Just wanted you to know

Alright! Twelve days are gone and done with, and that means I’m halfway there! I think that alone is cause enough for celebration, as I’m pretty sure that none of us thought I would make it even this far. So here’s to twelve more days. I can do it!

Today’s object of my affection is season two of Metalocalypse, Brendon Small’s wonderful black metal-themed satire. If you didn’t read last year’s review of season one, the show is about a band called Dethklok. It’s full of brilliant social commentary, satire on Hollywood and the media, and violence. Oh yes, so much violence. Season one was pretty bad, but season two takes everything up a notch and almost gets disturbing. And while it’s twice as funny as well, the fact that even I’m starting to think the violence is getting to be too much really says something.

But enough about the downside of things. The show is hilarious! This season parodies wonderful things like publicity stunts, “with-it” celebrity managers, rehab, and celebrities who decide to become government officials. “Deathgov” is definitely one of my favourite episodes. The season starts out right after the first ended, with Dethklok and the rest of the world recovering from an attempt on the band’s lives, though sadly it continues on throughout the season as self-contained episodes and shows barely any interest in a running story until the last two episodes. I was a little disappointed, but then I realized that the show was great anyway, so I’ll forget about it.

I think one of the greatest things about the DVD set in particular is the special features. Like the last season, this one’s special features are all just a bunch of extra material. Not blooper reels or deleted scenes, but rather entirely new short sketches. Or, well, not short. Most of them are really long and some even make fun of you for sitting through the entire thing. My favourite has the band sitting in their band meeting closet, only eyes visible, just naming bands. It’s hilarious in its own way, and the fact that it lasts for around twenty minutes (didn’t actually time it) is the icing on the cake. It’s nice to see that even the DVD extras are taking jabs at how puffed up the importance of DVD special features is. I guess the only things that would be considered special features are two music videos for a pair of songs from The Dethalbum. Also, Nathan reading Shakespeare makes a return, wonderful as ever. That should be enough to convince fans to rush out and buy this set.

So what am I going to do with my conclusuory (yes it is a word) paragraph? Not much. How many more positive adjectives do I need to use? You know what? I could really go for some spaghetti…

Whimmy wham wham wozzle!

Have you watched any of the Futurama movies yet? You really should have, they’re all very high quality. And, you know, it’s Futurama.

So today I want to go on about the second one, The Beast With a Billion Backs. To be honest, I think Bender’s Big Score has been the best one so far, but I’ve already gone over it and I’d prefer to keep the content of this little project fresh. So this movie, while not quite as great as the first, is still a great watch.

The plot, as described by the title and cover, is that a giant tentacled creature from far-off space has crawled its way to Earth through a tear in time and space, which was created at the end of the last movie by Bender’s time-travelling antics. At first, everyone is afraid of the creature, and who could blame them? But then slowly, people are taken over by the monster’s tentacles and start to love it. And then stuff happens and I don’t want to spoil the rest.

To tell the truth, I’ve mostly forgotten what happens. This thing came out like months ago. I watched it when I got it, and then haven’t since. Oh well. David Cross does the voice of the creature, so yeah. He’s pretty hilarious. And so is the rest of the movie. And Kif dies. Sort of. I don’t know. I don’t have any writing left in me. I suppose barely using my blog over the past how many months has kind of dulled my writing bone. Not that it was ever overly sharp, but it’s certainly not as good as it used to be.

In conclusion! I like this movie. Go buy it and Bender’s Big Score right now if you don’t already own them. Bender’s Game was good too, but I didn’t like it nearly as much. Oddly, and non sequitiurly, I kind of want to play Mass Effect right now.

Don’t you know

Hey, um, sorry about last night’s weak-ass post. There was just a lot going on, and blogging was really the last thing I should have been doing, so it had to be quick. But moving on…

Another Thursday, another book to review. This week we’re looking at Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide. I’m not going to beat around the bush here, it’s exactly what it sounds like; a small book filled with ways to avoid becoming lunch should the living dead rise.

