Bad to the… crust

I don’t mean to destroy what little faith you may have in my ability to make posts for 25 days in a row, but it would seem that I’m already running low on on-hand material. Oops. I guess I’ll have to consign some of these posts to less significant/expensive goods. Perhaps some will actually be Christmas related? Well, maybe I’ll start on those types of items today!

Christmas, in addition to being a time where people go out and spend as much money as possible to make sure their family loves them, is also a time for delicious feasts! Yeah, most holidays call for feasts which may have some air of deliciousness to them, but Christmas has always been the most appetizing holiday to me. This can probably be attributed almost completely to my dad’s mom, who pulls out all the stops when it comes to baking when Christmastime comes around. Cookies, cakes, pies – all the goodies you can ever imagine! And so many of them! So that’s why I’m categorizing the following item as “Christmassy” when at a glance it clearly is not.

Pumpkin cheesecake. Oh yes. Oh yes. OH YES.

There are two things about me that everyone in my family knows: 1) I love pumpkin pie and 2) I love cheesecake. So pumpkin cheesecake? Why not? Trouble is, things are never as sweet as you dream them.

The pumpkin cheesecake had two major flaws. For one, and I did not notice this until it was too late, it was infused with pecans. Let me put this as bluntly as I can: I fucking hate nuts. They have a horrible history of ruining perfectly good baking, and while cheesecake isn’t necessarily “baking”, this is no exception. For reasons I will explain in the next paragraph, I could barely taste the bilious pecans, but they messed up the texture of the cheesecake. When I eat cheesecake, I want it to melt in my mouth. I don’t want big gross lumps of hard in there. It completely ruined the experience for me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look another pumpkin cheesecake in the eye again, even if it is sans pecan.

The other big problem here is that while this particular product is supposed to harness the powers of cheesecake and pumpkins, it tastes like neither. I don’t know, maybe I got a defective one, but the thing was totally overspiced. Every bite was like pouring a cup of ginger into my mouth. Not a pleasant taste in the least. There was a little cheesecake in there somewhere, but it wasn’t nearly enough to save it. By the time I was halfawy done with the cheesecake (I paid like $6 for it, I was damn well going to finish it!), I was already cringing at the thought of eating any more. I never cringe at the thought of sweets. Never.

Only now do I realize that the purpose of posting every day until Christmas was to recommend a bunch of stuff, but I guess that’s gone to hell now. I cannot in good consience tell anyone that eating this pumpkin cheesecake is a good idea. Maybe some other company produces a good pumpkin cheesecake, but the President’s Choice brand is utter crap. I did not enjoy it in the least, and almost almost regret my purchase. The only positive is that I got a pretty easy blog post out of it.

Special effects are overrated

I’ve been pretty hooked on two channels lately: Turner Classic Movies and American Movie Classics. It got to the point of realizing I had a problem when I stayed up all night last Halloween watching a Boris Karloff marathon, even though I had to work the next morning. But so what? Old movies kick ass, and watching those two channels as much as I have recently has made me realize just how much everything that comes out of Hollywood these days kinda sucks. I miss low-budget special effects. I miss completely retarded stories that somehow contain a brilliant social commentary. I miss camp. Oh sweet Jesus, do I miss camp.

For years I’ve known the story of War of the Worlds, as well as the infamous radio version debacle. It’s one of my favourite science fiction stories of all time. As I walked out of the newer version of the flick, pretty much all I heard was people complaining about the ending. What the fuck guys? It’s an incredibly popular story, how the Hell did you miss it? In any case, I really liked it, Tom Cruise and all.

I’d never seen the original film version of War of the Worlds until recently, when I caught it on AMC one lazy Sunday afternoon. I was lucky enough to flip by right a the beginning, and intrigued by the fact that it was the original, I decided it was something that I must watch. Not a week later I was out trying to find the film on DVD (needless to say, I loved it), and came across the beauty you see to the left.

Double/triple feature DVDs seem to be all the rage right now, as I see more and more of them every time I browse the movie sections at Wal-Mart and Best Buy. Most of the time, they don’t seem like anything I care to invest in, but the odd time I come across pure gold, like the War of the Worlds/When Worlds Collide pack, and the It’s Alive trilogy (more on that another day). I’d never even heard of When Worlds Collide when I saw this, but given that I was going to buy War of the Worlds anyway, and the double pack was the same price as the solo WotW, it was kind of a brainless move.

I’m going to assume that everyone knows the general plot to War of the Worlds, so I’ll skip that part. If you don’t have any idea what it’s about, you might want to catch up on your genre-defining stories, you uncultured swine. Anyway, I like it way more than the new one. Yeah, it may lack fancy-pants special effect, but the crap effects are hilarious and take me back to a day I wasn’t around to actually experience. The characters, though many more in number, are better if anything, and the entire movie has an undeniable charm that makes it totally lovable. The next logical step for me would be to, you know, read the book.

