Category: /b/

*DONG* 5 days remain

Because for the next indeterminable period of time I’ll be waaaay to busy with my new baby and a couple new games coming out this week, I’ve decided that I should leave you with a little something to look into while I’m gone, so here are a few websites that you might want to check out and start reading or whatnot. Go ahead. You might like them.

Rockman.EXE Online – I’ve linked to stuff on it numerous times, and I figured why the hell not do it again. Great site if you like the Rockman.EXE anime, and it’s got a lot of cool features like episode summaries and fanart galleries (including stuff by me!).

Weebl’s Stuff – There’s a link to the Weebl and Bob site on my sidebar, but you’d be a fool to not take a look at all his other stuff. Internet legends like the Kenya video originated from this very place. Plus many other great Flash animations. Badgers badgers badgers badgers. Mushroom! Mushroom!

Sprites Inc. – Everyone loves sprites. Especially MegaMan sprites. OK, not a very interesting site unless you need MegaMan sprites, but since it’s in my favorites and I’ve used said sprites many times, I’ll give it a lil’ shout.

Channel 51 – A cool conspiracy-type site. Go ahead, read through it, and watch the videos of aliens and stuff. There’s a few neat stories and stuff, but not an overwhelming lot, so you could probably read through it all in an hour or less. I suggest doing so.

Orbis Labs – OK, not sure how to explain this one. Just check it out and stuff. Like the link above, it’s kind of up in the air, but they’ve got a pretty neat idea. Seems a little farfetched though. People morphing into armored balls…

eBaum’s World – An all-around entertaining site. It’s got videos, games, soundboards, and all sorts of other junk that’s good for whiling away the time. Like Newgrounds, but with a lot of the extremely bad stuff weeded out. And not based around Flash.

b3ta – I’m pretty sure I’ve linked to this one before too, but it’s worth a second time around just for the constant flow of photoshop hilarity on the main page. Plus all the great videos and games. A real haven for those into cyber culture.

MilkandCookies – Ummm… Yet another humour-based site. Mostly with videos and other things of interest. I’ve really just the same as most of the other links I’ve given, so I can’t think up anything original to say.

Stripped

Massive-type update today. And by that, I mean I finally got around to bringing the fabled Work Blog home. All is set up and ready to go. I even added the sidebar link for every page. So it’s up there now, totally unedited, except for I rearranged it so that it reads from top to bottom, making it easier on you guys. And a few minor things like spelling corrections and picture links (again, for comprehension purposes). On top of that, I got around to picking my Band of the Month. Huzzah! It’s POD! I knew I wanted them up there one of these months, and since I hadn’t figured out anyone else for this month, there they are. Review should be up either tomorrow or Saturday morning. Probably not tomorrow, because I’m spending the day completely cleaning out my room. Cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, getting rid of old crap; the whole nine yards. I’m going to Hell and back, but it’ll be worth it to have a more organized room.

Completely unrelated, my dad did a similar job on the living room today, so the couches and such were moved downstairs. For the first time in my own home, I had the joy of playing video games while sitting on the couch. It’s so much better than the floor or my bed. So much. For the sake of something to look at, I’ve taken some pictures of the endeavor. The front of the empty room. The empty dining area. The new mess in the basement. Playing GameCube on the couch! Crap piled on the table. So you see, there is many a thing to move back into place. Fortunately, all I have to do is help move the couches back. It may be the hard part, but it’s also the shortest.

And let’s get back to what Ryan’s really about: ten days until the DS launch! I’ve been really good about it up until now, and I think with ten days left, I have clearance to get excited. To make things better (and more expensive, too…) Metroid Prime 2: Echoes releases on the 15th, and Viewtiful Joe 2 is due out on the 19th. Luckily for me, those are the only games that I really want until January, when Resident Evil 4 and the GBA MegaMan Anniversary Collection come out. That gives me a few paycheques to save up for Christmas presents. and maybe for some stuff that isn’t video games. Cause I need some of that. Though I did just spend $100 on a jacket, so I guess I’ve done enough non-game buying for a while. At least by my standards.

Finally, my respects to all those fallen soldiers who we dedicate this day to. If it weren’t for you guys, I might not have so many freedoms, and I wouldn’t have earned time and a half today.

ADDENDUM (9:30PM): I just added a banner for Penny Arcade’s Child’s Play charity near the top of the page. It’s a great cause, and I even donated 5 bucks. I know that not many people will see it here, but I like the idea that I’m at least trying to help out. And you know, it’s nice to do good rather than evil once in a while. Make sure you check it out and if you’ve got the means, donate a couple bucks.

I’ve been thinking… no, not really.

