Category: Spooky

Death is just a heartbeat away

Last weekend was my girlfriend’s birthday weekend, masterminded by none other than me, and it was quite the awesome weekend. On Friday night, I took her out to Stereo to go dancing. While I still don’t understand (or particularly enjoy) the club scene, she had an absolute blast, so it was well worth it. On Saturday we managed to round up a couple others so we could finally play the Clue game I bought her for Christmas. I’ve never played Clue before, and while it was a lot of fun, it’s way too easy if you’re only playing with three people. We also watched a shitload of movies. That you can pretty much take for granted, because watching movies is the activity we spend the most time on. Right now, I would like to share my opinions on those movies.

The first was her pick from a trip to Blockbuster on Saturday night: Room 6. Personally, I didn’t think much of it. It started well enough, but then degenerated into madness, and not the good kind. Shit just kept happening and nobody ever explained any of it. I watched the cast/crew behind the scenes featurette afterward, and that gave me some answers, but didn’t make me like the movie any more. It was like a boring, confusing version of Jacob’s Ladder. I mean, Jacob’s Ladder left some things ambiguous on purpose, but it at least gave you enough information that you could have fun thinking up and discussing your own theories on what was happening. Room 6 was not as thoughtful. There was a super-creepy little girl though.

We rented three movies at the Blockbuster, and it being her birthday, Steph chose the second one as well. Much more enjoyable than her first pick was Vacancy 2: The First Cut, the prequel to 2007’s Vacancy. It wasn’t a life-changing direct-to-DVD experience, but there were some bright spots, like a man-on-fire. I’ll go easy on pretty much any movie that provides me with a scene where someone is running around on fire. I also give it points because while it’s a prequel, the plot isn’t entirely predictable, and does contain a couple little surprises. For example, I thought it would be the same bad guys and motel as from the first movie. It was not so. The first one was better though. If nothing else, because Frank Whaley’s character was way more entertaining than David Moscow’s.

I got to pick out a movie too, for the sake of fairness, and I think it’s obvious that my choice was my favourite. I was jumping with glee when I saw that Blockbuster was stocking Dead and Breakfast, a movie that I had seen previews for, but had never found while browsing through movies at local stores. I absolutely had to rent it, and I loved it. Dead and Breakfast parades itself around as a zombie movie, but it isn’t really. The monsters are more posessed corpses than zombies, but that leads to much hilarity, like when the leader “zombie” uses the decapitated head of one of his friends as a puppet and frequently talks to it. There’s also a scene where all the “zombies” start dancing. Obviously, it’s the “Thriller” dance, but to an original song. Anyway, it’s hilarious movie, totally over-the-top in many places (especially gore), and I couldn’t recommend it more. I’m actively on the hunt for this one now.

The last movie is one I picked up when we went shopping on Sunday afternoon. I picked up the two pack of Nightwatch and Daywatch because I’d heard good things about them on more than one occasion. We watched Nightwatch that night, and I wasn’t disappointed. It was a really cool movie, and had a fairly interesting plot. I haven’t explained any other plots, so I won’t start here. I will, however, point out that it was a bit confusing. The plot seemed like bits were missing and maybe they spent too much time with subplots than explaining what was going on in the main story. They did a really great job with the subtitles though, as they kind of blended them into the movie to make them less distracting. Overall Nightwatch was neat and original, but not perfect. I’m hoping that the sequel is even better.

I play for keeps

As sort of a follow up to my short “review” of the Uzumaki manga, I decided that I would watch the movie. And watch I did. Last night. And much to my dismay, it really wasn’t very good. So even though it’s Tuesday and I’m supposed to be reviewing a video game, I’mma go ahead and tell you about this flop.

The main issue here is that they had to cram a story that spanned three books into two hours, and I suppose they did an okay job with that, but it could have been so much better. There were a lot of chapters in the books that were simply side-stories that really had no place in the movie. Particularly that of Kirie’s stalker and the girl with the spiraly hair. Hell, they weren’t even complete here. At the end of the movie, they show some stills of people affected by the uzumaki, and one is of the chick with the hair, her curls wrapped around a telephone pole, and her body completely emaciated. If you hadn’t read the manga prior to this, you would have no idea what was going on. Would you have guessed that the ever-growing hair spirals were draining her of her life? Probably not, as it wasn’t even remotely touched on.

