I've been thinking up starting a running series of article where I rip on something that most people really like. Or something like that. Anyway, let's just jump right into the first issue of "Ryan Against the World."
Video games offer a lot. Mostly, they're entertainement mediums, and for ages that was based solely in the actual gameplay. Nowadays however, there's a greater emphasis on story and character development and music and all that stuff that goes along with it. One thing that video games have been really getting into since the Nintendo64/Playstation generation was emotional weight. With more complex stories and characters comes all sorts of crazy crap that can really make you feel while you're playing the game (or sitting through the cutscenes, in most cases). there are games out there that will have you laughing heartily, bring you halfway to tears, or stir you into a vicious rage (and not just because the game is difficult).
Now, I'm all for this, see? I don't really need any more reason to play video gmaes than to have fun, but it all comes as a nice bonus. But some people live for this kind of stuff, and as such, it's a pretty popular topic in forums and polls on gaming websites. So where am I going with all of this? I don't really know, but I needed an intro of some sort. Anyway, when it all comes down to it, I've noticed that there is one almost unanimous opinion for the more emotional moment in video game history: the death of Aeris in Final Fantasy 7.
I'll put it bluntly. What the fuck? The world thinks that that was the most emotional moment in video games? They thought it was sad? People cried? I'll accept that the world is comprised of dumb FF7 fanboys, but come on. How could you have possibly been sad when Aeris died? Yeah, it was a little shocking (and illogical) that she got bumped off not even halfway through the game, but it was not in the slightest a sad moment. In fact, I was hollering for joy when they neglected to realize that a Phoenix Down would fix it all. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that Aeris sucks.
Yes, now I've incurred the wrath of every gamer that Sqeenix has on their super-leash, but I don't rightly give a damn. Aeris is like the worst character ever. For one: she's a bum. Let's face it, the bitch lived in a broken, abondoned church. Alone, it's not really a proper strike against her, because some people just can't help it, but I'm actually going somewhere with this. She clearly has no grasp on the concept of money. Selling flowers for one lousy Gil? No wonder she's a goddamned hobo. She'd have to sell a whole damn boquet just to afford half a potion. Besides that, who in Midgar would want flowers? And shitty one-gil flowers to boot? Nobody appreciates cheap flowers. Nobody.
Secondly, she's worthless in battle. Unless of course, you get her higher-level limit breaks, which you only get by using her extensively. And even then, they're not enough to warrant keeping her in the party. This wouldn't be so bad if you could just lump her off to the side like Cait Sith and Yuffie, but was there not a segement of the game where they forced her into your party? Not to mention that if you decided to go all the way and do the whole rigamarole of getting her final limit break and purchased her new weapons and shit throughout the adventure, you'd be out a whole lotta time and cash. Of course, all of this is just icing on the top of the fact that she's a horribly annoying character. Cloud has zero taste in women.
There are tons of sadder moments in video games than when Aeris dies. Some of those include:
- The death of Lisa in Silent Hill (actually, the entire story is kinda sad)
- The death of Stella in Tales of Legendia (only because it means Senel will be hooking up with Shirley, whom I also harbor distaste for)
- When you realize there's only about 20 minutes of actual gameplay in any given Metal Gear Solid game.
- Purchasing an Xbox/360 (after you realize what you've done)
- When the local Chuck E Cheese's closes, and it was the only place within miles that still had the Captain America and the Avengers arcade game.
That seems to be the most of what I have to say, and I have no more silly things to add to that list, so that's it for today. Remember kids: Winners don't do drugs. Captain America and the Avengers was like the best game ever.
~Ryan
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Tuominenator[at]gmail[dot]com
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