Wario’s Guide to the Galaxy

So I’m browsing the Fark, and I find what is possibly a faint glimmer of hope for gaming.
Someone copied WarioWare.
Now I always figured that WarioWare had such
a bizarre (yet highly successful) concept that nobody would ever try to blatantly use it for their own game. But there it is. Based on the movie “the Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy”, it’s only got 42 games, but they only last a couple seconds each and they’re fired at you in rapid succession. It’s WarioWare. Just something I thought was really cool and worth mentioning.

Keep your pants on. Unless you’re a chick.

Today, June 3rd, 2005 – a date which will live in infamy – my parents bought a new computer. And it is (in some ways) better than mine. But that’s only the good news.

My PC, by the by, has been acting like a total dick for the last couple weeks, and only now is it in a useable condition. Many problems have plagued the little guy, but none of them were really ever figured out, they all just kind of went away. Damned computers. Aaaanyway. Since I’ll be losing my modem tonight, I’ll have to either shell out cash for a computer… connecting.. thingy… or just use the family computer, which will be tough, because everyone will be constantly fawning over the new baby. That, and I might have to buy a sound card too, because no matter how many drivers I install for my onboard piece, it just won’t work. In the words of Johnny Cochrane: it does not make sense!

Yes, so updates might be even less frequent than they are now, not only because of the less accessible internet, but also because I can once again play games on my PC. Just thought I’d let you know I haven’t yet given up on the site. Band of the Month might not show up until next weekend, depending on the circumstances.

The way of the Jedi

Aaah. Did you miss me? I’ve been playing Katamari pretty hardcore over the last week, and got all three of my bros into it to boot, so that kind of helps to explain the lack of posting. I’ve also been spending mucha hora with Command & Conquer Generals. Is so funs. But that’s not the point! I finally finished the article that was supposed to be done last Friday. I also installed Word ’97, so typos should be minimal to non-existant. Enjoy.

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith DS

It’s been a long time coming, and almost three decades later, the Star Wars saga draws to a close. Well kind of, what with this one being in the middle of the story and all, but you know what I mean. While my plans to catch the first showing of Revenge of the Sith were foiled by… well, me, for never putting them into action, I will eventually see it. Heck, by the time you read this I may have already seen it. But that’s besides the point. My point, is that there are new Star Wars games, and they kick a lot of ass.

Make no mistake about it, I was a fan of Super Star Wars and its ilk (though I could never make it too far…), but they weren’t all too amazing, being just standard side-scrollers. The various flying games like the Rogue Squadron are all well and good, and then there are the various other Star Wars games that I’ve never played, which the public seems to have mixed feelings about. But nobody I’ve talked to (maybe about three people) has disliked their experience with the Revenge of the Sith games. Most (which includes all of: my brother), in fact, proclaiming their want to purchase the console version after a scant five minutes with the demo.

Yeah, the console version is pretty sweet. It’s got plenty of action and the ability to customize your Jedi’s abilities just the way you want them. But it’s one of those games that likes to use all the buttons, and after playing LEGO Star Wars, which is uber-simplified, it was a bit of a hassle. So no big deal normally, but I found myself constantly pressing the wrong buttons. So back to the task at hand, today I’m reviewing the Nintendo DS version of the game, which is essentially the GBA version with some awesome upgrades.

Firstly, and most importantly, this game is crafted really well. It is a pretty basic brawler, but with the additions of lightsabers and Force powers, it manages to mix things up just enough to avoid being a Double Dragon clone. Not to say that’s a bad thing… I love Double Dragon. Anyway, for most of the game, you will be moving right and beating up enemies to progress. Not a whole lot if you’re looking for variety, but it’s really good for what it is. Me myself, I prefer platformers to brawlers (they tend to be faster-paced), but RotS has captured my attention like… well, many others.

So anyway, the game follows the story of the movie pretty much down to the dialogue. There are only like one or two levels that aren’t somehow featured in the movie. Of course, I use this a little loosely, because Obi-Wan and Anakin didn’t spend much of their screen-time running down endless halls smashing endless numbers of Battle Droids, Clone Troopers and Jedi. You can probably understand what I’m trying to say here, but I just can’t fins the exact right words for it. Essentially, it follows the story perfectly. No “extended missions” like in the console version. Or at least very, very few of them.

