Put your hands up!

The (almost) greatest breakfast sandwich ever:

  • Slice of buttered bread
  • A layer of bacon (each layer would be 2-3 strips)
  • A fried egg
  • Slice of cheese
  • Second layer of bacon
  • Second Fried Egg
  • Another slice of cheese
  • Third layer of bacon
  • Slice of buttered bread
  • Strip of bacon on top (hold it on with a toothpick for class)

Yes, it’s simple, but it’s awesome. I suppose you could mix it up a bit with some sort of condiment (I like to lightly pepper the eggs), but it’s still officially a work in progress. I intend to perfect this sandwich in the near future. Bigger! Badder! More bacon! Expect to hear about it when I have, or maybe not because I’ll have died from a heart attack. Hey, you’ve gotta suffer for your art.

Gimme an R!

It’s been flying on the edge of the radar since it was announced, so you may or may not have heard about Drawn to Life. If you have heard about it, you know exactly why I bought it.

Drawn to Life is, in essence, a platformer. However, the platforming part of the game is like 34% of why I enjoy it. Quite frankly, the controls are a little sluggish, and it’s been painfully easy so far. But that aside, it’s also a game about drawing! Yes!

As you can tell from the boxart, you get to draw in your own character, and while that’s kinda neat, it also sucks a little. No matter how nice your drawing is, it will always look like shit in play, and it’s animated quite poorly too. I suppose that’s the price you pay for getting to draw your character though. But hey, the rest is pretty awesome! You get to draw a ton of other things, like platforms and weapons and stuff, and it’s wonderful! Unlike your main character, all the other sprites come out looking great, and I could simply sit there for hours filling in the landscape with custom props, and then bouncing around and reveling in their beauty. In fact, that’s basically what I’ve done with the game so far.

While you get to design a lot of objects from scratch, with the ability to do whatever you want inside a set frame, there are a handful of things you’re provided with an outline for and can only really colour in. Of course, this is still pretty fun. It’s not quite as great as drawing in an imitation Air Tikki where you’re supposed to draw a cloud, it still allows for a good amount of creativity.

The music in Drawn to Life is pretty upbeat and spunky, but nothing really special. I mean, it’s decent, but you could just as well turn off the volume and put on your own tunes in the background. The graphics, the ones that don’t depend on the player’s drawing talent, are pretty nice. Think Rocket Slime with a little more detail. The animation is very crisp, too. Not quite as smooth as you’d see in the more recent Kirby games, but the artist’s effort really shows through.

As I touched on briefly, the gameplay is weaker than I’d like, but it’s not unforgivably bad. The best way to describe it is to say that it plays like a good (but not great) Flash platformer. So kinda janky and amateurish, but still playable. The ability to doodle in most of the environmental objects and a ton of other stuff really makes the game worth playing for me. Did I mention there is plenty of secret crap to collect? Oh yeah, there’s boatfuls. In conclusion, I think it was totally worth my $30. It’s no Mario Bros game, but if I wanted a game where everything was already drawn in, I’d just play something else.

As for a score? I’d say six and a half out of ten interchangable rating doodads.

Even to the end of his life

Hello. My name is Ryan. and I’m a Facebookaholic. I haven’t been on Facebook for almost six days now. I think I’m making some real progress.

Seriously, I was having trouble there for a while. I’d poke around Facebook for hours on end, never really accomplishing anything. At least when I spend my Friday nights surfing Wikipedia I’m learning something. My infatuation with just being on the site was becoming a problem, because days would melt away as I poked through random groups and people’s profiles. It made me late for work on one occasion. But times are going to change. I don’t even know why I was on there in the first place. I’m a loner. I don’t want to make friends. Fuck that noise.

In a completely unrealted story, Sam & Max kicks ass. It’s nice to see that people can still make quality adventure games. The fact that I laughed more during the first half of the first episode than I have at anything on TV lately means something too. But I won’t say what, because I think you should be able to draw your own conclusions. In any case, if your PC is up to it, it’s $30 very well spent. If you don’t enjoy it on some level, you’re pretty much a waste of your parents’ reproductive cells.