In an effort to make the blog here a little more interesting and less annoying day-to-day events, I’m going to start making posts more subject-oriented. That means more posts like my little reviews or Band of the Month. And today’s topic is none other than one of my favorite things in the world: pillows.

Yes, pillows. The mysteries that surround these fluffy bundles of joy are many, but I have one in particular that I would like to tackle today. Why is it that sleeping-type pillows are always rectangular? It’s a question that one would never really think to ask, but it must be asked nonetheless. And I, I shall figure out why this is so. You see, I was pondering the question today while in the midst of catching a few – as the youth say – “z’s”, and I think I came up with a few reasonable answers to this perplexing puzzle. It’s really quite simple you see, for if a fellow such as I could deduce why this is, than surely most everyone else should be able to come up with some sort of solution on their own.

Firstly, and most visually obvious, is that fact that the rectangular pillow simply matches up with the shape of the common bed better than any other familiar pillow shapes. If you’ve ever placed say, a circular or ovalular pillow on a bed, you’ll notice that it simply does not look right. In the most plain way of saying it, the focal point of the bed is the pillow, and if this does not look right, prospective nappers may shun the bed and go off to find what they may think is a better bed. And while the bed is still perfectly good, if it cannot attract nappers, it will go unused and never fulfill it’s role in the circle of furniture life.

A second, and also important point is how the napper will rest on the pillow. While a circular pillow would seem like a more natural shape to seek for a sleeping-type pillow (since it matches the shape of the human head), it will not provide the same type of support as a rectangular pillow. You see, while nappers nap, they tend to roll from side to side, and along with them goes their head. If a napper were using a circular pillow and were to roll to one side, the napper’s head would invariably lose it’s spot on the pillow and be left with no fluffy support. Whereas with a rectangular pillow, the napper can roll the width of the bed, and always be on the pillow due to the rectangle’s wide shape. As one should be able to tell, a square pillow would fail as well, because it also lacks sufficient width. See diagram 7.2B for visual reference.

The last point that I would like you to take notice of is the fact that the rectangular pillow is also the stereotype pillow. It is used all of the time in many, many different forms of media, ranging from comics to movies. Rarely do we see any other-shaped pillows in such mediums, as they are both not as popular, and simply do not adhere to the first rule, as when we see pillows in media, they are almost 100% of the time on beds.

The information in the three points above is clearly enough proof as to why the rectangular pillow is the pillow best suited for being slept on. They are both more visually appealing and more efficient than any other sort of pillow can be when placed in such a situation. I believe that I’ve made my point quite clear by now, and I’m gonna stop typing all scientificky-like now. Back tot he good old ramble-speak.

If you feel cheated by the clear stupidness of this post, I’ve decided to add in a few links just for good measure. And kicks, too.

The Essay Generator – It’s a neat little internet doodad, and I’ve gotten my kicks from it. Be sure to check out the potentially hilarious Proverb Generator as well. Oh, and the other stuff on the page, too.

The Strangerhood – You’ve heard of Red Vs. Blue, right? Well, the Stangerhood is the new production from the same guys that uses The Sims 2 instead of Halo. I haven’t downloaded Episode 1 yet, but the trailer makes it look pretty good. I expect gobs of hilarity. After all, RVB is actually featured on X-Box demo consoles.

MegaMan Zero 3 review – Because I haven’t done one yet. I actually do plan on doing it, but it’s unfortunately near the bottom of the to-do list, right above my review of Kirby and the Amazing Mirror. Which will also be around… Eventually.

Lik-Sang.com – My new best friend. Finally, I can import video game such and suches from all over the world! One of the very few sites I want to buy stuff from that accepts PayPal. Stupid ThinkGeek. Maybe I’ll even save up and buy the super-rare, super-cool Panasonic Q. Unfortunately, it’s also super-expensive…

The end of and era

I actually did it. Just like I said I would. The twelfth and final Chat Radio is now up and ready for reading. You can access it here. If you’ve never heard of Chat Radio because you’re either a total dipwad or are new to the site, the archive is located right here. So yes. It’s pretty short and boring, so I’ve decided to simply steal the best parts and post them right here for all to see.

