Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Battle Nexus

Getting right to the point, I’ve loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for as long as I can remember. I always had the newest toys when they came out, I own all three movies and the soundtrack from the second. I even went to the freaking live concert and still own the cassette tape of said concert. Even to this day do I frequently obsess about the TMNT. I visit the website regularly, own the first couple waves of toys, and watch the show whenever I get the chance. And of course, combining my two greatest obsessions, I own all the newer TMNT video games.

If you’ve read my Christmas article, you know I got the first set of games around December 25th of last year, and how I loved them so. The GBA game, in my opinion, was right up there at the top of the “best GBA games ever” list. It was the perfect beat ’em up side-scroller, with excellent graphics and a great aural experience to boot. I played it through several times, and even my brother who doesn’t really like video games (particularly of the side-scrolling sort) got really wrapped up in it at one point. So could Konami pull through and make the sequel better? Take a look at the box art, and judge this book by it’s cover.

Does it not scream intense? The last game’s box art was kind of disappointing and plain, but the moment I saw this one I thought “Wow. This game is going to kick ass. The box alone looks like it’s going to kick ass.” But enough about the box art. It’s only so relevant. Though probably the most entertaining picture that’s going to appear in this article. You’ll also notice that It proudly displays 4-player action on the corner there, though for some reason they made the French part to be more outstanding to the eyes than the English. Anyhow, they’re really trying to promote the ability to have 4 players with the new releases. Probably because the first games had very little opportunity for multiplayer. The console had only 2-players at max, and the GBA version was single player only. It’s a great feature, considering the material, and coincides with Nintendo’s newfound obsession with playing together. (Not that they never cared about it before, they’re just really going at it now)

So with the sweet-ass box art and a new multiplayer feature, you’re definitely wondering by now how Battle Nexus stands up to its older brother. While I’d love to say that the second game is without a doubt leagues better than the first, it’s just different enough that you can’t properly compare the two. Whether you like Battle Nexus or the first game better will overall depend on what kind of game you like, because although they are similar in many ways, the differences really set them apart and make them two entirely different games. In other words, this game takes the foundation that the first laid down and builds it up way into space.

Oh and speaking of into space, I guess that’s where I’ll start. As the first game covered the major events of the first season of the show, Battle Nexus highlights the bigger events of the second season. Or at least the first half of said season. The game opens with a recap of how the first season ended and the second started, with the Turtles being teleported to a planet galaxies away and saving the Fugitoid from both those evil Federation guys and the Triceratons. Right now, you’d probably want to have seen at least two or three episodes of the show to have any idea what I’m talking about. In any case, that’s about as far as they follow the actual plot set forth by the show.

So after that, you get to the start screen. Ooh. Lightning. Then it’s start new game and such, and you’re treated to a really long (and the only, so far) cutscene that fleshes out the more skewered story. You see, while it follows the basic plot of the cartoon, they changed it around a lot so that they had something to make a decent game out of. In this story, the Turtles and the Fugitoid escape to a secret lab. There, they can use Fugitoid’s teleportal to go hunting around for crystals to power up the teleportal, because it can only get you so far without the proper amount of crystal energy. But then the biggest fault in the game comes into play.

Somehow, back on Earth, Baxter Stockman has managed to hack into the teleportal’s system and made it so that when a turtle uses the teleportal, he will be taken to his destination, but his weapon(s) will be teleported some distance away. How he managed to do this, I’ll never know. I guess you could find plausibility in it because (bigass spoiler, if you care) Shredder is an Utrom and has all that knowledge and stuff about how life does actually exist on other planets, plus all the technology necessary to make something that could affect something that far away. Oh and I guess I should mention that instead of the Turtles being teleported from the basement of the TCRI building (the Utrom’s Earth base), they just get magically warped right out of their lair out of the blue. Oh. Wait. Maybe it was Shredder’s doing. I can’t really remember. It was a really long cutscene.

Either way, once you’ve cleared the hurdle that is picking your difficulty level, you get to choose which mode you want to play. There are three, and I’ll start with the obvious choice. Like I said earlier, you’re mission is to warp into enemy territory, steal crystals, and go. It’s a simple task, and made simpler in easy mode, because you don’t actually have to get the crystals to progress, but you do only get to play the first three of five worlds. A fair trade, I’d say. The greatest thing about this game is that it’s at least twice as long as the first. Maybe. I’m not sure, because I don’t want to do the math. The first game had 17 levels (including bosses and vehicle levels), and this one has 5 worlds with 6 levels apiece. So that’s like 30 or something. And as with the first, there may be more once you’ve completed all the standard levels. I don’t know. I haven’t gotten that far yet.

I mentioned earlier that when the Turtles would teleport, their weapons would be taken somewhere different, no? Well, that’s the biggest problem and genre-changer for this game. In this game you start every level sans-weapons, with only an infinite number of shuriken to defend yourself. Needless to say, shuriken are pitifully weak. So your first objective is to get to your weapon. Just because Metal Gear Solid was such a huge success doesn’t mean that Konami has to start incorporating stealth into every second game they make. Boktai was understandable, but not Ninja Turtles. Yes, ninjas do play the stealth card frequently, but Ninja Turtles games have always been about busting heads and such. Not hiding in doorways to elude security. They did it well, but I’d still prefer more action.