When Worlds Collide is a very similar beast, though mostly because old sci-fi movies all have a lot in common. Like the gigantic plot holes, for example! The premise for this movie is that a foreign planet is on route to pass close by to the Earth, with its sun following right behind, which is on a direct crash-course with Earth. So what to do? Build a rocket ship to carry a handful of people onto the new planet as it passes by so that the human race isn’t totally wiped out when Earth is crushed by the oncoming star. This was totally sound in 1951, but knowing all we do about space and stuff these days, the timeframe of the movie really fudges up a lot of stuff. The most notable oversight being that the Earth would be burnt to a crisp long before the star smashes into it, which the movie completely fails to consider.

But it’s okay! When Worlds Collide is otherwise a decent movie! The pacing is a little fast, because the plot runs over the course of about a year. In that respect, you miss some of the necessary gradual progression of things like relationships between the characters, but this fault can be overlooked, because otherwise the movie would be like five hours long. The characters are generally pretty likable, some in a “love to hate” way, and the plot is a pretty fun sci-fi take on early space exploration. Granted, I slept through about 15 minutes in the middle, but I’m happy to have watched this movie. It’s the kind of thing you put on every once in a while to remind you that global disaster movies used to be good.

Do I recommend this DVD set? Hells yeah! These are two timeless stories that everyone should be able to enjoy. They’re fun and touching, and I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t enjoy them. I know I enjoy a lot of crappy movies, but I firmly believe that War of the Worlds and When Worlds Collide are two great films. That said, I’m old.

Feel the glow of commerce

Since the theme around here this year seems to be really heavy on materialism, I think I’ve got a good idea! Well, maybe an okay idea. I’ve already got two days covered, so I’ve decided that until the 24th, I’m going to post and review one item I’ve recently bought per day. Kind of like a poor man’s version of a certain other site’s annual holiday countdowns. expect mostly movies and CDs, but possibly some surprises. Who knows? I haven’t really thought it through yet.

Today’s entry is going to play off yesterday’s lengthy post, in that it’s also Fullmetal Alchemist related. This time, it’s the movie! Yes, that’s right. After watching the series, I tried downloading this like three times, but always managed to get alternate language versions (French, German, and Japanese). I really wish people would tag their torrents better. So I gave up, and when I was out getting the season one box sets, I decided to pick the movie up to. For completion’s sake, you see.

I’ll note at this point that I got the standard edition. There was a two-disc special edition as well, but it was significantly more moneys, and the extra bonus features really didn’t sell me on spending nearly double what I intended to. Plus, I’d never seen the thing, and I couldn’t justify dropping that much on something I might end up not liking. I’m an impulse buyer at heart, but I only pick up stuff I’m gambling on when it’s cheap.

Long story short, I think I made the right move. This is not to say that the Fullmetal Alchemist movie is a bad movie. In fact, it was a rather inspired movie, keeping with the general feel of the show, yet introducing some other, possibly even deeper concepts. Since it plays directly off the ending of the series, I won’t go into detail about the plot to prevent spoilers (even though by this point anyone who cares has seen every episode).

Much like the series, the FMA movie is mostly about plot and character development. A couple new people are in there and don’t get quite as much screen time as you’d expect for a major character, but they still manage to give you more than enough details to identify with these characters and understand exactly who they are and why they’re motivated to do what they do. The downside is that for anyone who isn’t a fan of the show, most of the recurring characters and mechanics are only briefly introduced (Wrath in particular), and you’ll have no idea who they are or how they manage to do the things they do. Of course, I doubt many people who didn’t follow the seires will be watching the movie, but still.

In keeping with the focus on the characters, action sequences are kept short and aren’t overly common, which again coincides with the show’s formula. The movie actually opens with an undeniably fun action scene, which makes for a really good hook, but from there on in, it’s about an hour until the next. I’m not griping about this or anything, just stating the facts. Fanservice is minimal too, and kept to fit with the plot. They don’t hamfistedly cram any fan-favourite characters in just to please, excpt for when Scar sort of shows up at the end, but even that’s a perfectly reasonable appearance.

In the end, I can’t say that the Fullmetal Alchemist movie really lived up to the the series. It was a good way to end the story, but didn’t completely satisfy. For all the good things that it brings to the table, the middle is uncharacteristically slow and somewhat dull. That’s about all I ahve to gripe about though. The extras that come with the standard edition DVD are more than enough, including a huge 18-page booklet filled with notes on the movie’s development, character and theme information, and artwork. Also included are a 40-minute “making of” documentary, trailers and art galleries. I don’t remember what extras were on the special edition, but they weren’t enough for me to justify spending almost double. In all, I recommend the standard edition to the fan, special edition being reserved more for the fanboy and those with money to blow. Outsiders will just be confused as all hell, so unless you intend to watch the entire series first, FMA newbs should just stay away.

