts with light motion sickness. I’m a little disappointed that it’s been a dry well for StreetPasses so far. But I’ve only been bussing for a week, so maybe everyone who rides with their 3DS was on vacation over the last week.
In other news, I’m doing something completely crazy: I’m writing an article. Yeah, you know, those silly things this website used to be built on? Maybe you don’t know. It’s not a thing I really do much anymore. Anywho, it’s a classic-style article. I don’t want to give anything away, but I will say that it is not about video games. SHOCKER! The only problem left is that I seem to have completely forgotten how to write at length about silly things that are not projected onto my television/computer screen. This could be a terrible idea.
Let’s Play Megaman X – Flame Mammoth
Shepard Fantasy XIII-2
Son of a bitch! Square-Enix is making it really hard for me to not spend my hard-earned Microsoft Points on alternate costumes for Final Fantasy XIII-2. I can safely ignore Noel, but I am finding it very hard to resist the chance to dress up Serah as Commander Shepard. Is it really worth the $3? No. Maybe if the costumes came with some stat boosts, but as it is they’re entirely cosmetic. I have to say though, every new set of DLC outfits is better than the last… The Costume GET! guy must be having a fit.
I did buy the two legacy boss coliseum packs. Omega was a piece of cake, which is totally opposite of its reputation as an FF superboss. Not that I would really know. I think the only Omega I’ve ever fought during the course of my FF career was Omega Weapon in Final Fantasy VIII, and I (through an incredible stroke of luck) owned him in about a minute flat. However long it would have taken to Aura my party, get a lucky Invincible Moon on Rinoa’s first limit break, and then go to town with Lionheart.
Ultros and Typhon were a completely different story however. I fought long and heard, but could not claim victory against the two Final Fantasy VI bosses. It wasn’t until we were already in pretty rough shape that I realized that Typhon was occasionally restoring Ultros to full health. I don’t know why it took so long because I spent the second quarter of the fight focusing on Ultros. I turned my attention back to Typhon, but at that point it was already too late and I was only able to whittle away about one million of his 3,000,000+ HPs before we bit the dust. Lesson learned: equip ribbons. Or something that prevents Daze.
Tiny mountain out of a tiny molehill
Yes, I still “play” Tiny Tower. I now have the biggest tower of all my Game Center friends, but I still can’t put the thing down. I have to build it higher!
There is one thing that really bugs me about it though. See the really clean, consistent visual style? Yeah, nice and pixely. Now look at the stars. Crisp, clean, and not at all matching the graphical style of everything else in the game. Geez. Next thing you know the clouds are going to be made out of polygons…
Komayto, komahto
Not only is Kid Icarus: Uprising awesome and hilarious, it’s also got some fantastic references to other Nintendo games, the best of which (that I’ve seen so far) you can see below:
Now, Komaytos were in the original Kid Icarus, so the Metroid-esque enemy itself is not a big deal. It’s the flavour text here that really brings it home. Even better is that there are space pirate enemies to go along with them this time around. They bear only a passing resemblance to Metroid Prime space pirates, and are even farther removed from the Zebesian variety.
The rest of the game is the exact same way when it comes to excellent writing, and it is so great. Even the online multiplayer is super fun, and I very seldomly get into online multiplayer modes. I cannot believe that there was a point in time where I wasn’t interested in this game. Thank goodness Nintendo pushed it as hard as they did.
Let’s Play Megaman X – Storm Eagle
Yeah, that room
This is a “hidden” area in Silent Hill: Downpour. It is also the best hidden room in the history of ever. There really isn’t much to it, just a medkit and a handgun, but I think the fact that it’s there is good enough. I’ll admit that I would have liked maybe a ghost or two, or to have been able to enter the other rooms of the apartment, but what can you do?
The lack of interactivity is a bit of a missed opportunity, but at least they did a really good job on the detail. The living room table is missing, but I knew where I was immediately. They even included Henry’s loafers!