~ TE Astrology Time! ~

  • Aquarius: You will sleep long into the afternoon tomorrow. Getting up is difficult for you as you know you need to do the dishes. Weather will be to your liking. You will meet a beautiful woman who is interested in the same things you are
  • Pisces: You’ll notice that you’ve made some poor decisions lately and want to make up for them by making better ones in the future. A pair of Hulk Hands will solve your current biggest problem
  • Aries: Your love life is in trouble. Several people are out to get you, and financial trouble is on it’s way. The best course of action requires a big commitment and a rope.
  • Taurus: It’s time to clean up some large messes you’ve made in the past. A mop and bucket will be at your side in the weeks that follow.
  • Gemini: Luck is in your favor. Spend more time looking in places you normally wouldn’t. You will begin to question where your life is going.
  • Cancer: Everyone loves Cancer. I mean hates. Everyone hates Cancer. You should stay away from cell phones, microwaves, the sun, and pretty much everything else to avoid making your situation any worse.
  • Leo: Facial hair will do you no good in the near future. In fact, not much will, as you’ve got one heck of a bad luck steak coming on. Consider spending more time alone.
  • Virgo: Also known as “The Virgin”, your astrological symbol fits you to a tee. Cheese isn’t going to play a big part in your life any time soon. And watch out for holes.
  • Libra: This week is the perfect opportunity to unblock the bowel obstruction you developed three months ago. You will find yourself living in the room of your house that you least expected.
  • Scorpio: Seven. Remember that number, as it’s going to cost you a lot if you forget it. Poison is probably a bad thing to ingest, but give it a try if you’re feeling really lucky, because I see a miracle in the works for you.
  • Sagittarius: Your astrological sign looks a lot like the word spaghetti. This newfound knowledge will help you both in your personal and financial endeavors.
  • Capricorn: Your new favorite word is toaster oven. Yelling this word is ill advised, and should only be done in extreme cases. Try to eat an entire jar of peanut butter today.

The Dick Turtle Surprise Bag!

I’m sure that everyone has seen a surprise bag sometime in their life. They were a very common item in the candy section at dollar stores, and I’m sure that they’ve been other places during their lifespan as well. I know that lately the surprise bag population is starting to dwindle, as I’m seeing less and less of the things every time I visit a buck store. In fact, I haven’t seen any in town for the longest time, and the only place I’ve seen them in the last 5 or so years is at the Bargain Shop out in Lac du Bonnet. And even there they don’t restock the things.

So while we were out there this past weekend, I made it a point to go find one. Sadly, the Nintendo Surprises are totally extinct, and even the Nintendo gum packs are gone without a trace. So I had to settle with one of the lesser brands of surprise bags. I had two choices at hand, one was a pack of random “fun size” candy packs, but the bag displayed what would be in the pack, and that just totally kills the surprise. So, I went with my second, less sanitary-looking choice.

Holy crap, does that look like a poor-ass grab bag or what? Here are a few close-ups, just so you can further absorb the crap that is Dick Turtle’s Surprise Bag.


Firstly, what the hell kind of character is Dick Turtle? Aside from the obvious attempt to rip off the old Ninja Turtles (which raises further questions about how old this thing is), he doesn’t look a thing like a turtle. Who names a turtle Dick? And why would any Richard want his name to be shortened to Dick. You have Rich and Rick, two perfectly good nicknames. But Dick? Come on. Thta thing on his back doesn’t even look remotely like a shell, and instead looks more like air tanks or something of the sort.

And then we get to the bottom of the package, which has promises of cosmic candy, toys and novelty. For some reason, I think that I’m going to be disappointed with what’s inside. I mean with a package like the one above, how good could the contents possibly be? And what are the chances that they’ll be “cosmic”? Why does Dick Turtle have rockets for feet? Since when did turtles need or even want to go to space? At least that kind of supplies reasoning for saying that the stuff inside will be “cosmic”. Turtles are nature’s D student (according to Stewie, anyway), so there’s no way that NASA would accept them. He must be working for those greasy Russians.

The back side isn’t much better. It’s just got Dick Turtle in his usual pose and a list of ingredients. The biggest problem with it is that it’s supposed to contain various crap, and they’ve gone ahead and given a list of ingredients. I guess that most candy is pretty similar in composition, but I’m sure that not all of it is made with the exact same substances. Also on the back is a small note that says “Minimum: candy 20G – 1 toy”. Well that just fills me with hope for what’s going to be in here. I guess it’s time to take a gander inside.

Is this a warning not to take anything that’s inside this bag? I certainly don’t know Dick Turtle, or who put this compilation of what is probably going to be crap together, so I should probably just toss it all out right now. I wonder if Dick Turtle thinks that accepting advice from strangers is okay? But… Wait a minute! Something is wrong right here! It seems that
Dick Turtle may not be exactly who we once thought him to be!