The game starts off with a simple choice: selecting your language. Manage to get past that one, and you’ll be catapulted into a frenzy of Jedi action. Or something to that effect. The first real choice you’ll have to make is whether you want to play as Anakin or Obi-Wan. Each has his own style of play, dictated by simple attacks, Force powers, and super moves. They’re similar, but you’ll have to master the little facets of each character’s style to do well. After you pick your character, you pick either Padawn (easy) or Jedi (normal), and you’re on your way.

Next, the obligatory scrolling Star wars intro, and some cutscene, and then you get your map screen. Here, you can see your progress through the game. Once you’ve passed a stage, you can play it whenever you want to collect power-ups you may have missed the first time through, or just to have fun. also, you can check your clear percent on each stage so you know which ones you have to scour for power-ups. Also, you can choose to play against bosses you’ve defeated, because the boss fights are pretty fun, and somewhat intense.

Choosing Anakin will lead you down the path to the dark side of the Force, and playing as him can prove to be a challenge, if a little more fun. His story missions span General Grievous’ flagship to the streets of Coruscant to the Jedi Temple, and finally to his duel with Obi-Wan on Mustafar. The bosses on this path include Count Dooku, Mace Windu, and Jedi Master Cin Drallig and his padawan.

Anakin isn’t exactly easy to play as. He has more moves that leave him open to attack than Obi-Wan does, and that can get you turned into mincemeat in seconds. Being bound to the dark side, he cannot use the Force to heal himself, and therefore has to rely on pickups to replenish his life. This can make the game pretty tough, but in turn gives him more offensive powers. These include the ability to throw his lightsaber, choke enemies, and suck their life out to replenish his fury meter. And on that note, it’s time to look at this fury meter and what it does.

During normal stages, the bottom screen will display four boxes. Each one represents a special attack that your character can perform once his respective power gauge is full. While Anakin’s is referred to as the “Fury Meter” and Obi-wan’s in called the “Focus Meter”, they both work the exact same, and even the moves are similar. You start out with one super attack that will kill all on-screen enemies, but will deplete all your Fury/Focus, and will acquire one more move for each boss you defeat. Obviously, touching the panel will execute the move, but you can also input a button combination for each.

Anakin’s starting move is Vader’s Wrath, and like I said, eliminates all enemies that are on the screen. The next move learned is Plo Koon’s round, which will knock over enemies close by. Afterwards is Tyranus’ Uppercut, which will kill all enemies close in front of you. Finally comes Sidious’ Hate, which is similar to Vader’s Wrath, but won’t necessarily kill your foes, though it does use less fury (though not much less…).

Obi-Wan’s path is debatably easier, but also poses its share of challenges. While Obi-Wan has the power to heal himself as long as he’s got some Force left, his library of offensive moves is limited. While both Jedi can use the Force to push and pull enemies, Obi-Wan is left with no other offensive moves, having the abilities to stun enemies, move faster, and shield himself where Anakin could choke, throw his lightsaber, et cetera.

This isn’t a terrible problem, but it does make it a bit hard to score well. See, the game has three ways of giving you power-ups. Firstly, there are ten hidden green orbs in each stage. Sometimes enemies have them, sometimes they’re tucked away in the background. Then you can also get five points for speed. This is no problem. But the last ten points for each level are based on your Jedi style. The more Force powers and such you use will increase this bonus, and since you’ll be using mostly physical attacks with Obi-Wan, you’ll often ignore your somewhat useless force powers and have trouble getting a perfect score in this category. Or at least that’s a problem I have.

The quest to stop the Sith is a different one than that to further the influence of the dark side, obviously. Obi-Wan will trek through Grievous’s starship, search the tunnels of planet Utapau in search of the General, brave the clone-infested Jedi Temple, and finally confront his former padawan on the fiery surface of Mustafar. The bosses you’ll encounter on this path are comprised of Count Dooku, General Grievous, and two of the General’s bodyguards. Of course, the last mission in each story is a duel with the opposing character.

