Here’s Something New

I don’t think that, in the nearly 18 years that I’ve been operating a website, I’ve ever once written about clothing or fashion. At least not in any capacity that relates to me and my fashion sense (or lack thereof). So this is… this is different.

2020 has been a bit of a tire fire, but if there’s one positive thing that I get to take away this year, it’s that 2020 is the year that I discovered skinny jeans.

Now, that’s not to say that I didn’t understand the concept of skinny jeans prior to 2020. It’s more that I didn’t think that they had any place in my life. I’ve spent most of my time on this planet being somewhat overweight, and I’ve always found more fitted shirts to be uncomfortable. Not because of the inherent tightness, but rather because the feeling of the shirt wrapping round my big, round gut makes me feel self-conscious. So when the skinny jeans revolution came around in the, what, early 2010s, I largely ignored them. I assumed that they would make me feel equally bad about my big, round butt and thunder thighs.

But earlier this year, I was invited to a party where the attendees were assigned characters (I’ll leave the context to your imagination), and since we didn’t quite end up with the right male-to-female ratio, I was asked if I would be comfortable being one of the female characters. Of course I didn’t have to be asked twice. An excuse to don a wig and makeup? To wear sock boobs for a whole evening? How could a queen like me refuse!?

I wasn’t about to go spend a great sum of money on this costume, so I figured that a pink button-up shirt from my closet would suffice. But when it came down to pants, all I have are men’s dress pants and baggy old jeans. Nothing quite befitting a lady. So I drove down to the Wal-Mart and started looking at jeans. Now, as is common knowledge, all women’s pants are legally obligated to be skin-tight, so I concluded that only skinny jeans would do for my costume. To be sure that this wasn’t a huge mistake, I grabbed a pair in my size (shocked that there was a pair in my size) and headed to the changing room.

Putting those jeans on changed my life. Skinny jeans, or at least the ones I grabbed that day, are the most comfortable pants that I’ve ever worn in my life. Barring pajama pants, of course. The tightness actually feels really great around the leg areas, and doesn’t make me feel at all self-conscious about the fat booty situation. In fact, I found myself so happy with these new jeans that I went back and bought a second pair not long afterward.

Of course, the downside of wearing such tight pants is that I’m in a near-constant state of terror, fearing that the slightest wrong move will rend them in twain. Experience has taught me that they’re stretchy enough that I don’t really need to be so concerned about it, but me being the chronic worrier that I am… I just can’t help it!

So that’s my jeans story. I only hope that it has enriched your life as much as it has mine.


Leave a Reply