Touché

Fullmetal Alchemist is an abberation in the world of anime. Firstly, it’s probably the most competently dubbed anime in the history of ever. That, coupled with the fact that it’s just plain awesome have earned it a rather large (and well-deserved) fanbase. Moreover, it’s the only anime (that isn’t Transformers/a cheap game video tie-in) that I’ve ever enjoyed. I don’t think it’s going to be paving the way for any more, but it’s a pretty big step for me personally, being the “write off all anime because most of the popular ones are crap” kind of person that I am (read: ignorant).

I downloaded (quite illegally, I might add) the entire series over a year ago, and instantly got hooked. At first, so that I didn’t waste entire days watching, I would limit myself to two episodes a day. That quickly fell apart, as I wasn’t working at the time, and I often would end up watching six or more a day. Needless to say, I blasted through the 51-episode series pretty quickly.

Because I’m the kind of guy who prefers to legitimately own things, especially in cases of things I like, I quickly set out to purchase whatever FMA DVD sets I could find. Much to my chagrin, they were released in those Godforsaken 4-episode sets. I fucking hate when shows are distributed this way. My wallet likes it though, because I refuse to buy anything that is sold in sets of anything less than at least half a season. The likes of Fullmetal Alchemist, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003), and Viewtiful Joe all fall under this umbrella of shitty distribution, and I hadn’t bought any of them because of it.

Ninja Turtles was the first to rectify this issue. I still haven’t ponied up the cash for any of the available sets, but I fully intend to, if mostly because I missed most of the episodes in seasons 2, 3 and 4. Fullmetal Alchemist finally began selling in half-season sets in Sepetmber, and while I didn’t notice right away, the release of the second volume caught my eye and I went out immediately and scooped up both of the season one boxes. For two boxes of 16 episodes at approximately $45 each ($90 total), it seems like a bit much, but the four-ep packs cost about $30 each, and since I would have had to pick up 8 of them to finish season one, that would have run me just a wee bit more ($240).

Along with the fact that I think Fullmetal Alchemist is the only anime worth watching (opinion may be slightly biased), the box sets come with all sorts of neat extras that make them worth owning. There are little booklets that come four to each box, which are chock full of neat supplemental information and art. Also, there’s a ton of cool stuff on the DVDs proper, like commercials, commentaries, image galleries, and music videos. After a little bit of research on Amazon, it seems like none of this bonus material comes with the smaller sets, so that’s even more reason for the avid FMA fan to rush out and pick them up. The chumps who bought the little sets must be kicking themsleves right now.

Truth be told though, as much as I hate the stupid 3-/4-episode DVD sets of shows I like, it’s not so much a matter of money that drives me to neglect them. I know that waiting for and buying the box sets will save me tons of cash, but I really don’t have a huge issue with paying for things I really enjoy. No, it’s the fact that buying dozens of full-size DVD cases for one show eats up way more room than necessary. When I can wait a while longer and get the box that only takes up one eighth of the space, I’m not even going to think twice about it.

So I’m not sure what this post was really about. It was one part hocking the Fullmetal Alchemist DVD boxes, and one part bitching about bad DVD distribution methods. Actually, score! I got two blog posts done at once. Now I feel happy. I’ll be even happier come January 15th and the third FMA box comes out.

Live there, die there

If you’ve yet to experience Metalocalypse, I highly suggest you expose yourself to it as quickly as possible. Monday nights on Teletoon, and God knows when on Cartoon Network (I don’t get the channel). It’s a Brendon Small production, so right there you should have a good idea of whether or not you’ll like it. It’s not quite as brilliant as Home Movies, but it’s hilarious and the members of Dethklok are some of the most lovable characters I’ve seen in ages. The first season DVD was also released in mid-October, so maybe just go out and buy that. The special features alone are totally worth it.

Since the show is about a band, it’s completely understandable that they would make at least one CD to cash in on the franchise even more. Dethklok’s debut album seems like so much more than an easy cash grab though. It’s a full-length CD, with complete versions of a bunch of the songs featured in the show, as well as a couple new ones. We can only hope that subsequent seasons of the show result in follow-up albums. Sadly, I do not own a legitimate copy of the album, as not one retailer in my vicinity stocks the damned thing. It’s possibly the world’s greatest injustice. I’ll buy it online eventually, but until that day… illegal MP3s are all I have.

Blah, but enough about loosely-related things. How about the actual music? Well, it’s most definitely metal. I actually intend to do a complete review of the disc, so I won’t go into too much detail here. I will say that from the day I downloaded it to the day I lost my car, it’s all that I listened to while driving. That should probably say enough. If not, you know the song “Thunderhorse” in Guitar Hero 2? Well, it’s on the Dethalbum, only it kicks so much more ass you wouldn’t believe it. I think I mentioned so in the past. I think I may have also posted an MP3. There are a couple songs that don’t quite measure up to par, but overall it’s a fantastic CD, and the bonus disc that comes with the special edition (pictured) is gravy.