Obi-Wan’s focus moves are very similar, if not exactly the same as Anakin’s fury attacks. Obi-Wan’s Sense is your basic screen-clearer, though it is a lot more fun to watch than Vader’s Wrath. Yoda’s Teaching is the exact same spin attack that Anakin has, just going by a different name. The Knight’s Slam has the same effect as Ani’s uppercut, but varies aesthetically. And lastly, the Jedi’s Devotion will extend Force waves all over the place and knock over all your enemies. So yes, the moves are all the same, they just look a little different. On top of that, Obi-Wan’s focus will increase depending on how much force powers you use, and how much of the environment you break, while Anakin’s fury will increase when you do pretty much anything.

As I may have mentioned before, the boss battles, or duels if you will, in RotS are a lot of fun. They’re pretty simple when it comes down to it, but still plenty of fun, and are pretty intense as far as 2D brawlers go. And that’s a point of interest alone. Rather than the semi-3D stages you’d normally go through, you’re set on a strictly two-dimensional plane for boss duels. Your freedom of movement is restricted to moving toward your opponent, and slowly backing away. Imagine a 2D Soul Calibur. That’s what it’s like.

The fights are pretty easy, as the key to winning is observing your opponent’s moves and waiting for an opening in their attack pattern. They’ll either attack high or low, or a combination of both that could include up to eight or so blows, so you just have to learn to see which move they’re about to execute, and you should be fine. Jedi bosses will also use their Force powers against you, which can be promptly absorbed by holding your own Force button (which is R). As easy as they may be after a little practice, I still think that the duels are awesome. I’ve played the Grievous duel about ten times over because it’s just so enjoyable to play.

And that’s pretty much what you’ll get if you play either the GBA or DS versions of the game, minus the touch screen options, of course. There are a couple of big differences in the main games, however, besides this little one. Firstly, I hear that the music quality is like five billion times better on the DS, with the music being actual songs from the movie, as opposed to the GBA version’s crappy synth stuff. I’m ready to believe this one. Also, I hear that there are a couple extra cutscenes in the DS version. I think it a bit odd, but plausible. Can’t think of any off the top of my head that couldn’t have been done on the GBA, but I’m sure there’s something in there somewhere.

The biggest addition to the DS version of the game is easily the special missions. In between every few stages, you’re presented with a sweet 3D space flying level! most of the time, anyway. A couple of them are in the “streets” of Coruscant. These may not seem like huge additions on paper (or maybe they do, I guess it’s a subjective matter), but I find that they add a lot to the game. Not only do you get six extra missions to play, but you also get to hearken back to the days where you played Rogue Squadron for hours on end. Or maybe it’s just me again. Anyway, the flying is really well done, and it’s barrels of fun, plus once you’ve beaten the respective stage each is in, you can play it any time from the “special mission” menu.

The final difference between the two versions of the games is the multiplayer. If you plan to use these modes a lot, it probably wouldn’t be such a bad idea to buy both versions of the game, seeing as they’re so different. The GBA version offers a two-player cooperative mission mode, and a Last Jedi Standing mode, in which you and a friend fight against an endless stream of enemies until one of you falls. And then the DS version comes along and replaces those modes with… 3D space flying!

While it’s no co-op mode, the space flying… Aw, who am I trying to kid? The space flying kicks total ass! Especially for those of us who grew up playing Rebel Assault and got into the whole space flying thing early (even if Rebel Assault was mostly on rails, it was still space flying!). The only fault is that it’s only got a limited (you’re forced to play with a kill limit) deathmatch mode. Also, I’m pretty sure the DS could handle more than four players, but that’s sufficient enough, I guess. Everything else about it is awesome.

Firstly, there are eight arenas to play in. Two are in the skies of cities, with buildings and such to avoid. Four of them are placed in free-range (all arenas are free-range, but you know what I mean) space, and one of those arenas, I’m certain, is that nebula level from Rogue Leader where you have to defend the medical frigate. Or it might not be, but it sure bears a striking resemblance. And the last two are more surface maps, but on Tatooine and Hoth! Hooray!

