Beyond comprehension

OK, I couldn’t sleep until I added something important to the site, so here you have it. A friend of mine wrote a thing (approx. 2 pages long) about me. It’s totally insane and unbelievably funny. You mostly won’t believe the funny because it’s so (for lack of a better word) stupid. It’s like the textual incarnation of White Ninja. But anyway, it’s up, and I’ve got the itch to write (or re-write (explaination later)) one myself, so I’m making a whole Pseudo-article subpage for them. It’s just one page now, but when more are added, it’ll be an archive-type thing like all the Pseudo-articles. And that’s all I’m going to add for the next 48 hours or so, so be content and sign the guestbook or post in the forums. Or both!

~Ryan out.

Don’t look back

OK, so the post is a little late, but it’s here. Yesterday’s fixer-uppers include facelifts for both the Home and Links pages. The Home page lost the little links bar on the side, as it looks a lot better properly centered on the page. The spurring reason is that I added the link for the guestbook, and it was getting just a wee bit too cluttered. So I changed it. As for the links page, I was getting annoyed at how damn long it was, so I divided it into 3 sections and 2 columns. The first column is for run-of-the-mill sites that I like, and the second contains sites owned by my friends or other sites I’ve made, as well as a separate section for the many Web Comics I read. And I added 2 new links to the Web Comics section while I was there. As for future updates, I’ve started my next article, and it’ll probably be up on the weekend sometime. But as you know, my guesstimations are usually off, so don’t get your hopes up. So that’s about all I have to report. I’ll make sure to post again if anything important comes up

~Ryan out.

More than a feeling

Since I had nothing to do (aside from video games) tonight, I decided that I’d redo my profile page. And I even made it a new page, too. So then I realized the consequences of my actions and went and changed the links on every page, also making sure to add forum links on any that were lacking. I think the only pages I didn’t update are those in the news archive. So that took me a good hour to do. Now I’m sitting here waiting for both pictures for my next article and a guest article that is supposably currently in production. Soon enough, I shall also do the 2nd part of the 6-pack review. But for now, I shall go and hope that Just for Laughs is on. I’ve been addicted to standup lately, and it’s pretty much all I’ve been watching. So I’m gone. I might update later this week, even tomorrow. Who knows? I guess FF:CC isn’t taking as much precedence as I thought.

~Ryan out.

Burn

Huzzah! Today I killed the evil doggy known as Bess. Of course, with a little from my good friend the internet. Well, it’s not a perfect solution, but it will work for the times being. And as well, I added me a new link. And that’s about it for now. News posting at school is fun and rebellious.

~Ryan out.

All night long

I’ve been playing Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles for about 3 days straight now. Well, not including school time of course. I imagine that statement itself tells you what I think about the game. Heck, I’d be playing it now, but my GameBoy is recharging and I’m too damned lazy to re-hook up the GameCube to my TV. If you saw my setup, you’d understand why. But anywho, I might be putting a little something up in a while, and the comic may be starting sometime in the near future. All I need to do is redraw a few more strips. Demand is getting high, and I just can’t disappoint the fans. Later in the month, I’ll be finishing the 6-pak review, and I’ll be getting another guest article pretty soon. I guess what I’m trying to say, in a roundabout way, is use the forums more. They’re pretty dead as it is, and there’s no reason for that to be.

~Ryan out.

Tequila!

Today I did that mini-review, since there’s nothing else to do at 8AM on a Sunday. Sure I’m posting it a lot later, but hey, these things take a while to write. And now that that’s done, it’s almost time for MegaMan NT Warrior! You may not think it’s that hot, but you know how I’m a huge MegaMan fanboy. So now that I’ve done what I promised, it’s time to kick back, watch cartoons, and then maybe play some Wind Waker. I might even take a nap. Yeah.. that sounds good… Later.

~Ryan out.

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

First of all, if you’re actually reading this, I salute you, as some people might have skipped it just because of the subject in question. And that makes me unhappy, because Pee-wee’s Big Adventure is a great movie. I can remember always enjoying Pee-wee’s Playhouse, and damned if I’m going to shun something just because of indecent exposure. But that aside, let’s get to the review.

Like I said, I really loved Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, and just like with the Goonies, I watch it every time it’s on TV. It’s just one of those great adventure-type movies that never really gets old. All those funny one-liners and 80’s slang is infinitely entertaining. Plus, it stars Pee-wee Herman, possibly one of the greatest victims of extreme quirkiness ever.

I guess a film review wouldn’t be very complete without a bit of a plot synopsis, so here we go. As our movie starts, we get Pee-wee doing his morning routine; eating a breakfast of Mr. T cereal, watering the lawn, and going for a ride on his bike. We’re also introduced to the yang to Pee-wee’s yin, (at least, I think that’s the term. In any case, Pee-wee’s sworn enemy,) Francis. This fat freak is more or less the main villain of the flick, so feel free to hate him as soon as you see him. After failing to be convinced to sell his bike to Francis, Pee-Wee goes on his way.

He gets to the mall, stops by a magic shop to pick up some supplies and then heads to the bike store to get his custom bike horn. Dotty, Pee-wee’s friend and a worker at the bike shop, stops Pee-wee for a chat, and tries to convince him to take her on a date. But like me, Pee-wee just can’t confine himself to one woman, so he (rather ungraciously) declines and leaves, only to find that his bike has been stolen! Now this wouldn’t be such a big deal, but Pee-wee’s bike is clearly the alpha male of bikes.

In a state of mixed panic and anger, Pee-wee rushes to accuse Francis, and opens our first scene of horror. Now Francis just happens to be having a bath when Pee-wee arrives, and that is a very, very bad thing for our eyes. While he is wearing a bathing suit, his form is much less than appealing, and we have to watch it blubber around for far too long. Though the scene does have some comedy value, it’s almost disturbing in its own little way.