Oops. There’s the Metal Gear again. At least the level design is really good. The way the last game worked, you had a set of levels for each Turtle, but in this one you get to use any Turtle in any level. So with that in mind, they made every level with puzzles and spots that could only be solved with specific Turtles, so you have to play through each “on foot” (more on that in a while) level with at least two Turtles if you’re out to get every last crystal, which is requisite for any progress in hard mode. It adds a little bit of life to the game, and the levels are rather big and allow for a lot of exploring so it doesn’t get too dull.

So as I was saying, the shuriken blow as weapons, and you really can’t do much until you’ve gotten your weapon. Chances are, if you try to kill something without your weapon, you’re going to get killed. You could always be really careful and throw a star, hide, throw a star, hide, and so forth, but that takes forever. Luckily, grabbing the weapon makes everything so much easier. Enemies will fall with minimal effort, and you’ll be kicking ass all over the place. On easy, that is. The game is actually quite difficult on normal, and I can’t imagine what horrors reside in hard mode. Triceraton soldiers are an actual threat on normal mode, and in situations where you have one on each side of you, you’re pretty much screwed. The other enemies aren’t that bad, but bosses can show you a thing or two about getting your ass kicked. More on those guys later.

A little ninja action and even more MGS reference. In the next game the Turtles are going to be communicating by codec and April will recite famous quotes and proverbs when you save. Yes, enough of that, it’s time I told you about the levels where you don’t run about slicing things apart. Every world has three normal action stages, two vehicle stages, and a boss stage. And there are several kinds of vehicle stages. The first is the muta-board stage. Pretty much just jumping and shooting anything that comes at you, but there is a tough mini-boss in the second one. There isn’t much to say about it, except for that it’s probably where the idea for Race Mode (more later) came from.

There are also some mini-ship levels. I’m not sure what they’re really called, but the thing looks like a little spaceship, but isn’t, cause it doesn’t go into space. Whatever it is, the levels play out kind of like R-Type, with the side-scrolling shooting and all. Notably, the third boss is fought in this kind of level. Lastly, there are real spaceship levels. Which are just simple rail shooters. Just aim and shoot. Enjoyable, and it gets pretty frantic if you’re playing anything above easy mode. There may be different kinds of vehicle levels later on, but I’m not that far yet. Only finished easy mode and the first world on normal up to this point.

I think I mentioned that the bosses are tough, right? Well if not, I’m tellin’ you now. The bosses of Battle Nexus are no picnic. Of course, everything I type from this point will be in reference to normal mode, because easy mode is easy all around. The first boss is the huge sewer worm thing seen in the first or second episode of the second season. He rolls around, shoots, and chews on your head. Not a huge trouble, but you won’t beat him without taking damage. The second guy is the real trouble spot. Beating his is hard enough, because he’s got a really big hammer, and it hurts. The worst part is that you have to beat him with Mikey at one point to collect all the crystals, and Mikey, well, we’ll say Mikey isn’t exactly the strongest of the four terrapins. I just managed to scrape by with Leo, who is the strongest, and it took me at least ten tries to do it. The third boss, the spasmosaur (fought in the Triceraton gladiator pit on the show) isn’t too tough, because it’s a shooting level, and once you’ve learned a safe spot, you’re good to go. I haven’t seen what the next two worlds have in store, but I’m pretty sure that the Shredder’s going to be in there at least twice. And he was hard as Hell to beat in the first game.

Take the advice. There is no satisfaction in beating Easy mode unless you’re as completist as I am. You do get a password for the GC version, and it’s not a bad password at that, but still. Easy mode is a bit too easy. I don’t think I died even once. But I digress, because there is still much more that needs to be reviewed. Though I’m thinking that thins is getting to be just a little long. I’m around 2100 words now, and I can tell that there are going to be quite a few more, because there’s tons more material to be covered. And you know what happened last time I wrote something that ended up being twice as long as a normal article. That’s right! I didn’t just put that picture that says “To be continued” there for kicks. It’s time for another two-pager, people. So click below and zoom to my favourite was of artificially making my articles look super-long!

(pretend there’s a link to a new page here

Ah. It’s been way too long since I’ve written a proper article, never mind a whole two-pager. If you somehow got to this page first, I’m not sure what the shell you did, but don’t do it again. You’re scaring me. Anyway, on the previous page, I summarized what makes the story mode go round. If I had been reviewing the first TMNT game for the GBA, I’d be done by now, but Battle Nexus has a lot more going for it.

After you’ve had enough fooling around with the Story mode, there are still plenty of challenges for you, and possibly some of your friends to try to accomplish. Firstly, if you haven’t done so, you can go through all of the levels and collect every last crystal lying around. And if you’re completist like me, you’ll even go so far as to finish every level with all four Turtles. That could take a long damn time, so I don’t suggest trying it unless you plan to have a lot of time on your hands. Or, you could just move on and start playing through one of the secondary game modes: Race Mode and Battle Mode.

First up is Race Mode. It’s probably not exactly what you’re expecting. I bet you’re thinking a crappy wannabe kart racer? No? Well, yes, it is back to the Muta-boards for the boys in green. All it is is the four Turtles racing against each other for some sort of glory. Maybe it’s what they do in their free time. Maybe it’s just something Konami thought would be fun. To their credit, it is pretty fun. Until about race 4 or so, where it starts getting tough.

