It’s been a month now since my wife moved out.
Everyone who knows me already knows that I put my heart and soul into my marriage. To the exclusion of a lot of other things, even. Having it crumble to pieces broke me pretty hard, and for a while I’d lost the will to do anything at all.
This is why I hadn’t drawn and posted a comic in January, despite having the intent to draw at least one a month for 2015. But that’s besides the point.
I wrote a very long essay about what went down and how it has affected me, but it’s rather personal and I’d prefer to keep it to myself, if that’s alright. Here are the main beats of the story: 1. She left. 2. I was depressed and spent two weeks on my parents’ couch feeling bad for myself. 3. I’m not doing that any more.
To suggest that I’m “over it” would be a bald-faced lie, but I’m sick of feeling like crap because I couldn’t save a relationship that was, though I denied it until the very end, doomed from the start. I’m putting it behind me and getting on with my life. Yes, I am still emotionally tender, and I’m not excited about getting all the legal stuff hammered out, but I’m moving forward.
I’m not entirely sure how to sum up how I’m feeling about this whole situation, but even though this has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through, I’m beginning to see how much of a good thing it’s going to be for me. I still love my wife, but I’ve also accepted that she was so, so bad for me, and that I need her out of my life. It still makes me feel horrible to say that, but I’m free of that darkness now.
It’s only been a month, and that’s not really long enough to gauge my mental and emotional recovery, but there are more good days than bad right now, so I’m taking that for what it’s worth. I don’t have a very clear picture of what the future has in store for me, but I’m hoping that I’ve got some good karma flowing my way.