{"id":3294,"date":"2004-05-10T19:00:03","date_gmt":"2004-05-11T00:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/?p=3294"},"modified":"2013-06-20T12:27:55","modified_gmt":"2013-06-20T17:27:55","slug":"the-biggest-mcdicks-in-the-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/?p=3294","title":{"rendered":"The Biggest McDick’s in the World!!"},"content":{"rendered":"

You\u2019ve read the first installment of my Disney World log, right? If not, go here<\/a> to check it out. If you have, you\u2019ll know that while we were touring in Orlando, we came across a big freaking McDonald\u2019s. In fact, the biggest in the world. After seeing it on the Food Network, my mom and brother were determined to find this place while we were there. Not only did we manage to find it, but on the first day to boot. And as they had been raving for about a week at that time, it was really freaking big. So big, that it was advertising it\u2019s greatness on the M signpost outside, and several other signposts in the vicinity.<\/p>\n

Just as a little preface, I\u2019d like to point out that a lot of my pictures of this McDonald\u2019s turned out a little blurry. And by \u201ca little\u201d, I mean \u201cterribly\u201d. I\u2019m not sure why, as almost every other picture I took turned out fine, but that\u2019s the way it is, so you\u2019re going to have to deal with it or go and do something else. The blur isn\u2019t so bad that you can\u2019t tell what\u2019s what though, so you should be able to cope rather easily. Now let\u2019s get this party started.<\/p>\n

So now we\u2019ll take a wondrous journey into one of the most amazing places that I\u2019ve ever seen, and I\u2019ve seen Disney World. Our tour starts outside, where amazingly, there is quite a bit to see. Just standing outside of this place, you can tell that it\u2019s going to be like no other fast-food restaurant you\u2019ve ever seen. You have to witness it first-hand to get the full effect of how spectacular this place is, but I\u2019m going to do my best to give you a good general impression.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>Well that one turned out horribly, but I\u2019m sure you get the picture. It\u2019s the big M sign seen in front of every single McDonald\u2019s restaurant, so chances are pretty good that you\u2019ve seen one. Only instead of a sign saying that they\u2019ve sold so many billions of burgers, it\u2019s got a fancy-ass electronic signboard that boasts about it\u2019s hugeness and greatness. It also gives details on current specials, what kinds of food they serve there, and just how popular the place is. I can imagine that it\u2019s running the 3 other McD\u2019s restaurants within 30 feet into the ground.<\/p>\n

And the fact that there are other McDonald\u2019s restaurants close by is the really sad part. I thought it was a pancake house that they had on every street corner, not a McDonald\u2019s. But on that note, there were a lot of pancake houses around. Especially IHOP (International House of Pancakes, for those not in the know. I just learned that while I was there.). That seems to be the granddaddy of them all. And while pancakes are good and all (now that I think of it, I wonder what the breakfast menu is like here\u2026), I\u2019m at McDonald\u2019s, and that\u2019s what I\u2019ve got to get back to reviewing. So in conclusion, while in Florida, I ate no pancakes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/center>You might not be able to tell so well from pictures, but this place, as I may have mentioned before, is frickin\u2019 huge<\/em>. Just look at it and compare it to things around it. Oh yeah, there\u2019s also the whole two-storey<\/em> thing going on. That\u2019s a big one. Not only is it huge, it\u2019s exuberantly decorated as well. The huge fry box motif, the art all over the walls, and the lights and decorative crap coming out of every which way, it\u2019s amazing just to look at. If you do ever visit, you\u2019ll probably be stuck standing in awe of this place for a good five minutes or so before you actually get inside. And it only gets more extravagant on the inside. If God eats fast food, this is where he goes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>When you walk in (and through automatic doors, no less) you\u2019ll notice that every bit of wall and possibly even ceiling is covered in something. To your right is the dessert bar, which I\u2019ll get to later, right in front of you are swarms of people trying to get food, and to your left is the happy little scene pictured above. As you can see, we\u2019ve got ocean-painted walls, a huge map, a table for taking charity donations, and that token Ronald McDonald toy display. On the floor are some sort of funny footprints that point you to the exit (which you might miss with all this stuff going on around you), and the occasional shoe scuff, which might be unintentional.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>Now this one is the real kicker. Look at all of that food advertisement and display. In the very back is the regular McDonald\u2019s counter area, where you get your food. Right in front of them are more little cash register machines, where you order your stuff. This is all a lot more complex than any McDonald\u2019s I\u2019ve ever seen already. Then in front or that is their gourmet food displays. These contain pizza, real sandwiches, desserts, and seafood, among a bunch of other fancy stuff. You can see various signs posted around, like the black pizza sign above, the sandwich sign in the background, and that bistro gourmet sign to the left. Over on the right side, you can just barely get a glance at that dessert area and chef station. That\u2019s right. This McDonald\u2019s has real chefs<\/strong>. That means food that won\u2019t make you crap 5 minutes later (or block you for several days, as I would soon learn).<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>So while my parents stand in line to get us our grub, we decide to go explore this huge place. It might be the excess of people, or that fact that it\u2019s crammed to the brim with games, tables, chairs and odds n\u2019 ends, but it feels a lot smaller on the inside. Well, to be more precise, the first floor does anyway. The second floor is less jam packed, because the eating area is exclusive to downstairs, so there\u2019s a lot more room to move around, but we\u2019re still investigating the downstairs, so I\u2019ll get back to that.<\/p>\n