The main story was even cut in half and slightly butchered in the process. Everything was going fine in the beginning; Shuichi’s father obsessed with the uzumaki, the spiral smoke from the crematorium chimney, his mother going insane. It was all good until the end when (and I’ll spoil the movie here because the book is way better) Shuichi was caught by the spiral and turned into a monster. Manga Shuichi would never have given into the spiral, much much less attack Kirie. Or does that give away too much? Well, in any case, I undersand that they had to take a few liberties to turn it into a movie, but it just hurts so much. The quote on the cover calls Uzumaki “deliriously unsettling”, which is true, but the creepiness is about the only thing left intact from the source material.

Which brings me to what I did like about the film version. for one, like I said, it was still really creepy. I’m almost afraid to turn around in fear that some kind of horrible spirally fate is waiting just behind me. A good part of the gore and shocking visuals remain off-camera (or come on for only a split-second), but the screams and the sounds of bones cracking and bodies contorting in ways they were never meant to are more then enough to get the message of terror across. Also, for the very brief few seconds that we get to see the giant man-snails, they look really cool. Besides the fact that they’re irrelevant to the main plot, I kinda wish they’d gotten more screen time. Oh well.

In conclusion, I really haven’t changed my mind between now and four paragraphs ago. It’s not a great movie, and I’m pretty sure that anyone who has not read through at least the first book will be utterly confused by what exactly is going on. It’s frightening and will most likely give you the jibblies, but I think that in the end, the common man would come away from it more confused than scared. Not a big recommendation on this one unless you’re absolutely crazy about the manga and must have everything asociated with it. In which case, I might warn you against obsessions like that… unless you want to end up coiled in a laundry machine.

Let’s have a good time

Last time I was down in Grand Forks, I didn’t really have a shopping list, but rather I was just picking up anything that piqued my interest and was of reasonable enough price. I went home with a lot of new movies. One of the more interesting purchases the the 3-disc set you see below this paragraph, 6 Films to Keep You Awake.

I looked it over, somewhat intrigued by the descriptions of the movies contained within, and showed it to the woman. Her eyes got wide and agreed with me that it looked worthy of purchase. We got back to our hotel, and while it wasn’t supplied with any DVD playing devices, I had enough foresight while packing to bring mine along with me. Only I forgot the remote! So while we couldn’t navigate the menus to watch Arrested Development, each movie on this set was on a different side of each disc, so we were able to pop whichever we saw fit in and mash the play button for success! Lesson: never forget the remote.

The first film we watched was A Real Friend. To our surprise, the film was in Spanish with English subtitles, but it was of little consequence, as there was no way to decipher exactly what had gone on in the movie no matter what language it was in. There was a little girl who was friends with Leatherface and a guy who she called a vampire. A couple people died, Leatherface and the vampire fought, and then the conclusion showed the girl’s happy family (with the vampire as her father) watching a TV that was playing the intro to this movie. It was confusing and didn’t really explain anything. I didn’t like it, and it put a bad taste in my mouth.

To Let was much more enjoyable. We watched this one the next night, and it was actually really good! Also it was Spanish too. I figured it was safe to assume at this point that all six would be. So anyway, the plot was about this young couple who were looking for an apartment. They drove out to this creepy place in a bad part of town, and once inside, they discovered that the landlady had been stalking them. They try to escape, but the deranged landlady beats the husband with a bucket, and the wife escapes to another part of the apartment building and finds another woman tied up in a bathroom. Since I like this movie, I won’t spoil it, but there’s a man-beast, much bloodshed, and a truly frightening old lady. It’s great.

Last night, we finally picked the set up again and watched the Baby’s Room. It wasn’t as good as To Let, but I did enjoy it. Yet again another new family moving into a new house, only this one is haunted! Sort of. The husband starts seeing a man in the baby monitor, but can never find this apparent burglar. Eventually, he almost slices his wife’s face off, thinking she was the burglar, and she takes the baby and moves out, leaving him to deal with the creepy phenomenon by his lonesome. It goes into some spooky parallel dimension shit, and the conclusion is exactly what you’ll guess it to be, but I was entertained, and that’s all I really ask, so it gets a pass.