The absolute best part of this mode is the selection of ships they present you with. there are a total of sixteen ships to choose from, and while some fun choices were excluded (Naboo Starfighter, V-Wing, 1969 Buick Electra), there are plenty of great ships to choose from, including several different Jedi Starfighters, the Slave I, a couple TIEs, an X-Wing, and the Millennium Falcon. You have to unlock a few of the really cool ones by beating the respective bots in skirmish mode, but it’s totally worth it. Ooh, ooh! And the explosions look absolutely excellent! They’re kinda like the explosions in Zelda: the Wind Waker in that they’re really cartoony, and they look a bit out of place as such, but I love them. Best effect ever. EVER.

Dun dun dun. Review time. Graphics in Revenge of the Sith are excellent. The main game’s graphics are pretty, but lack a little animation for some enemies. Main characters and boss characters are done well though. There’s plenty of colour and my only gripe is that every part of the environment busts the exact same way as the rest of it’s kind. They could have at least put two different “broken” images for each object. Flying mode is beautiful. The ships are a bit blocky, but it’s forgivable cause it’s no so bad. And the explosions make up for any other shortcomings I may have overlooked. So pretty…

Sound quality is nothing less than perfect, as the music is apparently taken straight from the movie. As I said before, I’m willing to believe that. It is of rather high quality. The sounds are great too, and nobody will have to guess what you’re playing when they hear a lightsaber swing or a blaster go off. Voice samples are very limited, but they’re got the Battle Droid “Roger roger”, so it’s all good.

The gameplay is excellent. The basic brawler premise may turn off a few (like me, until I heard it was really good), but the added Star Wars nuances like Force powers really help it to stand out in the crowd. The ability to develop your Jedi’s powers however you like is another added bonus, as you can customize the game to suit your playing style just a little more than most games allow. Beating the game will unlock a new hard mode, which is really is hard, so that will probably keep you coming back for a while. Also, the space flying gives it tons of replay value, even if you can only really play deathmatch. The hard bots are actually quite good and will give you a run for your money if you’re not playing at the top of your game. Not to mention that playing against or with other people will double your fun.

Overall, I’m more than satisfied with Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. It’s proven that you can make a really repetitive game genre fun, you just have to add some fun boss fights, and maybe some magic powers to top it off. I would very much recommend this to anyone looking to round out their DS library, or even to grab the GBA version if you’re one of those “I’m too good for two screens” types. Though the DS version does have at least two solid advantages going for it. Those advantages being the flying and the music, for those who couldn’t figure it out. Either way, I’m sure you’ll be satisfied. If nothing else, it’s a ton of fun to make Battle Droids explode with a wave of your hand. This one gets an A.

~Ryan

Viva la Revolution

The time is finally at hand. In the last two posts, I’ve showed you images of both the ugly Playstation 3 and the sleek Xbox 360. And today, you get your Nintendo Revolution. Here are some more. Bias aside, I’m not a big fan of the look, but it’s not stupid and round like the Playstation 3. At least it’s got some kickass features like being able to download tons of Nintendo games, built-in WiFi, and an online Super Smash Bros as a launch title. Assuming Nintendo sticks to their no-fees ideology, this could be bigger than Halo.

A little less exciting, I got my letter of acceptance into the Universtiy of Manitoba today. Whoopee! Now I have to go back to learning…

The last of today’s topics is a little out of the ordinary. If you’re looking for a good-as-new PSP bundle for a slightly discounted price, gimme a shout. Asking price is $300. The thing’s been used a whole of maybe two times, comes with Gretzky Hockey, Metal Gear Acid, and the Spiderman 2 movie. And for those of you who need to know, there are two dead pixels. Like I said, if you’re interested, E-Mail/phone/talk to me ASAP.

Eyesores

Following up on the Xbox 360 bit of the last post, here are some pics of the PS3. Looks like utter crap, I think. And while the buttons remain the same, they really messed up that controller too. Looks like the Xbox is currently in the lead for aesthetic appeal this time. Though it should be interesting to see what Nintendo cooks up.

Oh yes, and I’ve got a new article on the way. Maybe by the weekend. That, and I’m finally getting around to doing a couple work blog entries, so that’ll be updated soon too, as well as some new submissions to the second art gallery.

Bongos a go-go, baby

Yeah, I want to get back to playing Donkey Konga 2, so today I’m just going to provide you with some links. Hey, it’s something, so stop complaining.

Walking-stick defence – A good one that I’ve been meaning to link to for a while now. Make sure you click the ad at the top.