The book is placed in the humour section of most bookstores, and rightly so, because it really wouldn’t fit anywhere else. The only thing I should mention it that it’s not explicitly funny. I’ve read a lot of the big internet-loved books like The Alphabet of Manliness and My Tank is Fight!, and while the latter wasn’t supposed to be explicitly funny either, it did make me laugh a few times. This book, on the other hand, finds its humour in entirely conceptual ways. By that, I mean that the ideas are kind of funny but the authour isn’t cracking any jokes.

In any case, if you think zombies are cool, or are just interested in how to survive should they attack, I think you’ll find this a good read. I enjoyed it, but I’m a zombie fanatic, so there’s an obvious level of bias there. Just don’t mock me and then come running to me for help if you find yourself being chased by zombies. I could save you, but what makes you think I would want to?

Which is the way that’s clear?

One of this year’s most anticipated and hyped titles was Fable II. I think that for the first time in a long time, the excessive amount of pre-release media coverage actually did not turn me off the game, as was the case with last year’s Mass Effect (damn good thing I tried it anyway!) But yeah, I was totally disinterested with Fable II, but the more I heard about it, the more it seemed neat and kind of like something I would like to play. And it was!

I skipped over the original Fable almost completely, playing the PC version for about five hours total before forgetting about it in favour of games based on consoles that I owned. So it stands to reason that if the original game couldn’t start a fire in my heart, then the second probably would suffer the same ignorance that I showed the first, if not moreso. I’m not entirely sure at exactly what point it clicked and I decided I wanted to try out Fable II, but I think it may have had something to do with the dog. The idea of a game where you have a dog that follows you everywhere appeals to me for some reason.

Oh, wait, no. I remember now. I wanted to play it so that I could be the female character, have babies, and sell them into slave labour for millions of gold. I have yet to accomplish the last phase of this plan. Though one time I did whore out my lesbian wife to a con artist. That was neat.

So yeah, I really like the game. It’s got a lot of faults though. The number one problem being the lagginess. Oh, the lag! I can sort of understand why the game might slow down a bit when you’re in a huge fight or wandering around a densely populated part of town, but why are the menus so slow? It sometimes takes forever just to load the main pause menu screen! It’s ridiculous! And trying to get anywhere else from there is going to take you some time, so you may want to think about whether changing your hat is really worth the three minutes it’ll take to do it. Also the contols are not nearly as tight as they could be, but that’s not nearly as annoying as the menu lag. In fact, I’ve mostly gotten used to it.

On the upside, the game is plenty of fun! And it’s easy to accomplish things! Like Mass Effect, a large amount of the sidequests are shown to you by the game itself, so you don’t have to worry about missing out on the time-sensitive ones like in pretty much every other RPG. That has always been one of my most hated parts of RPGs, and any game that does away with that stress gets a gold star from me. The flashing trail that leads you to your objective is wonderful in certain cases, and the ability to instantly jump almost anywhere in the world is such a time-saver that it almost makes up for the menu lag. Loading times are pretty long, of course, but the areas are so large and pretty that I’m willing to let it slide.

I don’t know what else to say. I mean, I’ve got a ton of hilarious stories and other things about the game I could praise until the cows come home, but I don’t want this post to ramble on forever. I’ll just end it here saying that if you haven’t picked up Fable II yet, it’s maybe something you might want to consider. At least rent it. It’s so much better than the first.

You scream and everybody comes

I have another short post today. I know it may seem like I’m getting bored of this whole post-a-day thing, but that’s only because I absolutely am.

Wait. That came out wrong.

What I meant to say, was that I’ve been mostly out of this for so long that it’s hard to remember that I need to make a post every day, and especially over the weekend, I haven’t been getting to the computer before about 11:30 PM. And Saturdays, of course, I’m only home between the time I wake up and go to work half an hour later, so my Saturday posts have to be done after midnight on Friday night. It’s tough balancing this with everything, but the fact that I didn’t even sign on to do an entire month really helps. 24 days didn’t sound too bad, and knowing there’s only 16 left is even better. What isn’t good, is that I only have 16 shopping days left, and I haven’t even started. Fuck Christmas.