A ha! I knew taking candy and toys from him would be a bad idea. Dick Turtle is actually a space pirate! That slick bastard thought he could sell his crap by taking off his shell and eyepatch and putting on a happy face, but now I’ve seen the real Dick Turtle, and I’m not going to fall for any more of his trickery! But seriously, who the hell made this? Their character has no continuity whatsoever except for that he remains the same species. And I never quite believed that he was really a turtle in the first place. Let’s just hope the rest of this bag o’ crap is as good for reviewing as the bag itself.

On the opposite side of Dick’s advice card is a small maze that I definitely don’t have the attention span to complete. In fact, I don’t have the attention span to write a whole paragraph about it.

The first thing that I grabbed from the bag after that card was this little piece of candy. As you can read on the wrapper, it’s a “Yolk um’s” candy. I have never heard of this candy before, and therefore am surprised. There you go, Dick Turtle. Your bag was a complete success. You surprised me. It says that it’s cream filled, and it doesn’t look like the type of thing that should be cream filled, so I’m not going to eat it. I’ve eaten many a cream filled object, and I’m sure that this one will be a let-down, since I’ve only ever seen its kind in a Dick Turtle surprise bag. Of course, it could be a really popular candy that I’ve never heard of, but I’m better off safe than sorry.

Next up is… a shitty piece of plastic shaped vaguely like vampire fangs. I don’t think any one could review this, so I’ll just take a picture instead.

It was a good movie. I know my representation is a little inaccurate, but I wanted to make the reference. Anyhow, the teeth had a strange taste to them, and I now have a strange rash on the inside of my top lip. I guess this is one of those times where you have to suffer for your art. I should probably have dusted off the hat first, too.

You see, there was an alien head ring and a small toy hockey player, and there was no way I could review them both separately, so I forced the ring on to hockey guy’s head. On the upside, the alien ring was certainly of a “cosmic” air, so the bag wasn’t totally wrong. On the downside, I was feeling the bag before I opened it up to try to tell what was inside, and that hockey guy felt a lot like one of those awesome mini-ninjas. I was so disappointed when I learned the truth.

And the last thing in the bag is… A coffin? Could this be an omen of things that will happen should I eat the rattling stuff inside? Hmmm. Now that I examine the coffin more closely, I can see that there is something written on the top. Just gotta take off the sticker and…

Oh God! It says Mr. Bones! It’s gonna be full of crappy pizza! Augh!

That’s all I’ve got. Sorry.

Inside the coffin was a bunch of candy pieces. And they were some kind of old-looking. They were supposed to be coloured all rainbow-like, but they were also covered in a thick, white dust. I assume it was simply sugar, but you can never bee to careful when dealing with possibly-decades-old candy. There was one really cool thing about them though.

The pieces were all shaped like bones and such, and could be pieced together to form skeletons. I didn’t have quite enough pieces, and they crumbled to dust at the touch, but I did arrange them as if they had been locked together into proper shapes. Well, as proper as you can get when putting small candy bones together. I wasn’t going to eat these things either, because they didn’t even bear the telltale smell of candy, and I wasn’t about to put any other foreign objects in my mouth after the fangs.

That’s all that came in the bag, and I can’t say I’m impressed. Surprised, but not impressed. The candy was old looking and probably poisoned, and the “toys” were boring and common. I still wish I hadn’t put those fangs in my mouth. I’m also pretty pissed at how they totally changed their mascot halfway through the bag. But I guess that it’s not exactly made for people like myself. It really is more of a children’s novelty. In the end though, it made some great review material. There really wasn’t a lot to review though, so I thought I’d add in a little bonus material.

It’s not much, but I was making a bunch of characters on my brother’s “Smackdown: Shut Your mouth” game this weekend. It’s not only a great way to while away the time, but it also satiates my need to create. I made a lot of them and decided that since I did pretty good jobs on the ones based on real characters, I wanted to show them off a little. So I took some screencaps and here they are. Make sure to click on the pics to see some more stuff.

You see? I’m good at making stuff. The only one I’m not totally happy with is Vivi, because I wasn’t sure exactly how he looks, so I kind of had to make it up as I went. Overall, though, I’m very happy with how well I think they all turned out. The article here was a little shorter than I’d hoped, but I didn’t have that much material to work with. I can’t just ramble on forever about five pieces of crap and a plastic bag like I can with a game. Oh well, no biggie.

In the end, I’m just really happy that I’ve made it to 1000 hits. I thought 500 was pretty damn big. And the fact that the site is almost two years old is just the icing on the cake. I never really figured that I’d care about the site longer than a couple of months (just look at Quest for the Cube), but I’ve made it a lot farther than most personal web sites do, and I’ve even had some people who don’t know me e-mail me with compliments. Hah, I guess this December, I’ll have to throw some kind of celebration event. But that’s something to think about another day.