New Penny Arcade – No real need to point it out, other than because I find it to be the funiest thing I’ve seen in a long while. And I just watched five seasons worth of South Park.

Dick Turtle’s webpage – It’s really no more than a terrible game and a wallpaper, but you know how I love to post stuff about Dick Turtle.

Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Dance Party of the Century – No comment.

Donkey Konga 2 review – If I were reviewing it, I would be wasting valuable playing time, now wouldn’t I?

The True Story Behind Darth Tater – Star Wars is coming soon, and I figure I should add a little Star Wars into each post until then. At least.

Xbox 360 – Now, normally I wouldn’t do this, but… so sleek… And white… there are some better pics of the “console” and controller on the site if you look around a bit.

On Mothers’ Day I played with LEGO

Because we just can’t get enough of Dick Turtle here at TE, here is a little background information on the guy that I’m way to lazy to have dug up myself. And now back to the program already in progress.

Rented LEGO Star Wars this weekend. I have to say, that despite my premature opinions on the game, it turned out to be quite good. When I first heard of it, I just thought it had bad idea written all over it. But alas, I’ve been proven wrong, and I spent pretty much all weekend playing it. So it’s time for one of those nifty little blog reviews, the only thing that keeps the blog from being entirely boring!

Firstly, and possibly most importantly, the name doesn’t tell you much about which Star Wars it’s covering. And to the possible dismay of some, that would be the prequel trilogy. I have no problems with this, because to be honest, I liked both The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, and I intend to fully enjoy Revenge of the Sith as well. But most people feel differently, so yeah. Either way, the game has about 17 missions, covering most of the more action-packed parts of the movies. This includes several rampages through Theed, a romp in the Geonosis droid factory followed by the huge Jedi Battle in the coliseum, the war on Kashyyyk, and the final battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin. Of course, this means some slight spoilers for those who’ve not seen RotS (and by the way, I refuse to address the newer movies as “Episode X”). And while it could be argued that we already know the outcome, I was still intending to find out exactly how everything goes down from the movie itself, but oh well.

The game is fun, but a little slow. See, you’ve got two ways to go about it. You can power through the levels and not worry about collecting stuff (money), or you can explore every nook and cranny to get it all. And there are tons of interactive objects in every level room, so there’s a lot to check out. You don’t really need the cash, as you only need copious amounts of it to unlock the secrets (which are just for fun), as the only other thing you’ll be spending it on is new characters, and most character unlocks are quite cheap.

Speaking of which, there are a total of around 56 playable characters (I suck at math), and while like 20 of them are different coloured Clone Troopers or Battle Droids, pretty much every single character from the trilogy (and then some) is playable. Everyone from (three versions of) Obi-Wan to General Grievous to Jar Jar to Yoda is playable. And they all have different abilities, like being able to use the force, being able to jump really high, or being able to unlock certain doors. Of course, not every character has an ability. All the Battle Droids can do is walk and shoot, except the commander. He can say “Roger Roger”. So everyone will be able to find someone they like to play as. I personally spent the most time as AotC Obi-Wan, Grievous, and R2-D2.

The one thing that really made me favour the game is that it’s got a ton of funny little things in it. The fact that everything is in LEGO is funny on it’s own, but the fact that some cutscenes really make the most out of the medium, and add in some little sight gags. Some of the levels contain some funny things, like when you’re on Kamino, you can do a little light-matching puzzle to turn the room into a disco and get the Kaminoans dancing. It is indeed quite hilarious. Most of the “extras” are just funny things too, like adding moustaches to all characters, or having Jedis wield brooms rather than lightsabers.

All in all, the game is pretty solid. It’ll last until you’ve hunted down every collectible item, and the tow-player mode will add a bit more fun to the mix. Graphics are great, as LEGO isn’t too damned hard to animate well. The music is ripped directly from the movies, so obviously that gets full points. The only weaknesses is that most people won’t like all the slow treasure hunting you’d have to do to produce the kind of funds you’ll need for the more expensive stuff, and that when you’ve got everything, the game is pretty much dead. If you really go at it, you should be able to get everything in a rental. I wouldn’t recommend buying it though. Sadly, it loses pretty much everything once you’ve got the 100%. But it is fun while it lasts. Oh yeah, and it’s way too easy. You can’t lose, no matter how hard you suck. You’re given unlimited lives, and the only disadvantage to dying is that you lose a little money. The only way you can lose is to get stuck as the somewhat tricky podrace level and quit of frustration. So yes. Good game, but not a buyer. Not at more than half-price anyhow.

