It’s hard to think that in less than a week I will no longer live in the room that I’ve lived in for roughly twenty years. I’m not going to lie; I think I may be more anxious about leaving my home behind than I am excited to be moving into my very own house. I am excited, mind you, it’s just that I have an old soul. An old soul that’s afraid of change.
I spent the majority of my Sunday afternoon last weekend tearing apart the room that I worked so long and hard to build. Given, that just means taking down posters and stuffing all my crap into boxes (and boy howdy do I have a lot of crap!), and I’m still not done yet. I keep hesitating to start packing my clothes because I keep trying to tell myself that I have more time and that I’ll still need them. I know that once my wardrobe is boxed away that it’s just going to get that much more real.
It… it looks so alien to me without all the posters and CD racks and all my other stuff. Those bare walls may not look like much, but they cleave through my soul like a gunblade through Squall’s face.
I know it’s a necessary step, but it’s a scary one. I love the comfortable safety of my parents’ house. I love not having to worry about bills. I love being able to walk upstairs and know that there will be food in the fridge. A month ago I was really confident that I was ready to grow up, and now it’s way too real.
I suppose that if there’s a silver lining in this, something that quells my fear and keeps me from running away and hiding in my room, it’s the knowledge that I’m going to get to live every day from now on with the woman I love. She’s the reason I do everything I do, and this is certainly no exception to the rule. I know that without her that I’d probably be a deadbeat living in my parents’ basement for the rest of the forseeable future. I will never take for granted how good it feels to have someone there who motivates you to be the best person you can be, who brings out all your best qualities. I love knowing that no matter what hardships I face, she will be there supporting me all the way, and that I have the opportunity to do the same for her.
I said it yesterday, and I’ll say it again: I’m lucky to have her.
I may be anxious about moving out, but I have nothing but excitement for my pending marriage.