So yes. If you like the show, you probably already own this CD. If not, what the hell is wrong with you? To anyone who hasn’t seen Metalocalypse, I reiterate my point of “check it out now”. Beneath all the blood and metal is some rather inspired satire. Also, jokes. The CD carries on most of those elements too, so yeah. Get it.

Metalocalypse on [adult swim]

Buy The Dethalbum

Buy Metalocalypse Season One

The dawning of a new age

It’s hard to believe that sometime during this month, I will have been maintining this website for five years. That’s legendary for blogs that nobody reads. But maybe things will change this year. I’ve forgotten the site’s birthday/anniversary for like three years in a row, so I guess it’s time I make up for that. To celebrate, here’s a fresh coat of paint! Also, a lolcake.

I’ve still got a long way to go to get things all up to speed (never finished the last redecoration, and there’s still stuff to move over from the old Angelfire site), but we’re off to a good start. Everything looks crisp and extra-virginal in the new white theme. I’ll admit that it does seem a bit sterile, whereas the old black site had more personality, but the white look seems to be going out of style, and everyone knows it’s hip to be behind the trends. Or, I think that’s how it works anyway.

The first thing I would like to draw your attention to is the new NAVI Bar. It’s a pretty basic sidebar, but nicer-looking and with Engrish flair! You’ll notice that the rollover does more than just change the link color too. The spacing trick is a small touch, but still nice to look at, and if you hold your mouse over any link, a short description will pop up!

Eventually I hope to streamline most of the site to match this page, much like I had intended to do with the old layout. News archive pages will be stripped down to the base blog so that I don’t have to worry about maintaining any time-sensitive things like links. I have no idea what I’m going to do with the articles page, but something will happen. And if you hadn’t noticed, I’m still working in HTML with some help from CSS stylesheets. This could all flow so much easier if I were to take the time to learn PHP, but frankly, I know I’ll lose interest before I can make any good use of it. If anyone were willing to volunteer some time to make at least the main blog and articles page stream together nicely, that would kick ass… but I’m not asking or anything. It would totally have to be a “from the goodness of your heart” thing.

So yeah. All the articles will be stuck into this stuffy layout too, somehow, so if you don’t like it… Well, that’s a problem. You have to admit that it’ll look nicer than the randomly cobbled together pages I’ve got going now. Oh, and you’ll get a cookie if you can tell me which site this layout is inspired from. The last one was ripped almost directly from an old GorillaMask layout, but this one is a ripoff in spirit alone. I reworked the code for it all by myself.

Speaking of code, that’s the last change, as invisible as it may be. It’s not quite up to standards yet, but I weeded out a huge amount of useless tags from the index code, and cleaned up what was left a little. You’ll still get a headache trying to figure out what’s going on in there, but it’s better.

So that’s it for now. I’m not sure what the next few years will have in store, but hopefuly they’re more productive than the last year has been. Jeez, I must have published like, two articles this year? Oh well. At least the place looks prettier now.

Top 7: Virtual Console Wishlist

It’s now nearing the end of November, and snow has finally hit the ground in ol’ Winnipeg, and that means that over here at Torrential Equilibrium, we’re starting to get into the Christmas mood. It’s always a wonderful time of year, filled with delicious feasts and candy, hours upon hours spent dreaming about gifts, and just generally hanging out with family and friends and having a good time.

During the last couple years, we’ve been on the fence about the whole secularization of Christmas deal, but spending two holiday seasons in retail has proven that while people talk an admirable game when it comes to what they think Christmas is all about, it’s really just about consumerism in the end. And to that end, we’ve decided just to accept it, as one little website can’t even hope to make even the slightest ripple of change. But it’s okay. Sometimes going along for the ride has its benefits. Like being able to write articles about stuff one hopes to acquire during the season.

This particular list has a very specific focus: what Virtual Console games we’d like to see by the end of the year. Last year, Christmas fell on a Monday, and Nintendo offered a delicious bounty of AAA titles (Super Mario Bros, Super Castlevania IV, Street Fighter II, ToeJam & Earl, and R-Type) for the Virtual Console. The odds that they can top that lineup in one week are slim, so rather than say it’s a list of games we want to see on Christmas Eve, we’re saying it’s a list of what we want by 2008.