Yay. Look at all of that fun. But really, it’s a simple game. No real attacking or anything. Just holding the “gas” and jumping when necessary. But there are a couple little elements that can give you the edge or destroy you completely. And they take form of coloured ground panels. Basically what happens is that when you drive over these panels, you can press down and get some sort of bonus thing. For example, blue makes you go real fast, and red makes you kill any turtle who you come in contact with. Some are a little more complicated, like yellow which launches you over walls too high to leap normally. This would be fine, but you need precise timing, or you’ll just be flung into the side of the wall.

Reminds me of something blue… something about a hedgehog… But at least in this game you can go fast and not really have to worry about dying. There are 15 courses available, and according to the manual, if you manage to tough it through them all you get to see an ending of some sort. Also, if you manage to do well in the GCN version, you can get some passwords to unlock three bonus courses. It’s not much, but it beats the hidden bike race mode from the first game. That wasn’t fun at all.

But if you don’t like the racing too much, you can go to a seriously challenging mode: the Battle Mode. It’s laid out exactly like Race Mode, in that there are 15 levels, an ending, and three unlockable levels. Or arenas, or maps, or whatever they call them. The thing I’m most worried about right now is the fact that they called it Battle Mode when in reality, there isn’t much battling. In fact, in this mode you want to avoid battling as much as you possibly can. Maybe it was named more for the multiplayer version. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. What I do know is that it’s time for the next picture.

The goal of Battle Mode is to collect so many crystals in a short span of time. At first it’s pretty easy, but then they throw in Triceratons and blocks that need breaking. Some levels even just have a lot of springs that you need to find away to navigate around. And after you’ve finished a map or whatever, they give you a second, harder challenge. I don’t think the second rounds need to be completed, but it sure adds a lot of difficulty to the game. I’ve yet to finish either the Battle Mode or Race mode yet, so I’m not sure what the caliber of these supposed endings are, but I’m going to guess that they won’t be much more than a picture that says “Congratulations!” or “You’re the Race/Battle Champion!”. Really, they’re just extra modes thrown in to add multiplayer and a couple more hours to the game’s life, so you can’t really expect much. They are entertaining though, and sever well as an entertaining break from having to find your weapon in every damn level.

Oh yes, I never yet mentioned that if you get to close to a Triceraton, he will grab you by the neck and bite off your face. At least I assume that’s what’s going on. The animation makes it look so, and it takes off a pretty huge chunk of your life bar, so I’ll stick with it for now. Ooh… And speaking of right now, I think I had a little too much candy… It’s time for me to take a little break from the old writing that I’ve been doing inconsistently all day. I’ll be back before you know it, because let’s face it, no matter how long I’m gone, it’s not like I can really make a commercial break happen as soon as you’re done reading this here paragraph.

(Returns 27 minutes later, having emptied the bowels and completed Battle Mode.)

Well, I finished Battle Mode, and I must say, I was definitely expecting too much from the “ending”. All you get is character art of your chosen Turtle over a background of his weapon and some pretty confetti. It didn’t even say “Congratulations”. I would normally say something along the lines of “That was totally not worth it.”, but indeed it was, as it provided me with material enough for an extra filler paragraph. Because we all know that this second page is definitely not going to be either as high or mighty as the first was. I suspect that Race Mode will yield the exact same results, but perhaps with a different character pose. Oh, right. I got a password too. Not sure what it does, but it had better be good. It’s not on the code list at GameFAQs, so I can only assume that I am the first person ever to finish Battle Mode.

So, now that we’ve seen all the game’s content, it’s time to do the actual review. I think I always start this part with that sentence or a paraphrase of it. I mean, there has got to be something more original to say. Well, I’ll figure that out if I ever review anything again. As usual, I’mma start with the graphics. Just like the first game, they’re fabulous. Character sprites are large and well animated. Each turtle has tons of original animations, (on a side note, they all swim the same except for Donatello, who really gives ‘er.) The bosses are huge, and tend to launch a lot of projectiles, and so far I haven’t noticed any slowdown at all. Backgrounds are good-looking and interactive, but even thought they take place in two different locations, the first and second worlds look way too similar.

Sound-wise, the game is pretty good. The butchered intro is gone and replaced with a quaint recap of events leading up to the game, and is fully voiced by all four Turtles and the Shredder. Of course, all the voices are the same actors from the show, and it manages to work out very well, with only the slightest bit of fuzz. Of course, you also get the various Turtle voice samples throughout the game, and the stage clear “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!” clip. Sound effects are where they should be, with metal-on-metal clangs, laser guns, and other assorted thwacking sounds. The music is decent enough, but barely memorable. It all fits, but it’s nothing you’re going to be humming afterward. You’re probably best just to turn down the sound and put on some headphones.

The gameplay is the most important part, and there’s a lot to cover. The mini-games come first, as they provide mostly backup and multiplayer. They’re pleasant distractions from the main game, but not much else. If they were a little more fleshed-out, they could probably last by themselves, but as it stands, mini-games are what they were made for, and all they’ll ever be. The main game has been slowed down a lot since last year’s entry, with the emphasis being mostly on stealth rather than fighting off scores of punks and ninjas. It’s still fun, but it doesn’t feel like Ninja Turtles until you’ve gotten the weapon. Plus, enemies are usually few, with no more than two ever attacking at a time. On the upside, these enemies are a lot more deadly than those from the first game, so it evens out in the end. The vehicle levels are good fun, and serve the good purpose of keeping the game mostly action-oriented. The game offers a significant challenge, and might be even too hard on hard mode. I’ve yet to give it a go.