We haven’t watched the other three movies yet, but plan to watch A Christmas Tale sometime over the weekend. Maybe I’ll tell you how it turns out. Judging from the other three, they could be awesome or terrible. I really don’t expect any to top To Let, but here’s hoping! Based on that movie alone, I highy recommend picking up this set. It’s only like $20, and for six movies (albeit of varying quality) that’s not too bad at all.

We got it!

Today I’m going to take a quick look at what is called a “manga”. I’ve you aren’t in the know, it’s basically just a Japanese comic book. Call it a comic in front of an anime fan though, and you’ll get your ear chewed off. Me, I don’t care. It’s a comic. You just read it backwards is all.

So Uzumaki then. It’s a horror book, and there are three volumes in total. It’s about a small, isolated town which inexplicably fall sunder some kind of stange curse. See, the villagers, one by one, start to see spirals and become obsessed with them, and this obsession often leads to their horrific deaths. Some are a little less shocking than others, but a few will turn a weaker man’s stomach. And this is just the first volume! By book two, hospitals are being invaded by mosquito women, babies are trying to return to wombs, and the town’s utter destruction seems almost inevitable. Book three is basically a small group of characters’ fight to escape the town and the curse.

There’s an article about it over on Game Spite that describes it way better than I ever could, so I recommend you check that out if you feel interested at all. Another thing of note is that I learned, whilst searching for the cover image on Amazon, that there is actually an Uzumaki movie. So I’m itching to download that. Though I’m sure a lot of material would be cut for time, it seems like it would be a really frightening and surreal film. Hopefully it’s good.

So the comic, yes wonderful. It’s great. Not particularly scary, but if you read even the first volume, you’ll never look at a spiral the same way again. Hell, you’ll probably never want to see a spiral again period.

Empty yo pockets!

Eff this. These 24 days of bullshit is bullshit.

At least that’s what I feel like saying. When I comitted myself to this project, I kind forgot that some days I don’t even see my home, nevermind my computer, so yeah. But I shall forge on! Today, reviewing a movie of my choosing. And my choice is a great new-ish monster movie titled “The Host”.

When talking to people, I often described “The Host” as a small-scale “Cloverfield”. Thinking about it now, I don’t think I could really be more wrong. The only thing the two movies have in common is the moster element and the fact that the basic plot is one person looking for a loved one. Other than that, not really the same at all. Even a little.

The plot to this movie, as it were, revolves around a man and his daughter. Also his other immediate family (siblings and father), but they’re just support characters. They’re living a pretty standard (if a little poor) life when one day a monster emerges from the nearby river and starts eating the shit out of people. It spies Main Character’s Daughter, and goes after her. Main Character witnesses his daughter devoured whole and vows to go after the creature. The twist is that the moster does not actually eat the girl, but rather brings her back to its hidey-hole for later snacking. And the story more or less just has the guy hunting the beast, and the girl fighting to stay alive.

The thing to note here is that this movie is originally Korean (I’m pretty sure). From this fact, we can extrapolate that the voices we hear speaking are not the actual voices of the characters. On this note, I would like to mention that the dubbing is very, very bad. Hilarious bad at times. The kind of bad that sort of makes the movie more enjoyable. Once scene that has all the family mouning the loss of Main Character’s Daughter in particular is so ridiculous that I could not keep my composure and broke out laughing. Only after the fact did I truly pity how bad it really was.

Sketchy dubbing aside, I agree with the media blurbs on the cover, and think that “The Host” is a wicked awesome monster movie. Or at least as wicked awesome as a modern monster flick can be. The creature itself is way way cooler than the “Cloverfield” beast by all stretches of the imagination (the lack of massive hype helped), even though it’s many times smaller. It’s fast, ferocious, and pretty much all-out cool. It’s kind of like a big, pissed-off fish with a taste for blood. And it shows up on screen a lot! Unlike the Mr. I-Want-To-Remain-Mysterious “Cloverfield” monster. Sadly, there aren’t a lot of quality screencaps of the thing, but here’s a decent one.