Now that our mission is stated, we’ll take a second to explain a couple generalities of our picks. First off, we’ve picked three NES games and two games each from the Super NES and N64. Genesis, TG16 and NeoGeo were omitted because frankly, we haven’t played many – if any at all – games for those consoles outside what’s already been offered on the Virtual Console service. Secondly, they may not all be super high quality, but they’ve all got a certain flair that makes them appealing to us, at least. Sometimes it’s a franchise bias, sometimes it’s a company bias, but mostly it’s rosy nostalgia glasses. Lastly, we’re only choosing from games released in North America to help keep the list down to seven titles. If we were to delve into imports, this list could go on forever and a day.


GI JOE

GI Joe is a game that we spent many, many hours on in our youth. In fact, it’s probably within our top ten NES games where time played is the deciding factor. We still quite enjoy booting this one up in an emulator now and then, just to see if we can finally get past that stupid desert level. It hasn’t happened yet.

In any case, we still really enjoy this game, even though the difficulty level is particularly brutal. It’s usually pretty fair though, and cheap deaths aren’t as common as in, say, the Legend of Kage. GI Joe is a particularly solid platform shooter, and is one of the earliest games we can recall where your character choice makes a difference. There were five Joes to choose from, Duke, Rock ‘n Roll, Blizzard, Captain Grid-Iron, and Snake-Eyes. Each mission starts by selecting a team of three, but really, it was just a matter of which other two Joes you’d be teaming up with Snake-Eyes. Who wouldn’t pick Snake-Eyes?

Levels were pretty straightforward, generally consisting of getting the Joes from point A to point B, and then facing a soul-crushingly difficult boss. On occasion, there are a couple levels where there are a set number of bombs to find and diffuse before exiting the area to face the boss. These were often far more difficult than the regular stages, because the stages were huge, and littered with secret paths, some that had to be found to get to a bomb. Some may call it cheap, but if we recall correctly, the hidden paths that led to bombs were usually more obvious than the ones that just hid power-ups.


The last thing we feel we need to note is that the Joes can commandeer several Cobra vehicles. The Cobra Copter was found early in the game and obviously, provided the ability to fly and shoot the crap out of everything. The Cobra Buzz Boar was… a big buzzsaw. It rode along walls, and all we really remember it for is that one boss consisted of a battle against three of these mofos. It was a very common point of frustration. And then there was the cobra Pogo, which we frankly don’t remember using much. But it bounced real well and had a triple shot, so we suppose it was probably quite useful. Perhaps it’s just that we never got that far very often.

To say that GI Joe will definitely show up on the Virtual Console is a little premature. Whoever has the licensing rights to the new Sigma 6 cartoon obviously hates GI Joe (read: Sigma 6 is really bad), so it’s hard to say whether they’d let this quality NES game see the light of digital distribution. We can only hope, though, as we firmly believe that this game is still good, and it’s not just our fond memories for the title talking. We just hope Nintendo doesn’t shaft us with the comparably weaksauce Capcom title GI Joe: The Atlantis Factor.


Vice: Project Doom

Another one of the few NES games we spent many an hour on back in the day. Vice: Project Doom is a game that as far as we can tell, went largely unnoticed by the general public. We received it as a random gift, back in the days when we didn’t know which games to ask for so our parents just bought whichever ones caught their eye. There were a couple stinkers, but Vice was a huge winner.

First off, Vice: Project Doom is your standard side-scroller, very similar to Ninja Gaiden. The major difference in the side-scrolling gameplay is that you’ve got three weapons to choose from at any time; a sword, a gun and grenades. Oh, and also there are driving levels that play like a souped-up Spy Hunter. The game actually starts with one of these. And before we forget, there are a couple of first-person shooting levels. We never enjoyed these levels much, but the rest of the game is totally solid. There’s even cutscenes and a complicated story, though it’s not told very well, and we stopped trying to make sense of it after level two.


As opposed to GI Joe, it’s not an incredibly difficult game. There are some tough jumps (particularly in the jungle level), and the shooting levels are sometimes a little too full of enemies, but overall it’s very beatable. Which is sad because we’ve never actually gotten to the end. Made it to the last boss fight once recently, but couldn’t manage to win. We can’t quite remember if there are unlimited continues or not, but considering that fact that we usually made it pretty far into the game, and we remember dying a lot, there must have been. Games without unlimited continues are cruel.

So is there a chance of Vice showing up on the Virtual Console? We think sure, why not? In fact, Mark Bozon, an editor at IGN, also remembers and loves this game, and has been doing everything in his power to convince Sega and Nintendo to get it out there on the VC. We think that despite the fact that the last time we heard about the campaign (April), Nintendo wasn’t intending to bring it out, that it’s got a pretty good chance. It’s an excellent platformer, and highly competent Spy Hunter clone and shooter. There are certainly far more obscure titles on the service as we write this, so it’s not unlikely at all. As with pretty much any Virtual Console release, it’s just a matter of time.