Other things to note are that the controls are mostly spot-on, except sometimes it’s hard to attack and run away before you get clobbered by a hammer or get your face eaten off by a Triceraton. In the first three worlds, there is not a single mouser to be seen. It’s kind of expected, but TMNT games, since back in the NES days, have been all about clobbering hordes of mousers for me, so I’m slightly disappointed. There are still two worlds to go though, so I’ve still got hope.

Overall, it’s a great game. If you enjoyed the first game, you’ll probably have a blast with this one too. The stealth aspect is annoying at first, but MGS fans should get a kick out of it. I know it was totally worth my money, and the only thing I still yearn to see is more connectivity between the GBA and GC versions besides the password trade-offs. There wasn’t anything disappointing, so I’m not going to make up anything just so I can tack something negative onto the conclusion. Straight up, it’s a solid game and deserves a spot in the libraries of any gamers who enjoy platformers and/or beat ’em ups. And I’m under 200 words away from 2000 on this page, so I’ve gone and rambled enough to fill up two pages to my personal expectations. I guess there’s only one thing left to do. And that’s knowledge that you just wasted (x) minutes/hours of your life reading this tripe. It’s not so bad I probably spent about 4 times that much writing it.

Working: is it really worth it?

Since I’ve been working for over a good month now, I think that I’ve got the experience to properly go over the good and bad points of working. I’ll also go and pick apart why working at Tim Horton’s can be either absolute Hell or an enjoyable experience.

Firstly, we’ll tackle the biggest question. Get it done right off the bat. Is working really worth the money? Well me, I’m a lazy ass, so I’d say no. Particularly at low pay and crappy job. I’m sure it will get better once I’ve moved onto a more enjoyable job that pays better. There isn’t much to be expected from a first job at a restaurant or coffee shop, but such is the way of the slacker career.

And then there’s the fact that working can actually take up all of your time. When I work in the mornings, I still get some time in the evening to go about my business, and still have time to sleep. Truly, the morning shift is the optimal shift, even if I do have to get up early. The evening shift is Ryan time murder. You see, since I have to start getting ready to leave by one, I get maybe three hours of time to do stuff. and after working until 11, I like to get right to sleep. This allocates pretty much all my not-work time to sleeping time. But it is a much better shift, because it’s pretty much dead all night, and I just get to goof off all day.

Tom Horton’s isn’t a bad place to work. Not at all. It’s just a bad place for me to work. I hate anything requiring movement, and I have to stand up for almost 8 hours straight each day. Sure I can take it, but it’s not my preferred way to spend my day. At least if I were carrying stuff and putting it on shelves I’d be doing something, but at the Timmy’s I just stand there all day. That’s not the only thing that angers me about the job.

You see this coin? I hate it. I hate it with every inch of my being. Yes, we had some, but the vultures pounced and took them all within two days. A week later, we got the next shipment, and $500 worth of these things were gone in 4 HOURS. And everyone who comes to the damn till asks for them, even though we have a sign saying we’re all out. Then I have to tell them we have none, and they get mad at ME. I have two sayings for everyone who has and will ask me for these: “fuck off” and “don’t shoot the messenger”. It’s not my fault we have none. It’s not my fault people are crazed about these stupid baubles. I don’t see what the big attraction is. Ooh, it’s got a poppy in the middle. Fuck a doodle doo.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to mention how stupid people are. We don’t take interac or any sort of money cards. It says so on the doors, the menu, AND on the till machines. Three places that prospective buyers are bound to look. Yet they can’t figure it out. Every day I get idiots who come up, order, and get their food, then pull out some sort of card. I say “Sorry, we take cash only” and they say “What? Are you sure?”. Then I ask why I’m not allowed to hit idiots. Also, I must stress that at least half the population cannot read. It’s a “cruller”, not a “curler”. It says so right on the display. You stupid, stupid people. The last point here can’t really be helped, but I detest having to help those with really thick accents. They’re terribly hard to understand, and I just can’t stand it. I mean, there’s this mute guy who comes in every once in a while, and he’s so much easier to serve.

Now let’s get to the co-workers. I work in a place populated almost 100% by females. It’s both great and terrible at the same time. In any case, everyone’s nice and such, and tries to get along with me. So much nicer than back in the days of school. Unfortunately, I’m not all that social, so it seems like I’m kinda rude, but I am trying. While I’m on the topic, have you ever just despised someone, but had no real reason to do so? I currently have that problem. There are a couple girls I just can’t stand, but have no reason to feel that way. They’ve done nothing to cross me, so I don’t really get it. Oh well.

I guess I should mention some good things about working. I certainly have learned some things I never would have cared to figure out otherwise, like how to do laundry. I’ve also picked up the good habits of always keeping my wallet and a timepiece with me. I’ve made a bunch of new friends at work. Something I never really expected to accomplish. But as it is, I get along quite well with pretty much all the girls I work with on a regular basis. And I even went out with a bunch of people from work last weekend, which is totally not something I (or anyone else) would see myself doing. Plus, having income is great. It’s not much (since I’m putting half away for school), but it’s enough for me to buy stuff I like, so it works out.

