I’ve got a new predicament these days. It’s a rather sticky one too! See, I’ve grown less and less fond of my job over the last… well, however long it’s been since the last time I said I liked my job. At this point, I really want to go out and find a new one, but not something that’s just as bad as what I’m dealing with right now (keeping in mind that it’s not really that bad at all). I can barely even summon the motivation to send out online applications, nevermind actually go out and hand out resumes to random workplaces. It’s because I know that I’m employed, have guaranteed hours, and don’t really have it too bad. I’m in a decent place, and while it could be better, that decency is keeping my ambition locked away.
That said, there’s a job posting for an assistant manager position that I would love to have. As much as I want to move away from my current workplace, I also want to move up the management ladder, take over the damn place, and rule with an iron fist. The problem is that if I put in for this job and somehow land it (not likely. I’m pretty sure the boss hates me), I’ll have even less motivation to get movin’ on than I do now.
So I’m a bit stumped. Being an assistant manager – even of a crappy toy store – would be a huge achievement for me, because by nature I’m a follower, not a leader. I want it so bad! Primarily for the extra money and great addition to the resume, but also to prove to myself that I’m not worthless. I also kind of feel like it would prove to everyone else that I’m not worthless. Not that even one person has ever said anything of the sort to me, but my low self-esteem causes that whole feeling inadequate thing. I mean, I know I’m capable of accomplishing lots, I just have no ambition. So this would be taking the easy way out; moving up, but not really making any significant change.
I guess I still need some time to think it over, but I think I’m most likely to go for it. And I know this post is a little rambley and a lot disjointed, but it makes me feel a little less confused to have all my thoughts put down on virtual paper. It’s not so much for your reading pleasure as for me to sort out my thoughts. But if you have some insight, don’t be afraid to put in your two cents (just click on my name up there).