Band of the Month – May 2005

April was a pretty slow month as far as blog posts go, but it did see the glorious returns of both Dick Turtle and the mini-reviews. Now it’s forever saved onto its own page in the archives. Hoo-ray.

In other news, I’ve just recently caught wind of this really kickass band. They go by the monicker of Span and are a rather excellent portralyal of what rock ‘n’ roll is all about. Unfortunatley, they’ve currently only got one major release (which is very rare to find), so this is gonna be one of those Jimmy Eat World one-CD reviews.

So firstly, who the Hell is Span? There’s a 97% chance you’ve never heard of them. If you have, you’re either really lucky, or have finished the video game Obscure, which totes their music quite prominently. That would be where I first heard of ’em. Anyhow, while their look may at first suggest a punk band, calling these guys punk would be an insult. They sound far too professional for that title. While they have an obvious nu-rock influence, Span is your model modern rock ‘n’ roll band. Combining fast, catchy anthems with hard rock and slower ballads, Span runs the full rock gamut, semblant of old-school rock legends like Motley Crue, Poison, and Firehouse.

So onto the review thing. The CD, as you should be able to see above, is titled Mass Distraction. While it features a scant 11 tracks (I’ll admit, I’m spoiled by compilations and greatest hits albums that have between 15 and 20 songs apiece), it’s a joy to listen through from start to finish. The first song, “Found” is a pretty standard song, and does well as an opening track. Anywhere else on the CD, it might seem a bit weaker. Now number two, “Don’t Think The Way They Do” is my new favourite song ever. It’s fast, catchy, and just really cool. It’s the only song I know of on the CD to have a single, so I guess it’s their hit song. Seriously, if you’re checking out Span, this is a good song to start with. Very addictive. “Peaceful” slows it down a bit, with its first part being rather slow, and then getting up to a harder tone near the halfway point. “Papa” takes it from there, and really gets things rolling with some fantastic teamwork between the guiars and drums.

“Stay As You Are” isn’t quite as hardcore as the previous track, but keeps up the rock ‘n’ roll attitude, and makes for a second really catchy song. “Missing in Stereo” sounds almost like Span took a page from Matthew Good, as it’s quite slow and moody. I’m a pretty big Matt Good fan, so I like it a lot. “On My Way Down” brings back the rock but manages to keep the moodiness of the last song, and sounds great doing it. Next up, “Buckle Under Pressure” really reminds me a little of the good old classic rock of the 80’s. It combines some really heavy guitar work with lighter verses and a sweet chorus to make a pretty unique sound.

And then comes the only song that could possibly rival “Don’t Think The Way They Do” for best song on the CD. “Baby’s Come Back” is insane. It’s fast, catchy, kinda funny, and has a simply magnificent guitar solo that is surpassed only by that of “Stairway to Heaven”. All this backed by some sweet vocal work and a great drum beat, and you’ve got a killer song. “Wildflower” is really surprising, in that it’s more of a poppy song, rather than rock. But it maintains respectability by being really good. As it is with a lot of CDs, the last track Mass Distraction is a slower one, “When She Stares”. It’s slow, but it’s got a very powerful chorus, and is twice the length of most of the other songs on the album. It’s an excellent song, and a great choice to end with.

Be it resolved that Mass Distraction is the best CD I’ve heard in a long time, and I’ve got a lot of really awesome CDs. Props out to Span and their great, though far too unknown effort. Also, I should mention a couple of their other songs I’ve heard, particularly “Cut Like Diamonds” and “Always Ends”, are just as great as anything on their debut album. Word on the street is that they’re going to be releasing number two in the near future, so here’s hoping that maybe I’ll be able to find that one in stores. Or at least download it like I did with the first. Yeah, I’m pretty damn obsessed with these guys right now, and my AudioScrobbler account holds undeniable proof of that. Check ’em out for sure.