And easily the best part of working is that now I have work stories to tell! I’ve never been much of an anything-doer, but now that I work, I have plenty of tales to spin. Like the time where I was so bored I balled up a waxie and bent a stir stick and played hockey on the counter. Heh heh. That was fun. Or the time where I wrote “Caution: T-Virus” on one of the coffee pots. Sadly, nobody who understood the reference came in before it was washed off. Indeed, there are plenty of crappy points about working, but I think that overall it’s probably a good thing. That being said, I have to go shower. For work is at three, and I’m nowhere near ready.

Talk about your mix-ups

Well, I knew I would be busy today, but it turns out I was a lot busier than I had previously expected. Long story short, I decided that buying a set of drums was a foolhardy and premature idea, so I didn’t. And then I went to watch my obligatory yearly hockey game. You see, the older two of my bros play hockey, and I have to go see one game for each a year, and I got one out of the way today. I did get dinner, coffee and Fun-Dip out of it though, so it wasn’t a total waste of my night.

Anywho, this means that the review will be postponed until Monday. Otherwise, everything is still moving pretty smoothly. I get to wear a costume to work tomorrow, and since I really have nothing else, I was thinking along the lines of shirt ninja. I’ve got a shirt, and a toy sword, so it should come together nicely.

That’s really all I had to do, explain why the review isn’t up yet. I got the pictures and stuff done, just need to write it up. And fortunately, that’s the less boring part of the process. Oh, and I saw some review of the Sims 2 on TV today, and my mom was watching too, and she thought the idea and process of “WooHoo” was absolutely hilarious. Plenty of great car ride funnies too, since I spent the greater part of the day in the van with the family. Oh boy, today was a hoot. Thank God I didn’t end up having to work after all.

I just ate Pop-Tarts. …I’ve got nothin’

One, I don’t have much time before I have to get ready for work, so this’ll be a short post. Two, it’s not going to be very interesting. Three, I’ll be writing and hopefully posting an article tomorrow between cartoons and work. Four, I won’t tell you what it’s about, but there is a very subtle hint here.

So yes, I’ll be doing that. And on Sunday morning, I plan to make a drawn-out post about the ups and downs of the working world. Particularly the working at Tim Horton’s world. After that pillow fiasco and not posting for eight or so days, I think it’s time I gave you a little real content and a side order of real life observations.

In other, less important news, I’ve been buying stuff online. Mostly crap that only I would like, but it has been done. By me. The only trouble is that it takes eight days for the moneys to get from my bank account to my PayPal account, and then the shipping and such takes weeks, so it’s a very very long process. As you may know, when it comes to getting material objects, I’m not a very patient person at all. Speaking of which, less than a month until I get my Nintendo DS. Woot, I say. Woot. Finally, I get a portable version of Super Mario 64. (Which just happens to be my favorite game of all time)

I’ve been thinking… no, not really.

In an effort to make the blog here a little more interesting and less annoying day-to-day events, I’m going to start making posts more subject-oriented. That means more posts like my little reviews or Band of the Month. And today’s topic is none other than one of my favorite things in the world: pillows.

Yes, pillows. The mysteries that surround these fluffy bundles of joy are many, but I have one in particular that I would like to tackle today. Why is it that sleeping-type pillows are always rectangular? It’s a question that one would never really think to ask, but it must be asked nonetheless. And I, I shall figure out why this is so. You see, I was pondering the question today while in the midst of catching a few – as the youth say – “z’s”, and I think I came up with a few reasonable answers to this perplexing puzzle. It’s really quite simple you see, for if a fellow such as I could deduce why this is, than surely most everyone else should be able to come up with some sort of solution on their own.

Firstly, and most visually obvious, is that fact that the rectangular pillow simply matches up with the shape of the common bed better than any other familiar pillow shapes. If you’ve ever placed say, a circular or ovalular pillow on a bed, you’ll notice that it simply does not look right. In the most plain way of saying it, the focal point of the bed is the pillow, and if this does not look right, prospective nappers may shun the bed and go off to find what they may think is a better bed. And while the bed is still perfectly good, if it cannot attract nappers, it will go unused and never fulfill it’s role in the circle of furniture life.

A second, and also important point is how the napper will rest on the pillow. While a circular pillow would seem like a more natural shape to seek for a sleeping-type pillow (since it matches the shape of the human head), it will not provide the same type of support as a rectangular pillow. You see, while nappers nap, they tend to roll from side to side, and along with them goes their head. If a napper were using a circular pillow and were to roll to one side, the napper’s head would invariably lose it’s spot on the pillow and be left with no fluffy support. Whereas with a rectangular pillow, the napper can roll the width of the bed, and always be on the pillow due to the rectangle’s wide shape. As one should be able to tell, a square pillow would fail as well, because it also lacks sufficient width. See diagram 7.2B for visual reference.

The last point that I would like you to take notice of is the fact that the rectangular pillow is also the stereotype pillow. It is used all of the time in many, many different forms of media, ranging from comics to movies. Rarely do we see any other-shaped pillows in such mediums, as they are both not as popular, and simply do not adhere to the first rule, as when we see pillows in media, they are almost 100% of the time on beds.

The information in the three points above is clearly enough proof as to why the rectangular pillow is the pillow best suited for being slept on. They are both more visually appealing and more efficient than any other sort of pillow can be when placed in such a situation. I believe that I’ve made my point quite clear by now, and I’m gonna stop typing all scientificky-like now. Back tot he good old ramble-speak.

If you feel cheated by the clear stupidness of this post, I’ve decided to add in a few links just for good measure. And kicks, too.