Oh! That image makes me feel better! Since Monday is cause for miscellany in ol’ review world, today I will talk about one of my favouritest treats ever: the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory’s frozen chocolate-covered cheesecake – on a stick! I pretty much love everything I’ve had at Rocky Mountain (black forest fudge in particular), but the frozen chocolate-covered cheescake is magical. I love cheesecake more than almost any other food – junk or otherwise – in the world, and slathering it in chocolate and freezing it does something incredible that makes it even better. It also goes without saying that all the best foods come on a stick, so that alone is a win.

The only downside, ironically, is the stick. It’s made of some kind of horrible, very tasty (in the sense that it has a strong taste) wood. This is not a good taste. Not at all. It’s kind of like licking a two-by-four, but without the splinters. Most things with a something inside have a delicious something in there. This cheesecake on a stick decidedly does not. Not a deal-breaker by any stretch, but it is a little inconvenient. Otherwise, the cheesecake on a stick is the greatest invention man has ever inventioned, and I champion Rocky Mountain for being the only place I know where I can find it. If you know somewhere else that sells a cheesecake on a stick, then by God, man! Why haven’t you told me!?

Doodly ding-dong tick-tock

On Sunday, I will review games from the various download services on current generation video game consoles. Today is Sunday! Here’s one of my favourite games that recently appeared on the Wii’s Virtual Console.

Don’t recognise it? It’s Super Dodgeball! One of the greatest NES games ever made. I really don’t feel like making a huge post out of this, mostly because I’m lazy, but also because it’s a really simple game. It’s just fucking dodgeball. But it’s so damn fun! So yeah, if you’re really interested in knowing more, go find a NES emulator and the ROM. I swear you’re in for a wondeful time.

Pull me under

It’s TV time! Yeah. This one’s actually been the hardest to find things for, but I think I’ve pretty much got it wrapped up. I only really have to do three for the whole month, so despite my difficulty in finding things that not everyone already watches (or more importantly, that I haven’t discussed in the past), I’ve made some selections that I think are pretty good.

Actually, I think this one is totally the balls. And I’m pretty sure anyone who is anyone watches it does too, but that’s besides the point. The Venture Bros. is far and away my favourite [adult swim] program (Metalocalypse taking a close second), and for a short while was my favourite show on TV. Actually it was a span of about 7 months, so I’d say that’s pretty significant. My point of view pretty much comes out to: if you don’t like this show, fuck you.

Alright, maybe I’m not so into it that I’d slander those who don’t share my opinion, but I do love the show. If by some random chance you’ve never seen it, I would suggest you get right on that. I know that a lot of stuff I like isn’t great but I love it anyway due to personal tastes, but The Venture Bros. is a fantastic show, and that’s a fact.

The show is sort of a parody on the boy adventurer genre of decades past, drawing inspiration mostly from things along the lines of Jonny Quest. That’s not to say that it doesn’t spoof other things. In fact, I’m pretty sure that every episode contains at least one “Star Wars” reference, and one of my favourite episodes is a complete takeoff of Scooby-Doo. The show has its own sense of humour too, not relying solely on pop culture references to sell itself.

Each main character is totally fleshed out, and most of them are completely batshit insane in one way or another. Our heroes Hank and Dean Venture are teenaged boy adventurers, dealing not only with the streses of villains constantly trying to kill them, but also the awkwardness of growing up. Not to mention that they’re usually totally oblivious to everything that matters. Their father, Dr. Venture, is a failed super-scientist getting by only with all the inventions his own father left behind. He’s neurotic, quick to anger, and his arch-nemesis is a man dressed as a butterfly. The doctor’s bodyguard, Brock, is voiced by Patrick Warburton and therefore is awesome by default. And let’s not forget the gigantic supporting cast, each more hilarious than the last!

I don’t think I should really need to try any harder to sell you on this one. If you own any ANY television DVDs at all, these two sets should damn well be in there. I just really wish I had the friggin’ Cartoon Network so that I wouldn’t have to wait until January to see the third season episodes. Hell, the fact that there exists a third season (and fourth even!) makes me all tingly inside. Highly recommended.

Empty yo pockets!

Eff this. These 24 days of bullshit is bullshit.