And they feed vegetarians to whales

Hmmm. It’s been a busy month, sort of. Busier week too. At least, I’ve been up to plenty; most importantly, thinking of what to say in this Band of the Month post.

A lot of people will stutter for a while, and flip-flop on the subject for a while, but if you were to ask me what my favourite band is, I’d immediately tell you that it’s Queen. I listen to a couple bands more often, but I’ve always had a special place in my heart for Queen.

You may wonder why if Queen is my favourite band, I haven’t featured them as the BotM until now. Because, quite frankly, I wanted to save them for a special occasion. And I think that special occasion took place just a couple months ago, though I didn’t really realize it until late August. See, I’ve always liked Queen (I have all their original releases, all their live albums, and most hits compilations), but I’ve always fallen back on their more popular content, like “Somebody To Love” and “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. I had listened to all their albums, and it’s easy to see that their music changed a lot over time, which is officially a good thing, but I’d always go back to A Night At The Opera or A Kind Of Magic, never really listening to the fist couple albums. Big mistake.

See, my special occasion here is that I think my taste in music has finally grown up. Lately I’ve been eschewing the later albums for the first two, which I’ve come to see as the best of them all. Songs like “Liar”, “March of the Black Queen” and “The Fairy-Feller’s Master Stroke” now far outclass the likes of “Somebody to Love” and “Play The Game” in my opinion. I mean, I still enjoy the vast majority of Queen’s work, but the early stuff is really reacting with me lately. I used to think fantasy had no business in rock, but now I’ve come to accept it. Perhaps even like it. An increase in Led Zeppelin intake may be behind this change in opinion.

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, Queen died with Freddie Mercury. Don’t get me wrong, Brian and Roger still rock on, and I guess Paul Rodgers is a pretty good singer, but it’s not the same. I know a lot of bands change up members all the time, but Queen was Queen for over 35 years, and without the original members, they might as well just be a different band. The Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert kicked ass all over the place, but I’m a crotchety old man who hates change. So as much as I enjoy the band, that fandom lives only in memories and dusty vinyl records.

So those are the couple things I wanted to touch on. If it seems really disjointed and crappy, that’s because I’m a poor writer. But I got my ideas across, and that’s what I came here to do, whether they came across sloppy or not. Now go download the Queen discography. It’ll take like a week because it seems like they release the same hits album under a different title every couple months (the songs are also slightly rearranged), but it’ll be worth it. Or maybe just download the first album and then one hits disc, just so you can see the huge difference in musical style.

Tomorrow: Battling addiction!

Todaybor Day is Labour Day

It’s been a long week, but finally I get to kick back for a little Labor Daybor. Third-style Private Bandetto and I will be finishing up Metroid Prime 3 with our day off, and hopefully you’re doing something equally as fulfilling. If you’ve got nothing to do, I highly suggest entering the Coozy For Hire Anniversary Contest. There are wonderful* prizes and all you have to do is draw a comic! It’ll be awesome**, really.

*Prizes may not be that wonderful

**Contest experience may not be that awesome

Right!

I don’t have any idea what it was, but something was mucking up my page, making it hard to see. In any case, it’s fixed now. Maybe. Onto greater things, then!

I’d like to open with this statement: I really like Metroid Prime 3. It’s awesome the controls are effin’ sweet, and it’s very fun. Now more to the point, I think it may be a bit overrated. Everyone’s just shitting themselves slathering the damn thing with far more praise than I think it really deserves. I mean, yeah, it’s a well-crafted game, but it’s no better than the first two once you take away the motion controls. I dunno. I’m always the first one to kiss Nintendo’s ass, but really, I just don’t see it as being quite as deserving of so much praise as some other games. The thing is, we knew the motion controls would rock ass for FPS games, it’s just that Retro is the first developer to get them right. So, um, I don’t really know where I was going with this, but I think the point is that if you take away the Wiimote and nunchuk, people wouldn’t be anywhere near as excited about this game as they are. And I guess if nothing else, that proves how much that little pointer can do for games.

I guess that’s actually all I had to say for today. I’m sure there was something else, but nothing’s coming to me, so I’m off. Laterz.

