I was reviewing my bank account the other day and nearly died laughing when I saw this credit card payment entry:
(If you’re not aware, a merkin is a wig for your genitals.)
This came about because you aren’t allowed a ton of characters in a transaction description, so I often truncate it… this payment happened to be for Borderlands: The Handsome Collection and my ticket to The Merkin Sisters.
A couple days ago, I went to see my very first Winnipeg Fringe Theatre Festival show. It was called The Merkin Sisters and I have no idea where to even start.
While my immediate reaction upon being asked to go to the show was “ugh, not some hipster amateur-hour bulls**t,” I took a few minutes to think it over, and decided that it would be something new and different to do. If nothing else it would likely be something vaguely interesting to talk about, if by some chance another human were to engage me in conversation.
Then I learned that it was a comedy show, and I was 100% on board.
Now, comedy is… not an entirely accurate descriptor. There were many laughs during the show, for sure, but it was more like a series of weird performance art pieces that just happened to elicit laughter from the audience. This was a bizzare show, a strange combination of interpretive dance, puppets, giant wigs, and some sort of weird menstruation bit involving a pink sweater and a red scarf. It was like a cross between sketch comedy and a hallucinogenic drug trip.
A show more about physical comedy and just being weird, the actresses (is that the right word?) were weirdly robotic throughout the show, often moving in quick, stilted motions and barking out lines emotionlessly in that weird way that performance artists do on TV. It was somehow even weirder after the show when they dropped their stage personas and acted like regular human beings as they thanked the audience, recommended other shows, and presented their merch.
I think that the nicest way to sum up my feelings about the experience is that I’m not smart enough to have really “gotten it.” It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, because I did. I just felt confused and bewildered more than anything. I was acutely aware that I wasn’t laughing as much as the rest of the audience, which makes me a little sad. I wanted to like it more than I did, but what can you do? I’d definitely recommend seeing The Merkin Sisters though, as it is absolutely unlike anything else I’ve ever seen. Maybe I didn’t get all the lulz, but I’m still glad that I went.
Stockholm syndrome is real.
Do you want to know how I know this? I miss ArcaniA. That buggy hot mess of a game that I played for roughly a month to help justify buying yet another Humble Bundle. I was so glad when it was over, because it was not very good, and I didn’t care at all about the plot or characters, and it was grating on my nerves because I had to play on the Very Hard mode to get the platinum trophy. My weekends were once again free to play whatever the heck I wanted instead of being chained to this trainwreck “project” game!
But now I miss it. When I sit down to pick out a game to play in my free time, my mind often wanders to ArcaniA and then I feel an emptiness inside because it is no longer a part of my life.
How in the sweet, crispy Hell did this happen?
On another note, the fact that I will doggedly play games I don’t like because I feel obligated to “finish” them (whatever that might mean) is a completely separate mental illness.
Should I make a Switch category? I kinda want to make a Switch category. What do you think?
Nah, I don’t think I’m gonna do that. It wouldn’t be fair to all the other consoles that don’t have their own category. And I’m way too lazy to go back and tag all the archived posts accordingly.
This post probably should have been a Tweet, if I were the type to Twitter.
One of those things I really dislike about WordPress is that I can’t mouse-over the old post titles that are song lyrics to see what song they’re from. It’s probably a thing I could implement, but I don’t care that much.
I’ve probably complained about this before. But… whiners gotta whine.
One of the best features of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is how it allows you to approach nearly any situation in any way you like.
For example: the super dramatic scene where Link pulls the Master Sword from its pedestal, which I completely ruined by making him wear a goofy rubber fish hat.
Okay, that’s a terrible example, but I thought it was funny.
Also it would have been better for you, the reader, if the camera had been a little closer to Link, so as you could actually see the goofy rubber fish hat. Alas.
Switch can post screenshots to Facebook and Twitter, but since it lacks an actual internet browser, I can’t upload those screenshots directly to WordPress.
Wii U can do that! Why can’t you, Switch? Come on!
Let’s switch gears for a little while here, and steer the conversation away from you-know-which-game. Just for a while. Today I want to write about something completely different. Something called Glittermitten Grove.
This is a cute little resource management-type game where you help a colony of fairies to build themselves a foresty wonderland. The goal of the game is more or less to simply gather enough food to get your fairies through the winter. It’s pretty easy at first, as you only have like three fairies, and they consume roughly 2 food units a season.