Nightshade

While the rest of the world was enjoying the secret of Monkey Island, its sequel, and all sorts of other wonderful PC adventure games, this is the closest we got to the genre until we were introduced to Space Quest IV a couple years later. Nightshade isn’t exactly the greatest of adventure games (the lack of a mouse in a point-and-click being the most obvious issue), it was enough to get us into the genre, and by the time we started playing PC adventures, we had a pretty good idea what was going on.

Nightshade is the best and only adventure game we’ve played on the NES. Though given how much we still enjoy it, we’re tempted to say that it would still be our favourite even if we had played any others. The story is light, being about a crime boss taking over Metro City and one guy going out to stop him, but unlike other games in the genre, the story is actually the least interesting part of the game. Basic adventure gameplay rules apply, essentially checking stuff, finding items, and using those items on other things. The adventuring part is much like Sam & Max in that it’s only really difficult because the items are often used in places you’d never expect. There are timed puzzles too, like at the beginning of the game, Nightshade tied up in a chair with a bomb ticking at his feet, and these help to liven up the pace of the game.


The only part of that game that really hits a sour note is that there is combat. Combat that isn’t executed overly well. We can’t think of anything in particular to liken it to, but we’ve never found that the fighting system worked too well. Or maybe the developers just made the enemies too hard, we’re not sure. In any case, it’s probably the only reason we’ve never made it to the end of the game. There are plenty of enemies, though the bulk of them are avoidable, with the exception of the bosses, of course.

As with most great adventure games, or at least, every one we’ve ever enjoyed, Nightshade is full of humour. The story takes kind of a back seat, but the writing is still actually really impressive for a NES game. Most of the citizens have multiple lines of dialogue, and a lot of those lines are one-liners. Being that there aren’t a ton of people to converse with, Nightshade also spews out plenty of wit when examining objects or using things. Why any games strive to be serious when comedy is so enjoyable is far beyond out grasp.

Seeing Nightshade on the Virtual Console seems like all but a pipe dream. It was never popular, but again, obscurity shouldn’t be too much of a factor. More likely to impede its induction is that fact that it isn’t really a niche title either. Vice: Project Doom actually has a small following, but we don’t think anyone outside one guy we hung out with as a kid and the dude who wrote up the Wikipedia page even knows this game exists. Licensing issues shouldn’t be too bad, as Beam Software does still exist as Krome Studios Melboure. However, it’s probably not going to happen. If games like Shadowgate and Déjà Vu start showing up on the VC, then our hopes will be lifted, but until then, all we can do is emulate illegally.


Earthbound

Be honest now, who didn’t see this one coming? Obviously Earthbound is one of the games with huge demand of Virtual Console representation. The only problem with it? Nintendo of America hates Earthbound fans. We won’t complain too much though, because Nintendo of Europe hates Earthbound fans even more.

The original game in the series, Mother was released on the NES many ages ago, translated for North American release, but then scrapped at the last moment. Earthbound was eventually released over here, but sold far less than expected, and never made it to Europe. The most recent game in the series, Mother 3 (on the Game Boy Advance), hasn’t even been considered for release outside of Japan. Nintendo of America has even flat-out said “Nope, we ain’t doin’ it. Fuck you guys.” That may be paraphrased, but the idea is the same.


Anywho, there’s more to Earthbound than the fact that it’s the only game in a wonderful series we’ve ever gotten out of Nintendo. First off, it’s an RPG by Nintendo, which in itself is exceptionally rare. And while it may play exactly like Dragon Quest, it’s still got plenty of unique features to stand on. First off, it’s set in modern times instead of the usual bland medieval fantasy setting. This alone is refreshing enough, but it’s also got a thick coat of humour, and as we made clear when talking about Nightshade, we love humour. Everything about the game is charmingly oddball, and it’s just a shame we never got to see the rest of the Mother games.

From the blue-loving Happy Happy cultists to the fact that one of the main characters is named Poo, everything about Earthbound is wonderful. But as great as it is, it’s also a bit confusing at times. It’s one of those games where you actually have to pay attention to what people are saying. Yeah, one of those titles that was made before companies started highlighting the important words with different colours. To tat end, the game originally came packaged with the official Nintendo player’s guide. When we rented the game, Blockbuster courteously made sure to provide said guide as well, but that obviously won’t be so easy when it comes to the Virtual Console.

So what can Nintendo do? The Wii doesn’t currently have any multitasking abilities, so it’s not like they can put the guide on a separate channel. They could provide a digitized version instead of the half-assed manual they stick with every game, and since it’s accessible in-game, it’s totally possible. We don’t expect to see that level of devotion though. For any other game series, maybe, but to reiterate, Nintendo hates Earthbound fans. The game will be released on Virtual Console eventually though, that much is guaranteed. We just hope that NoA decides to put it on there before the year 2011.


