September is my favourite month of the year. Obviously, it has something to do with the fact that it is home to the anniversary of my existence in the world, but also I just really like this time of year.
Summer is winding down, so the weather is often more cool and tolerable. That lovely autumn air starts to seep in more and more consistently. Back To School is out and Halloween is in. Pumpkin Spice is everywhere. It’s all so beautiful and perfect.
It has also become so bittersweet for me. I have some particularly treasured memories from September of 2012 that make me feel so warm and fuzzy when they come on, but then quickly bring about a sense of sorrow. At that point, I was really just settling into the idea of truly building my own life. Married, living in my very own home, and working toward a real career. That was the absolute happiest point in my life.
It wasn’t long after that, that everything went out of control and started to crash down around me. But, I still like to look back on those days, and remember how good they were.
Even in the face of the self-doubt and hopelessness that I feel nearly every day, I think that someday I can be that happy again. And that maybe next time, it will last.
It’s my birthday. I’ll be wistful if I want to.