Yeah, I know. Awesome. I seriously want one. Except without a penchant for snacking on humans. That part might work against me. But anyway, I hear that they’re doing an American remake, and I wholly expect that one to suck ass, but if you go out and get the original version of “The Host”, I doubt you’ll be disappointed. It’s not super-heavy on depth or anything, but it’s a fun watch with a sympathetic plot. Without spoiling anything, I’ll also mention that it doesn’t have exactly the happiest of endings. But yes, totally recommended. In fact, writing this makes me want to watch it over again. Now if only I could find some time to sit down and watch a movie. Maybe I can convince the woman to watch it…

I laugh to myself

I went ahead and banged out a sort of “Materialism Matrix” just now, and I have pretty much the entire month’s worth of blog posts planned out. There are a few days that could use a little more thought, or things that should probably be fleshed out into full articles, but at least I have a rough draft of what I’m going to be working on for the next twenty-odd days. Also, each day has a set “theme,” which are as follows:

  • Monday – Whatever
  • Tuesday – Video Games
  • Wednesday – Music
  • Thursday – Reading
  • Friday – Movies
  • Saturday – TV
  • Sunday – VC/WiiWare/XBLA

So then, being as it’s Tuesday, I guess we’re in store for a short review of a video games of some sort. Hmmmm… I think that today, we’ll take a look at Castelvania Judgement, a fighting game starring a host of popular CV characters.

Yeah, I know. You don’t have to tell me that this is a very bad idea. We all remember the diaster that was Ehrgeiz. The difference would be that the Castlevania franchise doesn’t exactly have all the retards of the gaming world by the balls like Final Fantasy VII did (and sadly, still does). But hey, with the promise of finally having a chance to reverse the roles and beat down some Belmonts with the almighty Dracula, who could refuse?

To tell the truth, Judgement does bring on flashbacks of Ehrgeiz. They’re painful, but then I realize I don’t have to suffer through any appearances by that douche Sephiroth, and I feel a little better. Also, I realize that it’s much more polished and actually playable, then I stop convulsing and start playing. That isn’t to say that Judgement is good. Oh no. It’s a half-assed game, but it’s kinda neat and has a lot of features. The main attraction being beating the snot out of randomly chosen opponents one by one like every other fighting game. The difficulty is up there, beacuse some characters are painfully cheap, but once you learn to use all the abilities the game affords you, it gets a lot more bearable. Almost easy, even.

The other main mode of play is the “Castle” mode, which I was hoping would have a little adventuring, but rather it’s a series of rooms with specific challenges. Some are just beating down a handful of zombies, some collecting a number of hearts, and some fighting another character with stat bonuses or penalties. It’s neat, and there are plenty of goodies to be won. Which brings me to a particularly fun aspect: accessories! As you progress through Castle Mode, you win junk that you can equip to your characters to make them look… well, most just make them look odd. Simon Belmont with shades? Carmilla with a pirate hat? It certainly adds a splash of humour to the game.

Perhaps the greatest part of the game is the huge stride it makes for Nintendo’s online gaming system. Every game up until now has required the use of friend codes. While Judgement still uses them, they are not mandatory to save friends. Or so I’ve heard. I haven’t actually been able to connect to another player yet. Probably because so few people are buying this game. But in any case, that’s awesome. The only thing it’s missing is WiiSpeak support, and it would be the first perfectly (ahem) executed online Wii game. Oh well! Maybe next year.

So if there’s all these great things about it, then why is it so half-assed? Well, like I said, the difficulty is pretty rough until you’ve learned to exploit all your abilities and then it gets pretty easy. Also, the controls are kinda wonky. I mean, you attack by pressing the B button, and use special moves by holding A and then pressing B. It’s totally weird. Don’t even get me started on how bad it is if you try to use the Wiimote+Nunchuck control scheme. But anyway, it’s a half-decent game, but maybe you’d rather wait until it hits the bargain bin. It’s not really that bad, but if you’re picky, you might just want to look elsewhere.

It’s been too long

I don’t know if I ever told you, but in April of 2005 or so, I grew a wart on my left middle finger. I hadn’t had a wart in forever, so I was a little worried about it at first, but as time went on, I realized that it was perfectly harmless. Of course, it only lasted long enough for time to have gone on because the wart medication in the house was ancient and had clearly lost all potency. I asked for new stuff, but it never came.