The Essay Generator – It’s a neat little internet doodad, and I’ve gotten my kicks from it. Be sure to check out the potentially hilarious Proverb Generator as well. Oh, and the other stuff on the page, too.

The Strangerhood – You’ve heard of Red Vs. Blue, right? Well, the Stangerhood is the new production from the same guys that uses The Sims 2 instead of Halo. I haven’t downloaded Episode 1 yet, but the trailer makes it look pretty good. I expect gobs of hilarity. After all, RVB is actually featured on X-Box demo consoles.

MegaMan Zero 3 review – Because I haven’t done one yet. I actually do plan on doing it, but it’s unfortunately near the bottom of the to-do list, right above my review of Kirby and the Amazing Mirror. Which will also be around… Eventually.

Lik-Sang.com – My new best friend. Finally, I can import video game such and suches from all over the world! One of the very few sites I want to buy stuff from that accepts PayPal. Stupid ThinkGeek. Maybe I’ll even save up and buy the super-rare, super-cool Panasonic Q. Unfortunately, it’s also super-expensive…

The end of and era

I actually did it. Just like I said I would. The twelfth and final Chat Radio is now up and ready for reading. You can access it here. If you’ve never heard of Chat Radio because you’re either a total dipwad or are new to the site, the archive is located right here. So yes. It’s pretty short and boring, so I’ve decided to simply steal the best parts and post them right here for all to see.

~ TE Astrology Time! ~

  • Aquarius: You will sleep long into the afternoon tomorrow. Getting up is difficult for you as you know you need to do the dishes. Weather will be to your liking. You will meet a beautiful woman who is interested in the same things you are
  • Pisces: You’ll notice that you’ve made some poor decisions lately and want to make up for them by making better ones in the future. A pair of Hulk Hands will solve your current biggest problem
  • Aries: Your love life is in trouble. Several people are out to get you, and financial trouble is on it’s way. The best course of action requires a big commitment and a rope.
  • Taurus: It’s time to clean up some large messes you’ve made in the past. A mop and bucket will be at your side in the weeks that follow.
  • Gemini: Luck is in your favor. Spend more time looking in places you normally wouldn’t. You will begin to question where your life is going.
  • Cancer: Everyone loves Cancer. I mean hates. Everyone hates Cancer. You should stay away from cell phones, microwaves, the sun, and pretty much everything else to avoid making your situation any worse.
  • Leo: Facial hair will do you no good in the near future. In fact, not much will, as you’ve got one heck of a bad luck steak coming on. Consider spending more time alone.
  • Virgo: Also known as “The Virgin”, your astrological symbol fits you to a tee. Cheese isn’t going to play a big part in your life any time soon. And watch out for holes.
  • Libra: This week is the perfect opportunity to unblock the bowel obstruction you developed three months ago. You will find yourself living in the room of your house that you least expected.
  • Scorpio: Seven. Remember that number, as it’s going to cost you a lot if you forget it. Poison is probably a bad thing to ingest, but give it a try if you’re feeling really lucky, because I see a miracle in the works for you.
  • Sagittarius: Your astrological sign looks a lot like the word spaghetti. This newfound knowledge will help you both in your personal and financial endeavors.
  • Capricorn: Your new favorite word is toaster oven. Yelling this word is ill advised, and should only be done in extreme cases. Try to eat an entire jar of peanut butter today.

Just a blog. About a new blog

So I’m at work the other day, and I’m on my break. It’s generally pretty boring, with nothing but solitaire and the john to keep me occupied. So I decided to start fooling around with the break room PC. And boy, have I reached a new low. I found an old version of FrontPage sitting around, and decided to check it out to see how the old version works. At first I was confused and afraid, but figured out a little bit how to work it. So I was practicing my HTML, and eventually, I had the start of a blog. So I’ve decided that every couple days or so, I’m going to write in this work blog. It’s not much, but it’s a way for me to while away my breaks. Maybe when I feel it’s done, I’ll put it up on the site and disguise it as something that might be interesting.

On the other hand, my PC is on the brink of totally screwed. My brother keeps downloading crap loaded with spyware, and I have to cleanse it at least once a day. We’re almost at the the point where we need to reinstall Windows again, and I’m dreading having to do that. On the upside, it seems that my Internet Explorer is broken, and not just the internet, so Opera’s working out just fine for me.

I’ve got a lot of things right now that I want to review, but I’m not sure if I’m gonna get around to doing them all. Firstly is the review of my CD collection, which I want to do only to rival my brother’s half-assed attempt. That one I’m doing for sure. Eventually. Some others I’m cosidering are reviews for MegaMan Zero 3 and Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. Both awesome games that deserve reviews. I’ve gotta get back to finishing the Disney World saga, and thankfully there’s only one more entry to go. There aren’t even any pictures in the next one, so I’ll have a tough time remembering everything. Though, I can’t say I did too much on the last two days. Damn. Now that I think about having such a good time there, I feel the need to go back. I wonder how long I’ll have to save with my current salary….?

