It’s bringin’ me to my knees

When The Tall One turned 18, he got himself a new cell phone and one of them fancy-pants plans. That left his pay-as-you-go phone out in the cold. Over the next couple months money was passed under the table and blood was spilt, and phones changed hands all over the place. In the end, I ended up with a free cell phone. It’s a third-gen hand-me-down, but hey, it’s not like I ever planned to use the thing. I had no intent of getting a cell phone ever, but I accepted and it’s actually bailed me out of a couple sticky situations.

In any case, as I am wont to do, I quickly started browsing for games to play on the thing. Yeah, I know pretty much all mobile games except Bejeweled suck, but it was something I needed to see with my own eyes. And that’s why I have the mobile version of MegaMan 2.

Ya heard me. I downloaded MegaMan 2 for my cell phone. It was a horrible idea and overexpensive, but I stand by my decision, because really, it’s not as bad as you might assume.

Don’t get me wrong, shit doesn’t even match up to the legendary NES version, even though it’s almost exactly the same. The level layouts mimic the original perfectly, from each enemy to every power-up item. All the bosses are present, and they all follow the exact same patterns they did almost 20 years ago. In this respect, it’s a perfect port. Oh, except for the disappearing blocks. Those are all gone. But personally, I consider that a plus. I fucking hate the disappearing blocks.

However, there’s more than just content to worry about, most importanly being how the game plays. Maybe it works better on more powerful mobiles, but on my phone, MegaMan 2 runs at about half speed. This alone makes the game unabashedly easy. Remember how you could never get past QuickMan’s stage because of those Godforsaken lasers? Yeah, at half speed, they’re totally nerfed. I flew by the entire stage without even thinking about using the Time Stopper. Also, Mega jumps about 1.5 times his regualr jump height, and you can imagine that that makes things a lot easier too. If you put the game speed back to normal, the extra jumping power alone would be enough to see you through some of the most difficult parts of the game.

But there’s gotta be other downsides to the game besides being too easy, right? Oh totally. The original music is all there, and it’s decent quality too. The issue is that all the tracks are about half their original length, and do not loop well at all. For the first time in the history of ever, playing MegaMan 2 with the sound off is actually a good idea. Also, the stage backgrounds are missing, but that’s a problem that I can easily see past. I actually didn’t even notice they were gone until I got to FlashMan’s stage, so yeah.

Do I recommend MegaMan 2 mobile? Honestly, no. It’s playable, but it’s still a complete butchery of the best MegaMan game ever. I can say all the good things I want about it, but you just can’t match up to dusting off your NES and ricking the original. Capcom probably hasn’t made a MegaMan Powered Up! 2 because they know that no matter how much they improve it, MegaMan fans will likely shun it as a bastardization of their holy grail. I’d sure like it though. But don’t get the mobile one. Unless you totally suck at platformers and want to see the end. Even then you’re better off just trying to find a Game Genie.

Leave a Reply