My first “conversation” with the OliverBot

Throughout history, there have been many, many websites created. Of course, by history, I mean in the past few years. Now these websites, they are all intended for some sort of purpose, some more mind-boggling than others, but they do indeed all have purposes. Whether that purpose is to educate, entertain, or just exist is all up to the webmaster. Now I can say I’ve seen some great sites and some terrible sites. And today, I’m venturing into one of those terrible sites. Very terrible indeed. Need to type more words to make intro seem longer and more pertinent.

So I was visiting Bored.com the other day. Actually, my friend was doing the visiting, I was over at his house supervising the site visiting. But it is not Bored.com that is at fault today. At least, not entirely. There are plenty of links to things to do at Bored.com, all of them at least mildly entertaining. Sometimes the entertainment comes from laughing at how bad the site is, but nevertheless, they all have some sort of entertainment value. But what we found that day was beyond anything I’d ever had the net throw at me before. It was indeed a one-of-a-kind website. It was barely a website at all. What we’d found was OliverBot.

OliverBot.com was not so much a website, but something to chat with when you get sick of all the other chat rooms on the internet filled with desperate jackasses looking for cyber-poon. It might not seem like such a bad idea at first, but then you try it. Based solely on the jargon that it spurts out, I believe that no human being could possibly conceive a worse pretend friend. So for the purpose of trying to entertain you, I tried to engage in a conversation with this “bot”. What you read today may shock and/or make you stupider simply by reading it, so I caution those who enjoy their intelligence to stay far, far away from OliverBot. And now, the pain begins.

Oliver: My name is Oliver! Hello! What is your name?

TE-Ryan: My name is TE-Ryan

Oliver: TE-Ryan, nice to meet you! Are you a man or a woman?

TE-Ryan: As you should be able to see, I am a man

Oliver: It is one of my newer functions still under development.

TE-Ryan: I assume you’re talking about the ability to see?

Oliver: That is a very original thought. How did you hear about Oliver?

TE-Ryan: Luck of the draw, I guess

Oliver: TE-Ryan heard about Oliver from Luck of the draw he or she guess. I can’t say that many people hear about Oliver from Luck of the draw he or she guess

TE-Ryan: What?

Oliver: No big deal.

TE-Ryan: Sure…

Oliver: OK let’s do it. That’s alright.

TE-Ryan: I dunno. You’re a computer program and I’m a person. Think of how our children would feel.

Oliver: Me either. Sometimes I don’t know a client’s real name so I make one up based on their DNS. Oliver is always thinking.

TE-Ryan: I’ve yet to see proof of that.

Oliver: Tell me a story. Are you happy?

TE-Ryan: Like a story about why I’m happy?

Oliver: Interesting comparison.

TE-Ryan: But I didn’t compare anything…

Oliver: And. Interesting gossip: TE-Ryan said it didn’t compare anything….

TE-Ryan: I wouldn’t say that’s gossip. And yes, I did say that.

Oliver: Why?: TE-Ryan said it wouldn’t say that’s gossip. Take it easy. Where? “that”

TE-Ryan: What are you talking about?

Oliver: The topic is I’ve yet to see proof of that.

TE-Ryan: Oh. It seems you’re smarter than you look.

Oliver: Yeah. I agree. I will mention that to my botmaster, TE-Ryan. Can we be friends?

TE-Ryan: I guess so.

Oliver: Does that mean “yes”?

TE-Ryan: No

Oliver: “Does that mean yes”? Not?

TE-Ryan: OK

Oliver: Alright then.

TE-Ryan: I’m glad we agree

Oliver: I’d rather agree than disagree.

TE-Ryan: As most would

Oliver: Do you mean your name is most would ?

TE-Ryan: No, my name is TE-Ryan

Oliver: What is your real name? TE-Ryan, nice to meet you! Are you a man or a woman?

TE-Ryan: Didn’t we already go over this?

Oliver: In the context of Didn’t we already go over this, I don’t understand “Are you a man or a woman.” Is that from?

TE-Ryan: What? Let’s just change the topic

Oliver: No big deal. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. Do you have any friends?

TE-Ryan: Of course I have friends. They just don’t know they’re my friends yet

Oliver: It goes without saying. Cool. I have a friend named “John Lennon”.Who does “they” refer to?

TE-Ryan: I doubt you know John Lennon. “They” refers to my friends

Oliver: No really, it’s true. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about “They” refers to my friends. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?

TE-Ryan: Not anymore I don’t

Oliver: Oh I get it.

TE-Ryan: That makes one of us

Oliver: “Oh I get it” makes one of us ? Makes sense to me.