Since Francis didn’t have the bike, Pee-wee realizes that he’s gonna have to seek some help, so he calls a meeting of all his friends. When they prove to be no help, he winds up at a fortune teller’s place, and she tells him that his bike is in the basement of the Alamo. This sparks the beginning of Pee-wee’s big adventure, and my, is it a big adventure.

The movie is full of everything, and doesn’t cut any corners. There is plenty of hilarity, and a lot of action to boot. Pee-wee meets a wide variety of people, including an escaped convict (he cut the tag off a mattress!), a ghostly truck driver, a wannabe-French waitress, her insanely jealous boyfriend, a hobo, and plenty of other outrageous characters. The fun never ends in this movie, but there is one scene that is really farking scary.

When Pee-wee is walking down the highway in the dark, he gets picked up by a suspicious trucker. She calls herself Large Marge, and tells Pee-wee the story of a horrible trucking accident. The mood at this point has gone far from child’s comedy and gotten downright creepy. And then to top it all off, Large Marge scares the living crap out of Pee-wee and me, by turning into this horrible claymation monster. Sure, it doesn’t sound scary in words, but the first time I saw it I had nightmares for all too long, and every time I’ve seen it afterwards I left the room until I was sure the scene was over.

Okay, maybe I’m making a much bigger deal of this than I should have, and maybe it’s not all that scary, but it was damn horrendous when my age was still a single digit. Come to think of it, this movie is a whole year older than me! I never realized that until now. Odd… But anyway, RoG at I-Mockery thinks is pretty damn freaky too, and people respect him more than me, so… so yeah!

But back to the rest of the movie, as far as I can remember, it’s a far cry from the show, mostly because Pee-wee spends almost no time in his house. It’s quite sad, I can’t remember even a guest appearance by Chairy. And what is the secret word? We may never know… While Pee-wee’s dog Speck was in the movie, he only got a little bit of on-screen time. But to be completely honest, all I can really remember of Pee-wee’s Playhouse is the little parody thing they did on Family Guy.

At least we still saw a lot of Pee-wee. That’s why anyone would watch the movie. Honestly, who could not want to be like him? He’s quite literally a grown man living the life of a child! Think about it for a moment, and if you can think of a better way to live life than acting like a kid, having no job (but still mysteriously getting income), eating Mr T cereal, and having the bike that everyone else wants, you’ve got one Hell of a problem.

I should also mention that there are quite a few special guest appearances. My personal favourite was Twisted Sister, but also on the list are big stars like James Brolin and Godzilla. Actually… I think there was only one other, but if you wanna know for sure, just look it up or watch the movie and read the Special Guest Stars list in the credits.

Now as for memorable scenes, the best one is easily the bar dance, where Pee-wee is caught by a biker gang and is given one last request. He uses it to pop a coin into the jukebox, grab a pair or dance shoes, and then rocks out to “Tequila”. His dance wins the collective affection of the gang, and they send him out on his way on a motorcycle, only to have him crash into a signboard, resulting in absolute hilarity.

Another scene you’ll more than likely take notice of, is when Pee-wee is chaining up his bike outside the mall. The producers obviously missed a little something, as Pee-wee pulls a very long chain out of a compartment that obviously couldn’t hold it, and when they zoom in on the box, you can see the chain being fed into the bottom of it. Sure, it’s unintentional funny, but it’s one of the parts I remember best.

So in the end, Pee-wee’s Big Adventure is one Helluva movie. Unless you still harbour some kind of grudge against Paul Rubens, I can’t see a way that anyone could not enjoy this movie. It quite literally has a little something for everybody, and it’s a lot of fun. I’d buy it, but I just don’t do that kind of thing. You on the other hand, I advise you to at least try to catch it next time it’s on TV, cause it’s definitely worth your time. Especially if you can’t sleep and want something to do. A+

The Good Stuff:
  • It’s Pee-Wee
  • TEQUILA!
  • Classic 80’s humour
  • I pity the fool that don’t eat Mr. T Cereal!
    		•
    The Bad Stuff:
  • It’s Pee-Wee
  • Large Marge will GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES
  • I don’t eat Mr. T cereal…
    		•

    Back in time

    This is the first news post of February. There probably won’t be very many after it. There is gonna be a lot of gaming going on when I get Crystal Chronicles and my Zelda Collector’s Disc, so like I said at the end of last month, don’t expect much for a while after the 10th. 3 days left… I haven’t been looking forward to a game this much since the Wind Waker. I guess I was pretty hyped for Viewtiful Joe, but not so much that I was counting the days. After that period of gaming though… I won’t be getting many games unless I just trash the idea of buying a digital camera, which I don’t want to do. In any case, I might have a mini-review up tomorrow or Monday, and then it’s all up to fate. And that’s it for toady. Have a good night, and the new Astro Boy show isn’t all that good.

    ~Ryan out.

    Lazy

    Ah, January sure was a productive month for me. I finished the first half of my last year of high school, and I did a lot of work on the site. I got more than a week’s worth of vacation, and I preordered Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles and got a free GCN-GBA link cable. I’ve got a few articles lined up, and sadly to say, they’re all video game reviews. I guess I could do the Squirrel Game… but nayforth and such and such. I’ll have at least one done this week, and then I’ll probably be taking a while off when I pick up FF:CC. I know I had another good idea, but I just can’t remember what it was. Maybe a few mini-articles will be on the way as well, it’s hard to say for sure. All I know is that I’m gonna enjoy the fact that Februaury is gonna be a very good month for slacking off. So I’ll see you around, but probably not very much.

    ~Ryan out.

    (Happy b-day to a special girl. You don’t know me yet, but you’ll love me when you do!)