A year or so later, I was looking at the wart, and decided that it was time for it to go. Probably about a week after that, I got up, went out, and bought my own damn wart remover. It was one of those neat home freezing kits that you see boasted about on TV so much. I tried it, and I thought the sensation was really cool. Two weeks after that, I realized that my little friend had retained his residence on my finger. So I used another blast of freezing, but I upped the dosage to enough to take out a heavier wart, as the manual instructed me to do. It did not work.

Time continued to move forward, and I think it must have been about a year ago, maybe a little more, that I noticed there was a second little wart growing just south of the original. Earlier this year I consulted the doctor about getting rid of them. She said that if I shaved them off with a razor and applied some new gel, they would disappear. I routinely chopped the little buggers away, but never got around to purchsing a new tube of wart gel, so they never disappeared.

It’s now been over three-and-a-half years since my first little friend made his appearance, and what exactly is the moral to this long, seemingly pointless story? I just wanted to have sufficient reason to post this picture, really. To be honest, I wanted it to be long enough that it would push the picture down beyond the main view of the page, but I just can’t drone on any more, and I’ve puffed the rest of the story as much as I can! Ah well, here’s the grossness!

It’s what’s left of the little motherfuckers after the doc burned the shit out of ’em. good riddance. I suppose if you’re still looking for a moral, it’s that you need to nip these things in the bud as fast as you can unless you’re eager to have them as a permanent fixture in your life.

Mass Review Time – Fargo ’08

 

“>

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these mass review articles (usually they’re just blogged). More importantly, it’s been a while since I’ve done an article at all. Much to my own dismay, a cheap mass review is not way to worm my way back into the game, but it’s all I’ve really got the gumption to work on at the moment. It’s not that I don’t want to write articles anymore, it’s just that there are so many other things I want to do more. And even more things I need to be doing.

But I digress. Blabbing about why I’m no longer writing full-length pieces is not today’s topic! But rather I’m here to discuss money well spent? I decided to end that sentence with a question mark because at this point I still can’t gauge the actual quality of most of the products below. I just bought most of them through good word-of-mouth and personal tastes. In fact, I’m pretty sure that at least a couple would be considered complete garbage by the general population, but we’ll see!

So the bonus theme here is that I picked up all this stuff when my girlfriend and I went away to Fargo(, North Dakota) for the weekend. I did a little photo gallery with commentary of last year’s trip south of the border (see sidebar), so maybe you’ll prefer that one if you’re looking for an article with a little more meat on its bones. Also, certainty. This here article, as of this writing, is pretty much all assumptions. It’s built on the hopes and dreams of millions! …Or maybe just me.

• Item #1

Tesla – Five Man Acoustical Jam

Okay, I know said it was all assumptions from here on in, but I’m starting with something I know is awesome: Tesla. I’ve been listening to Tesla for many, many years now, and sadly, I’ve only ever been able to find one of their CDs in any local stores. Thus, I often take it upon myself to scour the multimedia-type shops south of the border for anything I can find by them. This time I got real lucky, finding the two Tesla discs I was really gunning for. Five Man Acoustical Jam is obviously enough, a recording of a live acoustic show. It’s one of very few Tesla albums that I haven’t downloaded, so jackpot!

In other news, it’s completely awesome. Tesla is a great band, and they made their name through their acoustic prowess, so the only logical conclusion is that this album must rule. And rule it does. Don’t know what else there is to say other than I love it. Score: A

• Item #2

Tesla – The Great Radio Controversy

I know it seems silly that I only bought two Tesla CDs while I was down there, and now that I really think about it, I probably am really silly for it. I mean, I probably could have completed the full discography, but I stopped looking after I picked up these two.

Unlike its lovably live cousin above, The Great Radio Controversy is a studio album, but that means little. The Tesla-loving community largely believes this to be their finest work, and I’m not one to argue. It’s everything that makes Tesla great (minus the “awesome live performers” bit), and while it may not rock quite as hard as Psychotic Supper, it rocks just as well or better. Two thumbs up. Score: A

• Item #3

Mega Man Star Force 2

Yeah, I know you’re groaning right now and about to skip this paragraph, but that’s quite alright. You put up with more than enough of my Mega Man nonsense that you deserve a break from it if you can find one here or there. So go ahead and move on to the next item if you’ve gotten sick of hearing me rave about Mega Man.