If you hadn’t checked in a while, I updated the “Who Runs This Thing?” page a couple weeks ago. I’ll be putting up the final episode of Chat Radio on Wednesday or so. I plan to use tomorrow morning to edit it good, and it’ll be up the next morn. Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that I’ve been moved to the evening shift, so morning posts will be more common in the next while. Unless they decide to put me back on mornings after this week. So, to summarize, I’ve got a lot of little projects to do, and I really want to do less blogging in the next while and more actual content. The blog form is easy to do, but it rather boring for readers. Particularly when I maunder about what’s happening at work and such. So I’ll quit writing this now, and get to work on some more interesting stuffs. Like additions to the gallery.

Band of the Month – October 2004

Computer’s still broken. I cleaned out a clump of spyware, but the scanner’s getting stuck on something and freezes up when it gets so far, so there’s probably something bigger afoot. In any case, we’re halfway through the month, and I haven’t done the Band of the Month yet. I did change the link and picture on the sidebar though, so I clearly haven’t totally forgotten about it. So yeah, I think now’s the time.

This month’s band is good old Saliva. I’m sure most of you have heard of them. As far as I can remember, they’ve only had two big hits, with only one being overplayed on the radio, but as far as I’m concerned, they’re still a band that most people probably know of. Boy, my banter is even more annoying and senseless today, isn’t it? Well, it sounds like it as I read it back, but I’m gonna leave it that way. I’m not going to go through the trouble of trying to salvage this train wreck of a paragraph. I just don’t really have it in me. In any case, Saliva’s put out four CDs so far, and I believe that it’s the time where I briefly summarize them for youse.

First up was Every Six Seconds. An excellent CD, which I never got around to actually buying. I dunno why. I loved it, but I guess I just never saw it anywhere. In any case, the hit off this one is clearly “Click Click Boom”, which probably went unnoticed for a while, until it was used in “The Fast and The Furious”. Or at least that’s what I hear. Not sure if it got much radio time, but I personally haven’t ever heard it there. Just in movies. But that’s not the only good song on the disc. You’ve gotta take “After Me” and “Your Disease” into account too. Now that I think of it, the latter may have been a radio song. I’m not sure. I only listen to the 80’s rock radio stations. That aside, all the other songs on the CD are good too, and worth your bandwidth if you wanna give ’em a shot.

Then comes Back Into Your System. This one held their real claim to fame; “Always”. Holy hell did that song get a lot of radio time. And it’s nowhere near the best song on the CD. Not by a long shot. While this CD is a lot slower than the first, it’s probably my favorite. “Superstar II”, which is somehow a sequel to a song, is a great song to start with. Along with great tracks like “Rise Up” and the somber “Rest in Pieces”, it makes for some great listening, particularly for those who like a rollercoaster style album, with both hard rock and slower songs intertwining the whole way through.

The latest CD is called Survival of the Sickest. It’s, well, very different than the last. This CD is all about rock n’ roll. The first track, “Rock N’ Roll Revolution” sets that up pretty well, and the rest of the album follows up with it pretty well. It’s not as slow as Back Into Your System or as fast as Every Six Seconds, but it does find a perfect little niche right in the middle, and always manages to sound good. At first, I was a little on edge about some of the songs, but after listening through it, I’ve warmed up quite nicely to the different sound of the disc. Particularly “Bait & Switch” and the hidden track “Sex, Drugs and Rock N’ Roll”. It sure takes a turn from the last two albums, but in a good way.

And after a little research, I should mention that Every Six Seconds was only the first major release. Before that, they had one independent, self-titled CD. I’d never heard of this CD before now, to be honest, and I only know three songs from it, being “Beg”, “Greater Than/Less Than” and “800”. The first two because they’re also on Every Six Seconds and the third because I’d downloaded it before. In any case, fans of the band seem to like it pretty well, so I guess I’ll just have to refer you to those opinions for now.

Another notable fact is that they’ve done a few extracurricular projects too. Like the uber-popular collaboration with Chad Kroeger of Nickelback: “Hero”. If you’ve ever played… Well, I’m not sure of the year, but I think it’s “Tiger Woods 2002” or something like that, but the soundtrack is like half Saliva, and a few decent remixes too. Finally, they also recorded a song for the Daredevil soundtrack called “Bleed For Me”, which I love. On a different note, the Daredevil soundtrack seems to be quite a find itself. A little too much Evanescence for me (any is too much for me), but the rest seems pretty good. But I should get back to the topic at hand.

Or not. I’m pretty much done. I guess this band of the month feature just started off as album summaries, and has been like that up until now. There’s not a lot else I know to say about music except for pointing out songs I like. But yes, that’s going to be the end for now. I’ll do my best to get future editions done during the first week or so of the month, rather than halfway through. For now though, it’s back to trying to fix my computer. Maybe this is a sign that I should go back to using Opera instead of Internet Explorer. Well it’s worth a shot, right?

Bugged out

As I get more and more accustomed to spending all of my time sleeping and working, it’s getting harder and harder for me to put aside time for work on the site. And no, this isn’t the “I’m giving up on the site” speech we’ve all been expecting to hear for almost two years now. No, I’m just saying that I’m unhappy that I can’t devote whole days to writing articles anymore. And the fact that my computer is going nuts at the moment is exacerbating things quite a bit.