As you can see in the picture, there are not nearly as many people as I might have led you to believe, but there were still an ample amount. You can also see that the walls are still painted from top to bottom, and there\u2019s decoration as far as the eye can see. Unless you\u2019re looking out those crooked windows, because even downtown Florida, a place filled with more crap than you can imagine, looks bare compared to this single establishment. And you can also see a couple of the games along the back wall, and I\u2019ll hint at it now, that\u2019s one of, if not the<\/strong> best part of this McDonald\u2019s.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>There\u2019s the kid\u2019s\/birthday area. It\u2019s just as covered in fancy as the rest of the place, and it\u2019s even got those cool character chairs. Just looking here, can you imagine how exhilarating it must be for a kid to have his birthday party here? Even to attend a party here? Or Hell, if you were going to go to a party here, chances are that you live close enough to go whenever you so desired. And that would be great. A place like this is just one of those places you have to go to more than once if you ever get the chance. Just like Disney World, and I have<\/em> been there twice. Not to boast or anything, though.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>Ack! It\u2019s the attack of the blurry camera invaders! I swear\u2026 It\u2019s not that I screwed up. No. I\u2019m good at taking pictures. What\u2019s that? I already admitted to screwing up at the beginning? Damn. Hoisted by my own petard. Now while that phrase makes very little sense according to dicitionary.com, I\u2019ll take the Family Guy quote for what it\u2019s worth. Now back to the stuff and such, this is the opposite wall to the kid\u2019s area, and you can see that it\u2019s covered in games, and the floor is absolutely cluttered with eating place. It\u2019s actually quite hard to move through the tables themselves, even when they\u2019re unoccupied. Going around the perimeter may be a longer trek, but it certainly is easier.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>Oh gah! It\u2019s even blurrier than the last. Luckily, this one I can chalk up to wanting to take the picture fast so that girl wouldn\u2019t think I was taking a picture of her. It\u2019s just one of those things you have to watch for when you have a camera. You see the aquarium. It\u2019s cool and blue, but the fishies inside leave something to be desired. They\u2019re tropical aquarium fishies and all, but they\u2019re no eels or mantis shrimp or anything really awesome like that. Just plain old angelfish and other brightly coloured aquatic critters. It is pretty big though, so it\u2019s not a total loss. And even if they aren\u2019t special, fish are always fun to watch, in a bored sort of way.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>You know, I think it might actually get better after this one. I\u2019m not sure, but we can hope, right? This little corner is jungle themed for some reason that I can\u2019t explain. It comes complete with tons of leaves and flowers hanging from the ceiling, a little statue thing with some water in it, and a rather dark air altogether. It certainly is different from the rest of the restaurant, and it really shows that they were trying to please as many as possible. This way, plant lovers can bask in their flora, and goths can sit in a dark corner. Fun for everyone!<\/p>\n

and now, we get to the best part of the whole entire place, and one of the biggest highlights of my trip. Yes, it\u2019s something that only I would get super-hyped about, and yes, I realize that it qualifies me as a huge loser, but damned if my heart didn\u2019t stop when I saw this beauty\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>Mc-freaking-Donald\u2019s has an F-Zero AX<\/em> machine!!!! Just like it says in the title bar! Ever since GX came out, I\u2019ve been searching the city for one, but up here in Canada we\u2019re lucky to get cool stuff late, and most of the time, we just plain miss out on it. I\u2019ll tell you this, If one of these machines does take up residence in Winnipeg somewhere (please inform me if you know of one!), I haven\u2019t been there, because I know I would have used or at least caressed it once by now.<\/p>\n