Secret of Evermore

Secret of Evermore is a huge anomaly in the world of video games. Probably for the best though. It’s a game by Squaresoft that was never released in Japan. Yeah. totally nuts. But that part aside, we really enjoyed the game. Apparently a spin-off of the Secret of Mana series, the game play essentially the same, with a similar combat system, and Mana’s ring menus. The big differences between Evermore and Mana are in the settings and the magic system.

Most RPGS, traditional, action or otherwise, are set in similar worlds. They’re always placed in a kind of generic fantasy setting. Earthbound was a nice departure from that mold, and Secret of Evermore also changes things up a bit. The story is based on time travel, and since the opening sequence is specifically set in the USA, the game obviously draws its inspiration for locations from human history. In all, there are four time periods; a caveman world, a Rome-/Egypt-based world, a medieval world, and a future world. Not really the most unique locales, but they certainly add a level of variety you don’t often get in this kind of game.

The magic system is even better, possibly because it’s not magic at all. Instead of some mystical force with which your character uses to light enemies on fire and whatnot, you’re granted the power of alchemy. So instead of leveling up and learning new spells, the main chracter learns new alchemy recipes from people and books. Instead of a given number of magic points to use, he has to forage the landscape (with the help of his dog) for materials to use for each recipe. Some materials can also be bought from shops scattered throughout the lands. It all sounds a bit more complex than necessary, but in reality, it works very well and provides a great number of abilities and choices to the main character, as opposed to a meager list of less than a dozen spells.


Being a Secret of Mana clone, as far as basic gameplay goes, Secret of Evermore works really well. This was of course, back in the day when the Mana series didn’t get a little worse with each installment. The basic combat systems are very similar if not the exact same, and the only real step back is that it’s only a single player game. We’ve spent a lot of good time playing Secret of Mana with others, and it’s just a shame that the fun can’t really be shared in Evermore. The plot only calls for one main character though, so it is an understandable loss. A second player could conceivably control the boy’s dog, but the two must be used separately at times, and having to wait for another player to finish a solo part of the game could really kill the multiplayer energy. And having to sniff out everything for the other player would be tedious as Hell.

Square-Enix hasn’t put forth a lot of support for the Virtual Console yet, but the fact that their first game on the service was Actraiser and not a Final Fantasy or Dragon Quest title really speaks to Evermore’s chances of being added. Actraiser was in the exact same boat: not extremely popular, but an undeniably solid game that has enough of a fanbase to make the company some money. We know Evermore doesn’t have the following of SE’s bigger franchises, but it’s still a high quality game and should not be overlooked.


Super Smash Bros

Super Smash Bros Brawl is wihtout a doubt the most anticipated Wii game there has been since its announcement. It will probably be the best selling game on the Wii, much like Melee is for the GameCube. Nintendo went and broke our hearts when they pushed the release date back from December 4th to February 10th. To make up for this injustice (besides making sure Brawl is the best game it can be), Nintendo should give us the original Smash Bros to make up for it.

By this point, everyone must have an idea of what Super Smash Bros is all about. It’s probably not quite as far-reaching as Guitar Hero, but it has most certainly garnered a gigantic fanbase. Very few gamers will deny the majesty that is the Smash Bros series, and the ones who do simply hate fun. Also they murder puppies.

For the few who don’t know what Smash is, it’s a fighting game that stars a handful of Nintendo’s most popular mascot characters, from Mario to Pikachu to Fox McCloud. The difference between Smash and other fighters is that Smash is totally accessible to anyone. Players don’t need to learn complex button combinations or figure out the best way to chain attack together. Combos are mostly nonexistent and special moves can all be performed with a single button. It’s this simplicity that draws in the casual crowd, and the fact that it’s incredibly fun that brings in the core gamers.


But with Melee in pretty much every home that has a Wii or GameCube and Brawl on the way, do people really want to play the bare-bones original? Why not? The game itself holds up very well, and being able to play it with a GC controller instead of the N64 monstrosity would brighten more than a few people’s days. Frankly, we’re looking forward to it because despite all the other additions, we vastly prefer the original stages to those in Melee. Don’t know why, but that’s just the way it is. Also, we feel that the first game’s version of the single-player “Classic Mode” is a little more satisfying than Melee’s.

Super Smash Bros is definitely going to show up on the Virtual Console soon. Ideally, we’ll see this on December 3rd to fill in for the delayed Super Smash Bros Brawl, but it’s more likely that Nintendo will hold onto it until the end of January to hype the release of Brawl. It’s coming either way, but here’s hoping that we get it sooner than later. If it were released now, we’d be playing it for two and a half months to come, but if they put it out right before Brawl, we’ll all forget about it come the new game’s release. But Nintendo doesn’t care, because either way, they’ll be making money hand over fist. We’re just saying it would make a nice Christmas gift is all.


