Category: /b/

Label graffiti

Sometimes I do irresponsible things.

My time working at Toys R Us was full of them, some more innocuous than others.

For example, at one point during my last few days as an employee there, I took a packet of large labels and wrote on them, one letter per label “BENDER LIVES LARGE AND KICKS BUTT”.

I took those labels, and stuck them on the inside of the freight elevator shaft, just above the door. Since people aren’t supposed to ride the freight elevator, in theory nobody should have ever seen it. But I thought it would be a fun surprise for any irresponsible young lads who might do so anyways.

It’s really too bad I didn’t have an iPhone yet at that point. I would have loved to have photographic evidence of my giant waste of time and also labels.

Anyway, that’s my story. I hope you enjoyed it.

Canned Answers

The response to my Pop-Tarts inquiry was pretty much exactly what I was expecting.

Thank you for contacting us on-line. We appreciate your interest in our company.

We at Kellogg Canada and our related companies, continually conduct market research to develop new and existing products. Based on the market research results in each country, a decision is made on which product will be enjoyed by the majority of our consumers. Your feedback is appreciated and will be considered when planning future product line improvements.

Also due to international regulations, Canadian Customs policies and our inability to guarantee our quality standards during shipping, we do not ship products directly internationally.

I hope you continue to enjoy our Pop Tarts for years to come no matter where they are coming from.

The usual PR run-around with a sprinkle of marketing nonsense. Whatever. I don’t suspect anyone outside of Kellogg’s marketing team will ever know the real reason why we can’t have Cinnamon Roll Pop-Tarts in Canada. It won’t make any difference, really, but I’d like to see the numbers for myself.

I think the solution here is to make up a million sock puppet e-mail accounts and bombard Kellogg Canada until they decide that there is enough demand in Canada to sell Cinnamon Roll Pop-Tarts here. I must have them!

On the other hand, they did answer the question of why I can’t have fancy American Pop-Tarts shipped directly to me. And I didn’t even ask that question!

So thanks, Kellogg Customer Affairs Lady Who Shall Remain Unnamed.

On The Track of Unknown Pop-Tarts

I sent an e-mail to Kellogg Canada today asking why there are so many more flavours of Pop-Tarts in the United States than there are in Canada.

We shall see what comes of this.

(I probably should have just used Twitter, but I’m old-fashioned.)

(Please enjoy the intended irony of me suggesting that e-mail is the old-fashioned way of contacting a giant corporation. I wrote this post specifically for that joke.)

A post about nothing

Gee, I sure did post a lot in June. Haven’t posted that many things in a month since… October of last year, if that dropdown box is to be believed.

The best part is, that they were (almost) all actual posts. All but one had something at least semi-worthwhile to say or show.

Not like this one. This one was a waste of time.

A waste of your time. I had nothing better to do.

Impending Fame

Do you remember how I mentioned a few months ago that I was listening to the No More Whoppers podcast? Well, I started from the very beginning, and I’m very proud to announce that I’ve finally made it to the episode wherein my name is mentioned during Fanf.

So please go ahead and listen to Episode 110 – Gilded as Charged so that you can hear my name mentioned on a podcast for the first time ever! Probably also for the last time.

Grasping at straws

I’m not going to lie, I feel like the Fourteen Stupid Ryan “Facts” post that I ran a couple weeks ago is probably the best and most creative thing that I’ve written in years. And it’s barely even a complete idea.

It’s a clever (funny?) thing on its own; that it was preceded by a list of actual facts really made it shine. And now I have this sinking feeling that I’ll never be able to write anything anywhere near as inspired. I don’t even know where the inspiration for it came from. For once in my life, ideas just rolled out of my head, as opposed to how I usually just take something I like that someone else did and twist it into something I can claim as my own.

Even if they weren’t actually a “smart” or “good” or “funny” pair of posts, the fact remains that it was far more fun to write them than anything else that I’ve written in quite some time.

Anyway, I guess the point is that now I’m depressed that I’m an idiot who can only have an original idea by accident.

Fourteen Stupid Ryan “Facts”

Ryan is a well-known stained glass craftsman.

Ryan has read the dictionary from cover to cover.

Ryan owns a pet coconut crab.

Ryan sells maps to the stars’ homes.

Ryan makes the world’s most delicious chocolate crepes.

Ryan is perfectly comfortable interacting with other people.

Ryan once ate seventeen whole pizzas in a single sitting.

Ryan helped to develop an effective anti-aging serum.

Ryan tames lions on the weekends.

Ryan is a visitor from beyond the stars.

Ryan is not in love with Anna Kendrick.

Ryan walks like an Egyptian.

Ryan gave up his rights to the Crown to pursue a career as a mime.

Ryan is simply a persona, TE is actually written by Jack McBrayer.