To make my severe geekness a little more understandable, I love F-Zero<\/em>. I\u2019m not a huge racing fan, but the Nintendo racers have always had a special place in my heart. Mostly because those are the only ones that you can control without being a racing freak. Damn that Gran Turismo<\/em> and it\u2019s complexity. Heck, damn all sim racers for being too hard for me to understand. But F-Zero<\/em>, it\u2019s not like that. The car turns when and where you want it to turn. If you want to make a sharper turn, you hold the sharp turn button. None of this spin-out, drift and slow-down-when-turning funny business. Just me, the track, and 29 other racers. All set to awesome music and beautiful sci-fi scenery.<\/p>\n

and the arcade game only capitalizes on everything there is in GX. For one, the seat moves around while playing. And since it\u2019s an extreme racer, it moves a lot. So much it needs a seat belt. And then the speakers are right in behind your head, so those awesome tunes are blaring in your ears all the way to the finish line. It may sound distracting, but anyone who doesn\u2019t like a hardcore mix of the Mute City music needs a serious re-evaluation of their musical tastes. Plus it sets the mood really well. I\u2019ll even throw in this link<\/a>, which you can follow to download every track from every F-Zero<\/em> game. The steering was a bit touchy and oversensitive, but was easy to get used to.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>Oh, just look at that. A perfect picture after all of that blur. Fitting, isn\u2019t it? Well, there\u2019s yet ANOTHER great thing about this machine that I didn\u2019t yet mention. If you\u2019ve got an F-Zero GX<\/em> game save, and you bring your memory card, you can slot it in here and unlock a bunch of new machines, tracks and parts to play on GX. Yes, you can<\/em> unlock them without AX, but it\u2019s freaking hard. Just ask anyone who\u2019s played the game. Finishing the races on the AX machine is a helluva lot easier. And even though it might cost you a couple bucks to do it, the experience is definitely worth it. This is one of the greatest arcade games I\u2019ve ever played, topped only by Pac-Man<\/em>, Ms Pac-Man<\/em>(which was also at this particular McDonald\u2019s), and Bust-A-Move<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>So now that I\u2019m done with that little rant, it\u2019s about time that we moved upstairs. Like I said earlier, up here there were no tables or chairs, so it was a lot less crowded, and access to games was much more convenient. If you turn around while heading upstairs, or happen to be on your way down, you\u2019ll see the scene pictured above. While the downstairs was built around the premise of eating and playing F-Zero<\/em>, the upstairs is a much more patriot-friendly place. But of course, only for the American visitors. Foreigners like me feel completely out of place, eh.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>Holy crap. Now that one is bad. More patriotism with the flag-bearing Lady Liberty, and behind her is a huge and brightly lit wall. Inside that wall is the prize room. Not only is this place awesome, it also takes the premise of Chuck E. Cheese\u2019s before it and implements a ticket\/reward system. All the prize-type games might have been upstairs, but I\u2019m not sure, since I didn\u2019t even give most of them a second glance. I was far too caught up in F-Zero<\/em>. It\u2019s kinda<\/s> very sad that I\u2019m obsessing so much about a single arcade machine, but I\u2019ve been looking for one for months, so I technically could have had a orgasm when I saw it and still been in the right. But I didn\u2019t, so I\u2019m not totally screwed for finding a girl yet. (Note: Even I have a limit when it comes to video game hype.)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/center>And the monstrous ball pit\/climbing structure is something you just can\u2019t ignore. This thing, like the restaurant, it huge. I couldn\u2019t go in it, of course, but you know I wanted to. All the twists and turns and windows and things inside. It\u2019s a spelunker\u2019s paradise. In the first picture, you can see a Rollercoaster Tycoon sign of some sort; it\u2019s a pinball game. I thought it was pretty cool, but not cool enough to earn a picture. And in the second, you can\u2019t really see anything. I\u2019m almost ashamed at how bad these pictures turned out, but it\u2019s not like it\u2019s something I can just go back and re-shoot any time I want, so they\u2019ll have to do.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>I played a mere two games while I was here. That may sound quite odd, but you already know about the F-zero AX<\/em> situation. \u201cWhat was the other game?\u201d you ask? Well, in my entire life up to this point, I\u2019ve only spent money on one woman; Ms. Pac-Man<\/em> (I make things for my mom, or get my dad to buy stuff. I\u2019m not totally heartless). Now seeing as that statement pretty much ensures me to be single for the rest of my life, I might as well keep going, as I\u2019ve nothing left to lose. \u2026Strange. I think I\u2019ve typed out a phrase similar to that in an older article. Maybe it\u2019s just one of those inaccurate feelings of d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu. I don\u2019t know, and I don\u2019t care enough to check. Now bring out the next picture!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>You\u2019ve all played one type of Cyclone game or another. Unless you\u2019ve never been to Rucker\u2019s or Chuck E. Cheese\u2019s, but that\u2019s impossible, so I\u2019ll assume you all know how it goes down. In any case, they had both this Cyclone machine, and an identical machine called \u201cTitanic\u201d almost side-by-side. Maybe it\u2019s in case of a busy day, maybe they\u2019re just being redundant. I don\u2019t know, I\u2019m not a doctor, but I do know what didn\u2019t kill her. Smoking. Ah, now that\u2019s two Family Guy quotes that don\u2019t quite fit. Oh well, they bring back good and funny memories, so I\u2019ll leave \u2018em there. Family Guy rules.<\/p>\n