Banjo-Kazooie

The last game on our list is probably the most controversial. The bulk of the other games that people wouldn’t ask for are that way because they’re obscure and most wouldn’t even know what they are. Banjo-Kazooie, on the other hand, has a very polarizing effect on people. Half the gaming population love it, finding it to be a fantastic adventure with plenty to do, a hilarious cast of characters, and a wonderful soundtrack. The other half see it as a dreadful collect-a-thon. The fact of the matter, is that both sides are right.

Banjo-Kazooie is the first in a long line of Super Mario 64 imitators, only instead of challenging, gameplay related objectives, the majority of the game revolves around collecting various widgets. Or, at least, that’s what the nay-sayers would tell you. They’re right, there is a lot of collecting, but most of it does require a bit of skill, and let’s not forget that it encourages exploring. Searching every corner or a map just to search every corner of the map is all well and good, but having something there to find, be it a major item or just some ammo, certainly makes the trip more worth it.


The nice thing about Banjo-Kazooie is that it’s not as bad as people say. Banjo-Tooie and spiritual sequel Donkey Kong 64 were both far more mini-game oriented as far as challenges go, but Banjo-Kazooie’s rewards are more dedicated to the explorers and the platformers. It features a lot more actual gameplay without substituting mini-games where the developers couldn’t think up any more level-based challenges. This isn’t to say that there isn’t the odd mini-game, but they’re far more spread out, and feel less tedious as a result.

Being a Rare game, there’s also a good amount of humour in Banjo-Kazooie. for the most part, it’s rather blunt, with characters blatantly making fun of each other, but there are a few points where the game can produce a LOL or two. Another attribute that was very common in Rare games at the time was that some female characters were, well, vigorously endowed. It’s not really a point that will make anyone sway either way, but while it’s not overly apparent in BK, in later titles it just gets shameless. All of that pretty much culminates into Conker’s Bad Fur Day, which is another game we’d like to see on the VC, but that’s just not going to happen.

Banjo-Kazooie itself is very questionable as far as whether it will ever be a Virtual Console club member. The obvious roadblock is that Microsoft now owns Rare, and most companies won’t help to make games available for the competition’s systems. The only reason we even suggest it is because despite this little issue, Rare has been and is continuing to support Nintendo’s handheld scene. If Banjo-Kazooie were to show up on Virtual Console, Rare would just be raking in free money, as there’s obviously not much work going into these releases other than the lame manuals and making sure the emulation works right. At $10 a pop, any of those minor costs would be recouped within a day’s time.

Tell me, are you free?

My brain is mush. Probably has something to do with working on this stupid website stuff all day. The output being this stupid article. It’s about video games so blah. But it’s about old video games so yay. Could go either way really. I think the only thing that really makes it worth reading is that I spellchecked it, a luxury I don’t usually afford these things, so you won’t see any “thigns” or “mroes”. I did not proofread the whole thing however, so grammatical errors may remain.

Conclusion: if you play video games and you like nostalgia then jump right in. Otherwise ehhhh.

Make it snappy

I started writing another article tonight. Oh my Thor what a mistake. I’d forgotten how hard it is to write these things. And I’m doing it in the formal blog style too, so I’ve got certain vocabulary restraints that I usually don’t have to deal with. Actually, I’ve got two articles going right now, and I have no idea when they’ll be done. This most current one I’ll likely have up by Monday, but the other one I’ve been plucking away at since the middle of October. It’s a topic very close to my heart, so it has to be perfect. That said, it could very well never get done. But I prefer to be optimistic! We’ll say one by Monday for sure, and the next by the end of the year at latest. Well, at least a Part 1. It’s already pushing 3000 words and I’ve barely started.

Well, I guess in the end, at least I’m making excuses to create notes on Facebook telling people to come here and read my crap. That way, we all lose.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

For approximately ten years, Super Mario 64 was my favourite video game ever. I’ve purchased three different versions of it, and played it to 100% completion at least a dozen times. It has been dethroned, and I think it’ll take at least twice as long for the new champ to get knocked down a peg.

To put it simply, Super Mario Galaxy is so good, I’m not entirely convinced that the last three days haven’t been a dream.

Everything about Mario Galaxy screams awesome. It will rock you so hard that your unborn children’s unborn children will get shivers down their spines. I kind of want to stop playing video games because I know nothing will ever compare to the pure bliss that is playing Mario Galaxy.

I’m really not smart enough to put proper words to this game, so I’ll just mention my favourite part: the Bowser stages. They’re rock solid platforming levels that could easily knock the socks right off any players without ample skill. The Bowser stages in Mario 64 were tricky, and these ones are too, but in entirely different ways. The last one in particular is like a mashup of everything great about platformers, and then you get to the second half and you’re really sweating because the game is literally throwing everything it has at you at once. It’s so freaking awesome that words cannot even begin to describe it. I love it and I will be playing this game until the day I die.