(Cheat sheet for idiots: It’s the apartment from Silent Hill 4: The Room)
When it rains, it downpours
In celebration of my fancy new promotion, Stephanie (who is the best, BTW) bought me Silent Hill: Downpour. I think I was pretty clear about how much I loved Shattered Memories, so it shouldn’t be too shocking that I was a little wary when the first details for Downpour hit.
The game was being developed for 360 and PS3, which sounded to me like a death knoll for Shattered Memories’ style, which focused almost entirely on exploration and atmosphere. Then came the guns, which meant that combat was back; combat has never been more than “acceptable” in Silent Hill games, and is usually much, much worse. I was immediately awash with fears of the game being produced with a “hey PS3 blood and guns derp derp” mentality.
Fortunately, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m only a quarter of the way through the game, so I’m not sure how things are going to roll out, but so far I’m really enjoying it. Downpour actually does feel a lot like Shattered Memories in most ways. The flashlight mechanic is less prominent here because you have to manage weapons as well as illumination, but it’s still an important part of gameplay. The single (playable) Otherworld section I’ve been in was a mix of puzzle solving and running from an undefeatable enemy. Otherworld transitions are unexpected and visually interesting (I do miss the ice though).
Downpour carries on the Silent Hill tradition of shallow, janky combat. The biggest improvement here is the ability to block, which is way overdue. I don’t know, maybe Origins and/or Homecoming allowed your character to block; I haven’t really played either. But yeah, blocking isn’t going to change the whole game, but it does make monster encounters more managable.
The monsters are also apparently affected by the weather. A loading screen tooltip that came up once said they come out in greater numbers and are more aggressive when the rain is really coming down. I haven’t witnessed a heavy rain yet, but I was surprised at how some of them will elect to run away when the rain stops. Monsters located inside always seem to be equally aggressive, but I suppose that makes a certain amount of sense.
The world is an interesting kind of hybrid of open and linear design. Another Silent Hill staple, now that I think of it. The first couple areas do a fairly good job of herding you forward, but give some nice rewards for exploring off the beaten path. Once you actually make it into the town, you’re given a bit more choice in where you want to go. Between locked doors and blocked/crumbled roads, Silent Hill still tries to push you in the direction of the next plot point, but you can run around town pretty freely. Another tooltip that I saw hinted at a subway system that might allow me to get around town faster, which has me wondering exactly how big Silent Hill is this time around.
One of my favourite things about the game so far is that it has side quests. Yeah, honest-to-God side quests in a “survival horror” game. I use quotation marks because survival horror isn’t really a genre in video games anymore. But anyway, side quests! I’ve only done two at this point: one rewarded me with copious amounts of bullets, I don’t think the other had any reward besides the satisfaction of doing a good deed.
The other thing about Downpour that I’m really digging is that it is terrifying. It might have less to do with the game being scary and more to do with the fact that I’m playing it the correct way. I knew nothing about the game before launch aside from what was shown in the very first trailer; I didn’t even know it was released until I haphazardly noticed it on a store shelf. Also, I’ve been playing it alone in the dark. The right atmosphere mixed with not having a clue what’s going to happen next is exhiliarating in the most horrifying way.
Suffice it to say, I am leaning on the radio static (which signals monster presence) more than I ever have before in a Silent Hill game. Somehow though, monsters are still managing to get the drop on me and catch me off-guard.
It’s not as scary now that I’ve learned how most of the monsters act and what the rules of the game are, but those first few hours were something else. The tension remains high because you really never know what’s going to happen next. I’m currently making my way through a library section of a tower, and there’s this… ghost, I guess that keeps randomly pushing stuff over and giggling. It’s nothing new to the horror genre, but it’s spooky as all heck when you’re not expecting it. There was another related event that actually made me jump out of my chair, but the game is still fairly new so I’ll avoid any more spoilers for now.
So Silent Hill: Downpour is pretty great. I’m not sure if I like it more than either of the Silent Hills that star Harry Mason (Silent Hill Play Novel not included), but it’s definitely my favourite SH game otherwise. You done good, Konami. You done good.