What about the thieves?

I guess everybody knows that BioShock is awesome by now. If not… Get on the fuckin’ train man. I’m not really into shooters, but there’s so much to love about BioShock that there’s no way I could skip it. The funny thing is that for the longest time I just kept ignoring the hype around it, and a week before the thing launched I decided to give the demo a shot. It kind of goes without saying that the demo really sold me on it.

Most people just keep going on and on about how great the story is, but for me, it’s all about the atmoshpere. Honestly, I love playing scary games, even if they’re kinda bad in the gameplay department (except for Clock Tower 3, that was just awful), but BioShock is fun to play as well, especially given the fact that you can search like everything for items, and there are roughly seventy billion character upgrades of various sorts to collect. Incase you weren’t aware, I love to collect things in video games. One of the other less-mentioned things I like is that the harder achievements are challenging but not frustratingly difficult to earn, as they would be in oh, let’s say Crackdown. I really don’t even know what else to say. It’s a game you totally have to play. If I can’t convince you, read this review. It should do the trick. Made me want to buy the game a second time.

Oh! And also make sure to grab the soundtrack as well. It’s free!

I guess I’m not that smart

I have uploaded a new article for your reading pleasure. Well, actually it’s more about the pictures than the words, so it’s classified under Pseudo-Articles. There’s another one like that coming soon, so stay tuned, I guess. As for now, I’ve got a comic to draw and a BioShock to play, so I’m out.

(Also, incase anyone got the wrong impression, that last post ended in a joke.)

It’s not over yet

Last Friday, it was revealed (sort of) that Princess Peach would be returning for the next Super Smash Bros game. That was kind of obvious, but there is a more interesting topic here!

Just look at the detail on that dress! Sure, it’s nothing compared to some of the visuals you might get on the 360, but it’s still a step up from Peach’s Melee model. A HUGE step up. But I know that the real question on everyone’s minds lies beneath the fancy dress:

Will her panties be remodeled as nicely too?

Nobody can buy your love

Now, I know that in the spirit of choosing a band I like for each Band of the Month feature, I generally end up recommending the band at the end. I guess this time it’s a bit different. I want to invest all my energies into recommending the Pink Spiders right now, before I type anything else. Seriously. Here’s their MySpace page, go there and listen to “Easy Way Out” and tell me you didn’t get up and start air guitaring like the world was going to end. But yeah. Now go out and buy Teenage Graffiti because it’s like the single best album ever… released in 2006. It’s amazing though.

The first time the Spiders and I came in contact was on a regular ol’ day. It was like a week before (the now totally lame) Pandora started denying their service to Canadians. I was just listening to it in the background, and suddenly “Easy Way Out” came on and I practically jumped on the computer desk wailing on my air guitar and singing along even though I had no idea what the words were.

I may be exaggerating a bit, but that’s of little importance.

The thing to note is that right then and there I knew I had to listen to more of The Pink Spiders, and wasn’t I pleasantly surprised to find that they were good for more than one balls-to-the-wall rockout song. Their eponymous first album was easy enough to get my hands on, and I wasn’t going to complain about it, because it’s a pretty slick package. Plenty of great songs, mostly powerpop with some great rock ‘n’ roll influence, and most of them are good driving songs too. Their second album, Teenage Graffiti was a lot harder to secure, and when I did notice it, I was hesitant to pay the asking price because a third of the disc is recycled from the first album. Big mistake. All the retreads are cleaned up and rerecorded, and sound even better than ever. The fresh songs are completely kickass too. Most notable are “Adalae” which I want to describe as vaudevillian, even though I’m not sure if it’s the right word to use, and “Hey Jane” which is right near the top of my list of greatest ballads ever.

But seriously. I cannot see how anyone couldn’t like this band. The songs are just so damn catchy, and practically demand that you sing along. You’ve gotta be pretty closed off to not be able to enjoy what is pure ecstacy condensed into musical form. Again with the exaggerating, but I really want to sell this band, man! If even one presons starts listening to the Pink Spiders because I told them to, then the world will be a better place.