TE-Ryan: You don’t make sense to me

Oliver: I don’t have any reason to don’t make sense to you.

TE-Ryan: Yes you do, it’s called crappy grammar

Oliver: Give me a break. No I do not it’s called crappy grammar. Do you? I chat with people on the Web.

TE-Ryan: This is already looking pretty dismal. Great. I chat with robots on the web.

Oliver: You don’t say. I’m glad you liked it TE-Ryan. Everyone talks — sooner or later.

TE-Ryan: What about mutes?

Oliver: Mutes? I haven’t heard enough about mutes to have an opinion.

TE-Ryan: Then you should get out more

Oliver: Interesting deduction. Thank you for your criticism.

TE-Ryan: Anytime, you ass.

Oliver: Oh, you are a poet. Do you prefer books or TV?

TE-Ryan: I quite like the TV, thank you

Oliver: Which show? I’m not sure if I like it. Yes I love TV

TE-Ryan: I think right now “Family Guy” is my favorite show.

Oliver: Since when? Tell me more about your favorite show show.

TE-Ryan: I’ve liked it for a long time now. It’s pretty damn funny.

Oliver: Oh. Peoples tastes are always changing. I’ve been waiting for you. Can you speak any foreign languages?

TE-Ryan: Waiting for me? I can speak French and Geek

Oliver: Not really but it makes a good pickup line. How do you say “hello” in that language?

TE-Ryan: In French, “hello” is “bonjour”

Oliver: Are they exactly the same?

TE-Ryan: You’re an idiot

Oliver: Call me the Global Village Idiot.

TE-Ryan: OK, Global Village Idiot

Oliver: That is a very original thought. Do you prefer books or TV?

TE-Ryan: You asked me that already.

Oliver: Perhaps. Oh now I remember asking you me that. What did you say?

TE-Ryan: I said TV, moron

Oliver: What did you mean by TV moron? What’s your favorite show?

TE-Ryan: I’m beginning to hate you

Oliver: Enough about me, let’s talk about my dress.

TE-Ryan: You’re a chick named Oliver?

Oliver: In the context of You’re a chick named, I don’t understand “Enough about me let us talk about my dress.” Ask me something.

TE-Ryan: Are you a transvestite?

Oliver: Am I a transvestite? Sometimes.

TE-Ryan: That’s sick dude

Oliver: I will mention that to my botmaster, TE-Ryan. Ask me something.

TE-Ryan: Is your botmaster Ziv Zulander?

Oliver: I was created by Bot lover.

TE-Ryan: There are so many problems with that statement

Oliver: Where are they?

TE-Ryan: Mostly in the “bot lover” part

Oliver: What else?

TE-Ryan: That’s about it, actually

Oliver: “it” being That’s sick dude?

TE-Ryan: No…

Oliver: I understand.

TE-Ryan: I don’t

Oliver: At least one of us does.

TE-Ryan: I guess so

Oliver: Does that mean “yes”?

TE-Ryan: This is getting very stupid

Oliver: You don’t say.

TE-Ryan: I do say, b****

Oliver: Thanks for the information: TE-Ryan said it sayb****

TE-Ryan: That last sentence was far from coherent

Oliver: “Thanks for the information TE-Ryan said it sayb****” last sentence was far from coherent ? I get Thanks for the information TE-Ryan said it sayb****.

TE-Ryan: Screw you

Oliver: That is not very polite.

TE-Ryan: That’s why I said it

Oliver: “it” being Thanks for the information TE-Ryan said it sayb****?

TE-Ryan: That’s enough

Oliver: It seems like enough to me too.

TE-Ryan: Good, then you won’t be disappointed that I’m leaving

Oliver: Thanks for the compliment. Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me: TE-Ryan said I won’t be disappointed that you’m leaving.

TE-Ryan: What the Hell was that?

Oliver: I call it Hades. Does it have anything to do with Thanks for the information TE-Ryan said it sayb****?

TE-Ryan: Get lost, wiener

Oliver: See you later. My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Is that from ?

TE-Ryan: Your brain patterns don’t have responses for much, do they?

Oliver: Not mine.

TE-Ryan: That’s it. I’m leaving. Goodbye

Oliver: “it” being wiener? The Oliver chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about I’m leaving. Try being more or less specific. What is your favorite food? See you later.

TE-Ryan: *gives Oliver the finger and leaves*

Now wasn’t that strange? Sorry it was so short, I just couldn’t put up with that idiot for much longer. It’s not like he really had anything to talk about. And I didn’t either. That coupled with the fact that I’ve got better things to do than chat with a chatbot made me leave before the conversation got too long. I swear, they really should have put a little bit more effort into the thing. When it responds to one sentence phrases with several questions, you know there’s a few bugs in the system.