Time for an explanation, methinks. Well, for one, it’s a struggle to just get the damn thing to boot up. It’s got this problem where Windows breaks while loading and immediately restarts right as the error screen comes up. This produces an endless cycle of restarting, with no way to know the cause. And once that gives up and lets me sign in, it seems that my profile has contacted some sort of bug. Oh, and not just any bug. It’s a real annoying little bastard. You see, it makes it so that if I even so much as think about opening a web browser, the whole damn thing grinds to a halt. I’ve sat through this once, and it seems that it’s just taking a real damn long time to load, but everything else is slowed like hell too, so it’s not like I can even do anything else while I wait. I have no idea what caused this problem, because it was working fine a day ago, and only just in the last 10 hours has this problem arisen. Also curious is the fact that I hadn’t done anything questionable in the last while, unless using BitTorrent to download anime and burning CDs can screw the hell out of a computer.

On the upside, I can still use other profiles to work the internet, so I can still update. But it’s going to be real annoying for me to do anything else I use the computer for, like downloading anime and video game soundtracks. The fact that I can’t access my files and use the internet at the same time is going to really piss me off after about 5 minutes, so I’m going to have to get to the bottom of this one quick.

In other news, I finally got my PayPal account set up. Hooray for me, I can finally buy things online. Only the goddamned Homestar Runner store doesn’t accept PayPal. Or it does and I missed the option. But I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I’ll have to check again after I’m done typing this. I really want a Trogdor hoodie.

You’ve got red on you

My reviews of “Dawn of the Dead” and “28 Days Later” were rather sparkling, so you know that I quite enjoy zombie movies. The gore, the paper-thin plot, and watching the characters fail hopelessly at making it through alive are all fundamental parts of any zombie flick. Lately, they’ve been changing the formula around, making for zombies that aren’t really zombies, but star athletes and spies that just happen to have a hunger for human flesh. And not since the Evil Dead trilogy have we seen a funny zombie movie.

But “Shaun of the Dead” has got it all. Being a parody, it was bound to be funny, but I never quite realized the true potential funny that it had. “Shaun of the Dead” is straight-up, stripped-down, kickass Hilarious. In between all the zingers and fart jokes are some genuinely amusing sight gags and other stuff that I’m not sure how to categorize. It’s a movie that other movies should look up to. Not since “Goldmember” have I seen a movie that kept me laughing almost the whole way through.

And for the other standards, how does “Shaun of the Dead” stack up as a zombie parody? Well, there’s gore. Not boatloads of it, but when you do get to see blood and innards flying about, it’s absolutely beautiful. The plot is great and you can really relate to it, but more on that in the next paragraph. All the characters are rather realistic. I mean, most of the time, the heroes are regular joes, but this bunch of loonies, they set the regular joe standards. Our hero, Shaun, works in an electronics store, and his roomie is a fat, unemployed bum who just plays Timesplitters 2 all day long. Oh, and having Timesplitters 2 in the movie was really awesome. Best of all, the zombies in this movie are actually zombies! None of this running around and being smart crap we’ve been getting lately. These are your good old-fashioned, stumble-around-slowly, fooled-by-impersonators, hungry-for-brains, dead-if-decapitated zombies. It’s nice to see they’ve not been forgotten with all the new Hollywood zombies around.

The plot in this movie is just excellent. It all starts with our hero Shaun getting a lecture about needing to change his ways from his girlfriend, Liz. You see, they spend pretty much every night at Shaun and Ed’s favorite pub, the Winchester. She’s sick of it, and wants him to take her somewhere nice. So the next day begins and you really get the impression of how tedious his life is. Short version of this day’s events: he goes to work, blows it with Liz, gets drunk and is left without a hope or a girlfriend. The next day, he does the exact same morning routine, but it’s his day off, so he heads home when he’s done with his errands. Only you’ll notice that while Shaun’s actions don’t change at all, the scenery does. He doesn’t even notice, showing how repetitive his life it, and that he pretty much goes through on autopilot.

So he gets home, and then the rollercoaster of laughs really gets going. Ed discovers a girl in the garden and the two go to find out why she’s there. At first, they think she’s drunk, but then they accidentally impale her on a pipe or something, and when she gets up, they realize they’ve got a problem. Then a fat zombie shows up and they run inside. From the TV, they find out what’s going on, and they learn how to kill the zombies: by destroying the brain or decapitating them. So, they got back outside and huck everything from old records to pottery at them. After exhausting their supply of throwables, they get a paddle and shovel and just beat the zombies into submission. And I’ll tell you now, this scene is positively hilarious. The banter between Shaun and Ed is gold, and the fact that they don’t really seem phased at all considering that they’ve got two zombies in their back yard is great.

After their close encounter, Shaun resolves to go save his mum and Liz, and take them to the safest place he knows: The Winchester. And I’m not going to give away the rest of the story, because you need to see this movie. It only goes uphill from this point on, although the first encounter scene is really hard to top. Again, you need to see this movie. I loved it, and I am definitely going to buy it when it comes out.

If there is anything at all I can complain about, it’s that unlike most movies where they pick of one or two characters every once in a while (depending on the size of the cast), in this movie they pretty much get it all over at once. Really, once the first of the team of six goes, the rest will shortly follow. Sorry for the little spoiler, but I was a little annoyed at how it played out. Seriously, I think they all die within five minutes. It just ain’t right. But on the upside, all the death is followed up by a spectacular ending with more than a single twist. Oh boy, it’s great.

So yeah. There’s my review of “Shaun of the Dead”, currently competing with “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” for the title of best movie I’ve seen this year. It was awesome, and it had everything I need to enjoy a movie and then some. Sadly, there wasn’t any nudity, a strange twist because most zombie movies have at least one breast in them, but that’s neither here nor there.