For those that care, Star Force is the dual-screened big brother to the MegaMan Battle Network games. It seems like it’ll be following the same “new chapter every summer” release schedule that Battle Network had. I played the first one almost to completion last summer (I didn’t beat the final optional boss), and I was surprised to see this one in stores because honestly, I had no idea it was out. so I picked it up, and I’ve got to say, it’s most certainly not as big a step up from the first as Battle Network 2 was to its predecessor. I mean, I’m enjoying the game, but it hasn’t offered anything that improves on the first game. Well, not enough to make it feel exciting and new anyway. Score: C+

• Item #4

Etrian Odyssey 2: Heroes of Lagaard

As soon as I’d finally stopped flip-flopping on whether I wanted the first Etrian Odyssey or not, it had long since become impossible to find at retail. I was afraid EO2 would see a similar fate (despite being a new release), but after searching each and every store that sells video games in Fargo, I gave up and checked GameStop. As much as I generally loathe the GameStop/EB chain, it has to be said that they do actually carry Atlus games, and as a fan of Atlus’ niche titles, that scores some decent points in my book.

Anyway, I haven’t actually had a chance to plug it in and start playing yet (probably because I’m awasting all sorts of time writing about shit I buy), but I’ve read more than enough on the subject to be more or less familiar with what I’m getting into. The Youngest One bought it too (before I had a chance to advise him otherwise), probably because he thought “Ooh, an RPG. I should buy it”, and promptly got his ass whupped and put it right down. I doubt he’ll be spending too much time on this one, but someday when I’m in the middle of fewer games, I’ll crack this one open and spend a little quality time with it.

Edit : Decided I’d just forego finishing some other games so I could sink my teeth into this one. I’m not regretting it. Etrian Odyssey II is even better than I’d imagined. This is a real horror game, because you’re always on the edge of your seat, wondering if you’ll be able to survive the next fight. Also, even the slightest progress feels like you’ve made a huge accomplishment, so yeah. props to that. Love it. Score: A

• Item #5

Day of the Dead

No, it’s not Romero’s classic with a new cover. It’s one of those horrid “re-imaginings”, or so I assume. At least on the back cover it said it’s inspired by Romero’s Day of the Dead, so we can hope it at least pays a little homage to the original. In any case, it’s a zombie movie, so it most definitely belongs in my collection.

I should let you know that I fully expect this to be completely awful. That’s how these movies are. The characters are stupid and unlikable, the plot makes little to no sense and there’s buckets and buckets of gore. Yeah it sounds like a disaster, but that’s exactly what I’m looking for. I enjoy a good zombie movie, but I love a zombie movie that makes you want to root for the zombies. It’s brainless (in a manner of speaking) fun, and that’s really what I want in movies. So despite the fact that it’s defacing a classic, I have high-ish hopes for this one.

Edit : Yeah. So I watched it, and it’s not so great. It has almost nothing in common with the original, though if you concentrate real hard you can find a couple loose parallels between the two. But yeah, it’s not even a fun gore-fest. Just low-grade zombie schlock. When Nick Cannon is the best part of a movie, you know that you’ve got a bit of a train wreck on your hands. I’m a little let down by this one, honestly. Score: D+

• Item #6

The Dead Pit

As I was perusing the horror section at Fargo’s Best Buy (why doesn’t our Best Buy sort movies by genre? It’s so much easier…), and I saw that Day of the Dead remake thing, and then right beside it, The Dead Pit caught my eye. The cover didn’t really get the idea of zombies across to me, but reading the synopsis on the back confirmed my suspicions: zombies!