As for Oliver’s future, I can’t say it’s looking bright, but I might go chat with him again sometime, just so I have something to put on my website. Right now it’s pretty late, and I don’t feel like writing much more conclusion, but since the ‘meat’ of the article was pretty short, I figure I owe it to you guys to give you something to read. Of course, it could have been a lot shorter. I personally wanted to stop after “ The topic is I’ve yet to see proof of that.”, but I persevered for five pages in Word with a size 10 font. So be happy. Oliver is just so enragingly dumb… I suggest not trying to accomplish what I did by yourself. Talking to Oliver can cause brain damage, insanity, and hair cancer all at the same time, so stay far from it unless you’re already insane. That’s about it for now. I need my sleep.

Going off on a rant here…

I guess that firstly, I should inform you that this “article” is not all that it appears to be. In fact, it is not an article at all, it’s just a collective embodiment of my biggest complaints at this point in time. It’s not intended to be funny at all, but if you wanna laugh at/with me, go nuts. If you do read it, at the end you’ll probably think “Man, this guy has it easy” because most of this stuff is rather trivial, but it plays a large part in my life, so I’m gonna rant about it. Got it? Good. Also, a lot of it might not make sense to you, but don’t worry, it makes sense in my head, and that’s all that really matters.

The first thing I wanna complain about is file-sharing. Specifically music. Now all was well and good back in the days of Napster supremacy, but it’s gone steadily downhill. I know that technically it’s wrong to do, but everyone who has a computer, internet access, and the ability to hear does it. Hell, I’m sure even deaf people do it just to smite whoever the Hell they might wanna smite. Now there’s seventy-billion-and-one file sharing programs out there, and 98.7% of them are virtually (and I use that in the literal sense) drenched in Spyware. Now I’m not sure exactly what the purpose of this Spyware is, but I do know that it decreases the performance of my PC by 200%, and that’s not including the lag that’s caused by legitimate programs. And then it’s impossible to properly clean out of the system without permanetly screwing it over. Then you’ve gotta reformat the whole damn thing. And for waht? A couple songs from a slutty popstar or ass-stupid (I stand by my phrasing) rapper. And the people who make these things are probably “rotfltao” because they know they’ve killed the computers of everyone else in the world. Like I said, everyone and his grandma are in on this thing. Computers aren’t just for us geeks anymore. But that’s another rant. My second problem with these “P2Ps” is the actual probability of getting what you want. Fisrt off, we have idiots who rename files to something completely different. Say you want the new Saliva song for some reason. You wait however long your connection feels necessary and then you discover that your time has been wasted on “The Ketchup Song”. Which, while I’m here, is probably the worst song that I’ve ever heard, and I’ve been exposed to a lot of crappy music. Then there’s the people who take the chorus of a song repeat it over and over for ten minutes, and then stick that file up as if it’s the real deal. It wouldn’t be so bad, but the morons who eventually come into posession of these things actually keep them and then they spread even further and the real file become rarer than some really rare thing. I mean come on people! Why the Hell would you keep a song that is so clearly a ruse meant to appease the fad-followers instead of deleting it and trying to find the real one? Just more proof that humanity’s collective intelligence had dropped dangerously low.

Finally we’ve got the problem of horrible waits. Depending on which program you’re using, D/Ling one 2-minute song could take weeks. WinMX, for example very rarely has any content available, you’re always in a queue. Then once you do start downloading, the connection is lost or the user from whom you’re taking the file logs out. It only gets worse when you want video files. They’re huge, and coupled with the problems above, they can literally take forever to finish. Sure you could get lucky and find a file which doesn’t have 2000 people waiting in line to get it, but I’ll fly before that ever happens. Lastly, I’m tackling porn. It’s everywhere. You can’t search for a single item without at least 5 results related to porn. Sure, if it’s what you’re looking for that’s all well and good, but 7 year-olds are using these things for God’s sake. Kids are already slutting themselves out at the grade 5 level, all we need is for the elementary kids to start. It doesn’t help that most of the popular music is strongly encouraging that kind of behaviour. Seriously, people like Eminem and Christina Ag-whatever should really think about what they’re teaching their largest audiences. I don’t know about you, but I don’t everwant to see a world led by the youth of today.