Then things get a little more complicated, as more fairies move in. You’ll have to build more panties to hold more food. Since fairies also tire out over time, you’ll need to build houses for them to sleep in. And of course, you need materials from which to construct these buildings, which brings us to possibly the most interesting part of the game: wood.
As in many other video games, and also real life, wood is harvested from trees. Trees will grow on their own over time, and you can chop of bits and pieces of them to collect wood. Branch size and type of tree will dictate how much wood you actually earn. But you can’t just go cutting everything down all willy-nilly. Nope. Trees are also where all of your buildings are constructed, so you have to strike a careful balance between trimming the trees to gain wood, and keeping them large enough to support your fairy colony.
Light also plays a prominent role. Trees need to get sufficient sunlight to stay alive, and a tree that lives in the shadows for too long will wither and die. Your playfield is also dictated by a different light, which is provided by sight orbs. Everything out of the range of these orbs is covered in an impenetrable fog of war. Sight orbs are built using sparkles, which are collected by placing a prism in a tree and letting it absorb sunlight.
Sparkles also fuel magic, which comes in two varieties. There is the Fertilizer spell, which speeds up the growth of a tree. It’s nice that you can target specific parts of the tree, if you should need to add some weight to one side, or just want to grow out some extra branches to chop. There is also a fireworks spell, which is used to dig underground. There, you can find plenty of neat stuff, like crystals and treasure chests that are loaded with resources. I’ve heard there’s even a big secret under there somewhere…
Glittermitten Grove is a much more robust game than it seems at first glance. Having to balance light, trees, resources, and magic all at once is very engaging and a little challenges. I’ve made it through more than one winter with only two or three food bits left. It’s very nice to play a real-time resource management game after years and years of the stupid mobile and mobile-like games that run on a series of timers.
Also nice is that every fairy has a cute/dumb cliché fairy name, like Lavender Twinklebottom or Sprinkles Honeygrape. It’s fun just to look at them all and see which names make you groan the loudest.
I don’t know when or if the game ends, but I do intend to keep playing for a bit. While the gameplay that I’ve seen is robust enough to hold my interest for a while, it does seem like there should be something else to it. Or maybe you just play until you simply can’t keep up with the influx of fairies. I do have hope that something new will unlock eventually, because the game could certainly stand to offer a surprise or two.
Gosh, work sure has been workey lately. Doin’ all the work and business. Keeping the numbers up. Or down, maybe, depending on which way they ought to be.
Good lord, I wish there were something halfway interesting to say about my work. Alas!
There are other boring real-life developments to talk about, though! Hooray!
Like, for one, I am now officially the proud owner of an automocar. I don’t know how I keep managing to bumble into life improvements, but that’s just the way it goes for me. Law of averages, I suppose. When you don’t take action to make things happen, something’s bound to happen on its own eventually, right?
But yes, when my late grandfather passed, his car was given to my uncle, so that he could ferry my grandmother about. Once in a while, I would borrow it when necessary. Over the course of time, it began to stay in my possession longer and longer. My grandma would often talk about how she just wanted me to have it, but unfortunately I just didn’t have the means to support car ownership. Now that I’m living with mom and dad again, my cup overfloweth and I was finally able to complete the transaction and register the car under my name. The extra nice part is that my grandma was paying the insurance up until now. I’d like to pay her back, but there is no reality in which she would accept my money. I mean, she gave me a whole freaking car for free.
Have I mentioned lately how great my grandparents are? Even if I have, it can’t be said enough. And I mean all four of ’em. I really should make more time to spend with the three I have left.
Next up: Home renovations! Or, bedroom renovations, I guess. I think that at this point, I have put more work into improving my temporary bedroom than I ever did when I was a homeowner. The hook I hung on the door is almost too simple to mention, but I also installed a wall mount for my massive television. I had put it off for a month, but then realized that I could really use the extra surface space, so now my TV hovers in the air. Huzzah!
I also put up a small shelf over my bed to hold all my toys. I did a very thorough job of making sure it was level, but then completely forgot to center it properly between the wall and window. So now it’s mis-aligned with the photo frame that hangs directly above it, and it’s driving me bananas. I don’t feel like banging new holes into the wall and filling up the old ones though, so I’m just going to learn to live with it. It will forever be a reminder of my inability to do even the simplest tasks properly.
Also, yes, I know that frame is still empty. If I had a picture worth putting in there, I would.
I’m fairly well-known as the kind of person who doesn’t like to do things that require effort and/or pants. But last weekend, I did a whole lot of things! New(ish) things! Including but not limited to:
What an exciting life I lead!