And now that we\u2019ve seen pretty much everything there is to see in this Super McDonald\u2019s, it\u2019s time that I leave. It had to happen, but not after one final race across Mute City. Well, after that, I was done, we had to leave for real, and on good timing, too, because there wasn\u2019t anything else I really wanted to take pictures of. But on the way out, there\u2019s one thing that stares you in the eyes through the whole long walk to the exit.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>The ice cream bar. The most magical gift the human race has ever been given, and my last stop in the world\u2019s biggest McDonald\u2019s. There wasn\u2019t a huge selection of flavours to choose from, but all the best ones were there; bubble gum, cookies n\u2019 cream, mint chocolate chip, rainbow, chocolate, chocolate swirl, yellow, and a couple less noticeable ones. I, the ever-hungry pile of human I am, decided that I would delight myself with some of this ice cream even though I\u2019d just eaten 4 double cheeseburgers, a super-sized drink and 3 portions worth of fries. I got the yummy bubbly gum flavour that I haven\u2019t had in the years since the awesome ice cream place we used to go to closed down. That was a sad summer for everyone.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>See? Blue. It also matched the sign outside if held up properly. You might also notice that it says \u201cinternet\u201d in the window. Yes, they had internet. Yes, I could have made a little post while inside. But it cost money and it was a touch screen, and I had racing and dot-eating to do. So I opted not to and simply went on my way.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s the end of that adventure into the wilds of fast-food land. Actually, if you compared it to the rest of fast-food land, it would be like the throne room where the king sits and get really fat. And now that I\u2019ve typed over 3100 words about a McDonald\u2019s restaurant, I have to go and wonder why I\u2019m not doing this for money. Seriously. I would love to get paid for the site, but it\u2019s not going to happen. So while I flush that pipe dream, I\u2019ll leave you with a couple closing statements.<\/p>\n

1. If you\u2019re ever in Orlando or anywhere remotely close to it, make sure you visit this place. Even if you don\u2019t like McD\u2019s food, they\u2019ve got something for every taste. They\u2019ve probably even got caviar if you\u2019re into that kinda stuff.<\/p>\n

2. Buy me an F-Zero AX<\/em> machine for my birthday. It\u2019s still 4 months away, but you\u2019ll need to start saving now. If nothing else, get me GX and a racing wheel so I can pretend.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/center>3. Yes, they have a Bill Cosby standy. If that\u2019s not reason enough to travel down to America\u2019s wang, I don\u2019t know what is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You\u2019ve read the first installment of my Disney World log, right? If not, go here to check it out. If you have, you\u2019ll know that while we were touring in Orlando, we came across a big freaking McDonald\u2019s. In fact, the biggest in the world. After seeing it on the Food Network, my mom and … Continue reading The Biggest McDick’s in the World!!<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,26,22,21,20,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-foodstuffs","category-holidays","category-irl","category-retro-gaming","category-video-games"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3294"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3294\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3491,"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3294\/revisions\/3491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/torrentialequilibrium.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}