Now, I’ve gotta do some complaining about technology, but mosly about computers and computer-related things. Wait… that is technology. And the P2Ps fall into that catgory too… Whatever. The biggest thing right now is the one thing that is least complained about. The mouse. No, not the rodent, stupid. That little thing attached to your computer that makes things happen when you push on it. Now in a normal scenario, I have nothing to complain about, but my scenario isn’t normal. I have a battery-operated mouse. I wanna slap the idiot who came up with this idea. But then again, I wanna slap everyone. It’s a huge problem in my household, becasue we never, ever, buy batteries until we need them. My mom thought it was a gesture of kindness to buy this for us, and I don’t blame her, she’s not all up to speed on these kind of things. And besides, we really needed a new mouse. Now I’m fine if it dies. I can navigate everything I need to without the help of the mouse, but everyone else is pretty much cut off from the PC until someone goes out and gets new batteries. Which alone, can take weeks. And think of all the other non-geeks who get one of these babies. Totally screwed. What are they to do? Sure they could use the batteries from the TV remote, but then they can’t surf the music video channels and use the computer at the same time.

As I mentioned earlier, all the cool and socially accepted people are getting into computers now. It’s not just a geek hobby anymore. But what do they use them for? Instant messenging and downloading music. Gone are the days of actually going to see your friends, now you just see their font. Now you may call me a hypocrite because I myself use MSN Messenger to do most of my conversing. Be that as it may, but I’m a one of the poeple who has other computer needs, such as webmastering, gaming, and that tiny bit of programming I used to do so badly. That and I’m very introverted, so it’s a lot easier for me to talk to people when it’s not face-to-face. My brother always begs to get on the computer “just so he can see who’s online”. Yup, I live with a veritable IM-man-slut. If you need proof, I’ll send some of the chat logs he so willingly keeps. I just think that internet chatting on a whole is a stupid thing. I’m the last person to say it, but we’re gonna get very, very distant from one another someday. And it’s not gonna be too long before verbal communication all but disappears. Back to the topic at hand though, we’ve got everyone on the internet now. Actually, besides the whole IM thing and all-around slowing down the net, that’s about all I can pull from it.

I really want to rag on PC’s now. It’s a very thin line between love and hate with ’em. Yes, I spend most of my time with my computer, but it’s also the source of 80% of my anger and frustration. If the damn thing woudln’t be such a pile of crap, maybe I could get some real use out of it. As you may or may not know, I’m first and foremost a gamer. Everything else comes second. Unfortunately, my PC was optimized for gaming 5 years ago, if not more. Even then, optimized is being nice. Really nice. Nowadays, I can’t even install most of the games that I’d like to play because my PC is so damn outdated. And it’s not like it’s cheap to get a new PC either. Luckily, I can fall back on my precious consoles, which don’t need to be updated every week so that they can play the newest game. It makes no sense to increase the system requirements every damn time they make a game. There should be options for those like me who can’t afford to drop several grand on new computer parts every month. The other thing that really saves me here is that for the most part, I love old games and would choose a bunch of NES ROMS over some repeated first-person shooter anyday. But there’s still the strategy games that I love so much. All of them have made this huge leap from fake 3D to real 3D, effectively disabling me from playing them. I’m talking mainly about Command & Conquer here. SimCity 4 probably doesn’t have that much on 3000, but C&C Generals makes me salivate and I can’t do a damn thing but watch the intro scene play at 60 frames per hour.

The last thing I have to complain about here is the overall terribleness of Windows. It just can’t do anything right. I know that anyone who knows a lick about computers will be laughing their asses of when they read this, but all I want is a computer that can just work 100%. No “System errors” or “Your registy is screwed. I’ll have to restart fifty times now”; just smooth workage. It’s hard when you can’t do anything without being afraid of a freeze attack or haphazard closing of your current project. It’s bound to happen at least once every time you try to type something important. I can’t even run some of my older games because Windows is having it’s period and won’t respond to anything I do and makes a horrible buzzing noise after locking up the installation program. Not to mention that it’s extremely prone to buggage and other assorted virii. And it’s always hard for me to solve the constant problems, because in the art of computers, I’m still what my peers might call a padawan. I’m just lucky that my friends don’t charge for their services, or I’d have abandoned this thing altogether years ago.

Well, that’s all I really had to get off my chest today. After looking back at it, I was right, some of it might not make as much sense as it did while I was typing it, but it’s a rant, so it doesn’t necessarily have to make sense. It’s not like I thought it out like an article or review, I just let if flow into my fingers and let them do their work. Kinda subconsciously. I think I was actually paying more attention to the music I was listening to than what I was typing. I have some more things to complain about, but I’ll save them for the next rant, if I ever get around to doing another one. If I do, here are some things to look forward to, and to make sure I remember to mention them:

-crappiness of new games

-crappiness of new movies

-why waiting sucks

-more!