Much to my delight, this is one of those 80’s zombie flicks that pretends to have a cohesive plot. By that of course, I mean it’s more than “OMG zombiez. Let’s try to survive!” Something about a mad scientist attacking a mental ward with a horde of zombies? I dunno and I’m too lazy to go check the case, but it sounded like a riot at the time. I honestly think this could be as unpredictably lovable as Hellraiser. Score: B (pending)

• Item #7

Chucky: The Killer DVD Collection

I’ll level with ya, I’ve only ever seen the first Child’s Play movie, and even then, I was still a little squeamish at the time and covered my eyes a lot. I did like the movie though, and I’ve always wanted to at least see the first two sequels. Bride of Chucky isn’t exactly a priority, and Seed of Chucky seems like they’re just taking it too far. Alas.

I’ve been putting off buying this collection for a while now because I knew that not having the first one would drive me bonkers (OCD, you see), but it actually hasn’t been grating on my nerves too much. It’s not like the movie isn’t on DVD or anything either, I just can’t find the damn thing anywhere. Oh well. I’m sure some day I’ll be in the right place at the right time, and it will be mine. Or I’ll have forgotten my wallet and smack myself in the forehead. Score: B+ (pending)

• Item #8

Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control

I’ll say this now, because it’s the most important note here: I was promised a lot more Patrick Warburton than I got from this purchase, and it makes me ever so slightly disappointed. Other than that, good times!

If you haven’t seen Get Smart yet, you’re really missing out on something. I loved it so much, I ran out an bought this straight-to-DVD supplemental material without even reading a review first. Fortunately, it’s not nearly as awful as most straight-to-DVD stuff, but it’s still nowhere near as great as the main movie. Then again, I never expected it to be. I’m just confused as to why exactly Steve Carell couldn’t make at least a cameo. Anne Hathaway shows up in one scene, so why do we get no Steve Carell? Ah well. If Get Smart was at the “hilarious” level, I’d probably only rate this one as “silly” at best, but it’s still worth a look if you liked the source material. Score: B

Also, I should mention that I bought some other stuff, like shorts and foodstuffs, but I decided to cut them out because clothes are boring (do not tell my girlfriend I said that, she bought clothes almost exclusively) and junk food isn’t something that really needs to be logged into the annals of internet history. At least, not any of the food I bought. It was all pretty much run-of-the-mill junk food that a) isn’t available in Canada or b) is ridiculously expensive in Canada. So yeah. That’s the end then. Good night.

Children of the by-products

I’m a huge fan of horror movies. I think most are aware of this fact. The thing is, I missed a lot because my search for classics rarely ever took me any farther back than the late 70’s. As of late though, I’ve been really into the really old stuff, as I mentioned quite recently. Since any moives, nevermind horror, that are that old are hard to come across, I have a tendency to pick up anything I find that looks like it may have come before Jason and Freddy arrived on the scene.

And that beings us to the It’s Alive trilogy. conveniently sold in a three-pack. It was only $12 at Wal-Mart too, so how could I say no? Matt had actually mentioned on his blog that he’d bought the first movie that day, and I thought it was more than coincidence for me to see the entire trilogy sitting there for what amounts to little more than pocket change.

The thing about movies though, is that I buy them by the armfuls, and then never feel like commiting the twoish hours to sit down and watch them. I did watch all three It’s alive movies though, it took about a month, but by gum I did it! Didn’t even sleep thorugh any! The great part is that they’re actually pretty good!

The basic plot of the first movie is that a guy and his wife give birth to this freak baby, who immediately slaughters everyone in the delivery room, and then escapes and goes on a bloody rampage. You wouldn’t know it, but it ends up being social commentary and haing a moral message of sorts. The second and thrid movies take the overall story and themes and expand on them, causing a little less bloodshed each time, but remaining interesting and (to some degree) meaningful.

The nice thing about these movies is that they very rarely give you good glimpses of the creatures. I mean, the first one was made in 1974, and puppetry wasn’t quite up to standards at the time, but I like that way of doing things. It gives you a chance to imagine on your own what the little buggers look like, and in that respect, I’m a little disappointed that with each sequel, the creatures get more and more screentime.

When all’s said and done, I quite enjoiyed the It’s Alive trilogy. Some would likely debate that they go down in quality as they progress, but I think they keep up appearances long enough to make it through all three movies. Had there been a fourth movie, that probably would have been pushing it, but three is the charm here. For the price, this trilogy set is absolutely recommended, if only for the groan-inducing interior decorating in the fisrt and second movies. Oh, the early seventies, how tacky you were!