Dark Souls: Dr. Fangs and the Electric Mayhem

Previously on Dark Souls: Morgan ran the heck away from a vomity undead dragon, and stumbled onto a shortcut back to Firelink Shrine.

After resting a while in Firelink Shrine, I took the elevator back up to the Undead Parish. Not sntirely sure where to start looking, I walked out onto the nearby terrace and killed the zombies that were hanging out there. It was then that I noticed that off, across the forest was a huge fortress. That seemed like the knid of place that I should be checking out.

I stopped by Andre’s place to upgrade and repair my equipment, and then rested at the bonfire just above his hangout. From that bonfire, I could see out across a pathway to the entrance of Sen’s Fortress. I crossed the breidge hurriedly, but my excitement at exploring a new area was cut short by a couple of giant snake-headed sentries that came out of the shadows and hacked me to bits. You Died.

Running back across the bridge, knowing what was in store for me, I approaced the fortress entrance much more slowly. One of the snake-men approached me, and I inched forward to engage him in battle. Then he inexplicably fell dead. I wasn’t sure what happened, but I’m not too proud to take a freebie. I took on the second snake-man, who turned out to be just as proficient in fair combat as he was at surprise attacks. You Died.

A third attempt at Sen’s wasn’t any more fruitful. Though I did discover why that one snake-man spontaneously died: it turns out that there’s a pressure panel right in the entranceway of the fortress. Stepping on this panel will cause a trio of darts to shoot out of the wall at the hapless idiot who steps on that panel. Unfortunately, there was no snake-man between me and the darts this time. You Died.

Snake-men are pretty tough if you fight two of them at once. You Died.

Not even kidding. You Died.

This is getting a little pathetic. You Died.

Eventually, I was able to overcome the snake-men and proceed a little further into Sen’s Fortress. Which really is much worse than that first room. The next room is basically a giant pit with a narrow walkway stretched across the middle. Above the walkway are at least half a dozen swinging bladed pendulums. Halfway across is another snake-man, and somewhere up above is a thing that rains down lightning bolts on your head. It’s pretty great. You Died.

Sen’s Fortress is pretty much that over and over and over again. Dart traps, swinging blades, snake-men, snake-women that shoot lightning bolts. The lightning snake-women really were the worst, as they always seemed to find good sniping spots. I’d just be casually strolling along and then get knocked over by a bolt of lightning out of nowhere. Fun! Oh and also there’s a mechanism that rolls boulders throughout the corridors and stairways, which somehow always knows where you are and adjusts the boulders’ trajectories accordingly. Just assume that I saw the words You Died at least a dozen more times before I finally made it to the roof and found another bonfire.

One “hilarious” feature of the fortress is tucked away in a room that an explorere might miss if they aren’t thorough. In this room is a treasure chest. Only unlike any other treasure chests that I’d encountered previously, this one sprang to life. As I tried to open it, the chest opened itself and lunged at me, revealing a set of incredibl sharp teeth that were no doubt looking to feast on me. Then it grew arms and legs and started doing hurricane kicks at me. My mind was frozen with fear, but fortunately my body’s self-preservation instinct kicked in and managed to slay the mimic.

After that I just collapsed on the floor for a while and wept like a baby.

The roof of the fortress was no more friendly than the interior. Firstly, there was a giant standing on the very top who hurled exploding barrels at me the whole time. There was another tower knight up there, too. Unlike the one I fought in the Undead Parish, this one was not a pushover. In fact, he was pretty darn good at his job! You Died.

That tower knight happened to be off on a corner that I didn’t actually have to pass by though, so I opted to just ignore him. Moving forward, I scaled the outer part of the fortress, and killed the giant who was throwing those damn firebombs at me. Off on a stairway rounding a separate tower, I dueled and killed an undead man named Ricard and stole his rapier. I wasn’t much for fencing though, so it wasn’t really a great prize for my troubles.

Near the very top, I found a summoning sign, so I used it and the phantom of a knight known as Black Iron Tarkus came to my aid. Tarkus and I discovered a secret cage that acted as a shortcut between the top and the entrance of the fortress, and then we came to the fog wall. Afraid of what might be in charge of such a deadly fortress, I took a deep breath and stepped through the fog.

Tune in next week for Part 19: A Twisty Bridge Too Far


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