At least that’s what I feel like saying. When I comitted myself to this project, I kind forgot that some days I don’t even see my home, nevermind my computer, so yeah. But I shall forge on! Today, reviewing a movie of my choosing. And my choice is a great new-ish monster movie titled “The Host”.

When talking to people, I often described “The Host” as a small-scale “Cloverfield”. Thinking about it now, I don’t think I could really be more wrong. The only thing the two movies have in common is the moster element and the fact that the basic plot is one person looking for a loved one. Other than that, not really the same at all. Even a little.

The plot to this movie, as it were, revolves around a man and his daughter. Also his other immediate family (siblings and father), but they’re just support characters. They’re living a pretty standard (if a little poor) life when one day a monster emerges from the nearby river and starts eating the shit out of people. It spies Main Character’s Daughter, and goes after her. Main Character witnesses his daughter devoured whole and vows to go after the creature. The twist is that the moster does not actually eat the girl, but rather brings her back to its hidey-hole for later snacking. And the story more or less just has the guy hunting the beast, and the girl fighting to stay alive.

The thing to note here is that this movie is originally Korean (I’m pretty sure). From this fact, we can extrapolate that the voices we hear speaking are not the actual voices of the characters. On this note, I would like to mention that the dubbing is very, very bad. Hilarious bad at times. The kind of bad that sort of makes the movie more enjoyable. Once scene that has all the family mouning the loss of Main Character’s Daughter in particular is so ridiculous that I could not keep my composure and broke out laughing. Only after the fact did I truly pity how bad it really was.

Sketchy dubbing aside, I agree with the media blurbs on the cover, and think that “The Host” is a wicked awesome monster movie. Or at least as wicked awesome as a modern monster flick can be. The creature itself is way way cooler than the “Cloverfield” beast by all stretches of the imagination (the lack of massive hype helped), even though it’s many times smaller. It’s fast, ferocious, and pretty much all-out cool. It’s kind of like a big, pissed-off fish with a taste for blood. And it shows up on screen a lot! Unlike the Mr. I-Want-To-Remain-Mysterious “Cloverfield” monster. Sadly, there aren’t a lot of quality screencaps of the thing, but here’s a decent one.

Yeah, I know. Awesome. I seriously want one. Except without a penchant for snacking on humans. That part might work against me. But anyway, I hear that they’re doing an American remake, and I wholly expect that one to suck ass, but if you go out and get the original version of “The Host”, I doubt you’ll be disappointed. It’s not super-heavy on depth or anything, but it’s a fun watch with a sympathetic plot. Without spoiling anything, I’ll also mention that it doesn’t have exactly the happiest of endings. But yes, totally recommended. In fact, writing this makes me want to watch it over again. Now if only I could find some time to sit down and watch a movie. Maybe I can convince the woman to watch it…

Emptiness and everlasting madness

Thursday is the day that I’ve chosen to use for reviewing reading material. Books, if you will. This might come as a shock to those of you who know me better, as I’m not known as the most avid reader around. I’m almost going to be late on my deadline here too, so let’s get this bitch movin’!

Ha ha ha. Oh Ryan, you so cheap! Yeah, I know, it’s not really reading material, but it’s in the form of a book, so it counts! And this is pretty much the kind of thing you’re going to see when I review books, so get useded to it.

Moving on, I’m touting the Penny Arcade books not because of the comics inside. No, if that was all I was after, I’d just read the website. It’s not like they’ve got a bunch of book-only strips or anything, so it’s all good. No, the real gold here is the extra commentary that goes along with every comic. They’re usually hilarious, and surprisingly often more funny than the comic strip it’s describing. I’ve had a hard time not lawling while reading these books, and that says a lot. And I only have the first two volumes!

The other extra material -namely the forewords and bonus art galleries- are also totally worth buying the books for. If you’re into that kind of thing, I mean. There’s some really spectacular artwork hidden in the backs of these volumes, and while it’s sometimes hard to appreciate for the common man, someone who spends a good amount of his time doodling (like myself) will truly enjoy it. I guess there isn’t much else to say about that then. If you don’t like PA (you monster), then you most likely won’t like the for-monies editions. The commentaries might strike a chord that the comics don’t, I don’t know. The bottom line here would be that if you like dick jokes, buy these.